


Story Box

by Nelioe



Category: The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Accidental Drug Use, Actor Fíli, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Not Related, Amusement Parks, Angst, Bullying, Captivity, Durincest, Fear of Flying, Fighting, Fluff, Fíli and Kíli Brotherly Love, Gen, Heartbreak, Hurt Kíli, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Insecure Fili, Insecure Kili, M/M, Mentions of miscarriage, Misunderstandings, No Incest, Non-Consensual Drug Use, Non-Graphic Torture, Non-Graphic Violence, Pirate Fíli, Prince Fíli, Prince Kili - Freeform, Reincarnation, Sexual Content, Sick Fíli, Sick Kíli, Siren Kíli, Underage Kissing, Young Fíli and Kíli, springFRE, stepbrothers Fíli and Kíli
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-19
Updated: 2018-02-13
Packaged: 2018-04-21 13:06:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 46
Words: 62,430
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4830164
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nelioe/pseuds/Nelioe
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Prompt fills for the Summer Fandom Raffle Exchange: Chapter 1 - 14</p><p>Fills for the SpringFRE: Chapter 15 - 23</p><p>FiKi week fill: Chapter 24</p><p>"12 Days of Christmas"-event: Chapter 25 - 32</p><p>Fills for the WinterFRE: Chapter 33 - 41</p><p>See chapter notes for individual warnings</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Face it: his is the only bed you’re able to sleep in

**Author's Note:**

> This work will contain my fills for the Summer Fandom Raffle Exchange I did on Tumblr, except the fills that take place in my "The Demon in the Bottle"-verse.
> 
> I asked on Tumblr if someone would be interested if I put my fills here as well and few seemed to like the idea, so here it is, over the next days I will post one or two prompt fills each day, for the stories can be read on my Tumblr, so it doesn't matter how fast or slow I upload here. At least I think so. :/

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 81\. Face it: his is the only bed you’re able to sleep in

 

 

Tossing and turning Kili huffed in pure annoyance. He never liked business trips, but his uncle insisted on his company for apparently it was important for people to get into contact with the future CEO of the corporation and yes, perhaps it was important for him to establish contacts as well, but as much as he liked working for Thorin, these trips… these stupid, boring, endlessly dragging on trips would sooner or later drive him insane! Kili hated them, he hated flying, hated to be penned in badly air-conditioned rooms and listen to idiots talking about the company as if they owned it and knew what could increase sales. They knew nothing and he would never understand why it was so immensely important to listen to what those people had to say.

Kili could use his time so much better. He could work in his job and be actually of use, could paint, enjoy the current nice weather on his bike, finally try archery – his long-cherished wish – or spent time with his boyfriend. Kili grinned at the thought while changing his position from back to stomach, crumpling the pillow until it fit perfectly to his neck so he could avoid pains. He missed Fili. Missed his dimpled smile, the sound of his laugh, the warm expression in his eyes telling the brunet he was all Fili saw in that moment, missed the feeling of his long hair between his fingers, his smell, his warmth, the touches, kisses, the feeling of butterflies in his stomach only Fili could cause.

Kili hoped whoever had said the first infatuation was able to last for three years was wrong. He didn’t want to give this feeling up for anything in the world and he knew Fili already for almost two years, had fallen in love with him pretty fast and found the courage to ask the other for a date a year ago. Their first anniversary was merely a week away.

He kicked the blanket back; it was too hot in this freaking bed! Rolling onto his side he cursed. This stupid mattress was too hard, the pillow not as fluffy as he was used to and all in all the bed wasn’t wide enough sprawl out. If he decided to change the position to his back now he would probably fall out of the bed and this at a place that called itself a four-star hotel. Kili scoffed at the thought, trying to go to sleep, but it was to no avail. Angrily he fished for the blanket again, feeling without it too cold now.

He never slept well when he was away. As if something was missing. Something like a warm body next to his, promising feather-light kisses in the morning. Kili was always out of it in mere seconds when he was at Fili’s and he was nearly all the time at his boyfriend’s. It was the reason why Kili wanted to ask him to move together on their anniversary, since he spent most of his time in Fili’s flat anyway.

Groaning when it got too warm again under the blanket Kili gave up and turned the light on. He padded over to where is laptop was placed on a table and flipped it open. Fili would still be awake, it wasn’t as late for him as it was for Kili, time zones for once being in his favour. He needed to hear Fili’s voice and maybe this would help him to accept that his boyfriend’s bed seemed to be the only bed he was able to sleep in.

 

 


	2. Anxious flyer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 67\. Anxious flyer

 

 

Fili had thought he could do this. Really. He had reminded himself that he was an adult, that planes were the safest vehicles one could travel with and that his fear of heights was under control. He could do this and he believed his own coaxing as he checked in his luggage and waited after the security control to be let into the plane along with the other passengers. Fili had even taken a seat by the window, listened to music and surveyed the huge planes driving by to get to the right gate or were taking off. Stepping inside wasn’t much harder either and he truly believed the aisle seat would make everything easy, but then the safety instructions started and Fili started to feel  uneasy.

He couldn’t help but look around. How was such a tin box able to flight? It looked like he few turbulences could crush it, let alone contemplating a crash, which no one would survive with certainty. Trying not to think about it anymore and instead focussing on the time he was going to save through flying Fili leaned back into his seat, breathing deep and slowly during the take off.  But of course it didn’t work like that for in this moment he just had to remember the program of a guy he watched when he needed a good laugh and his commentary about aviatophobia. _I don’t wanna know that there are ten thousand kilometres of nothing below me; it tells me only one thing: I shouldn’t be here._

Which was exactly what Fili thought in this moment, too. He shouldn’t be here! Why hadn’t he taken the fucking car? A six hour drive was nothing compared to how scared he felt right now! To top it all he seemed to be the only one in this freaking plane with such issues, seeing how relaxed the other people looked compared to his tense posture. It made sense in a way, who would board a plane if they were afraid of flying? Only he could be so stupid! And all of this for the wedding of his cousin. He should’ve taken the damn car!

“Hey,” someone to his right said. Attempting to avoid the look through the window Fili turned his head, barely glancing at the brunet beside him. “You don’t like flying, do you?”

“Ah… no, not really,” Fili admitted, glad for the distraction. As if sensing what kept Fili from looking at him properly the other pulled the blind down, causing the blond to feel immediately much more at ease now that the height wasn’t screaming into his face anymore.

“So, how come you put yourself through this? Work?”

“No, my cousin’s wedding.”

“Is he worth the trouble?” The brunet asked, the bright smile taking over his features was so contagious that Fili could feel himself relax slightly into his seat, his tense muscles thanking him right away. And when his mind wasn’t in a full panic mode he could even admit that the guy beside him was pretty handsome with his ponytail, the stubbles and his dressed down clothing. All in all he seemed like the cheerful kind of person, capable of turning even the gloomiest days in a nice experience. Sometimes it surprised him how much some people could signal through a smile and the warm expression of their eyes.

“I’m kind of pondering about it at the moment,” Fili answered, gifting his seatmate a nonchalant smile as his grip loosened around the armrests.

The brunet chuckled softly, mirth sparkling in his brown eyes.

“I’m Kili, by the way.”

“No way,” he blurted out, his lids widening.

Kili raised his brows. “Why would I lie about my name?”

“No, it’s not that,” Fili hurriedly added. “Just… my name is Fili.”

“Now you are kidding me!”

“Why would I lie about my name?” He replied with a smirk, repeating exactly Kili’s words.

“Good point,” Kili laughed. He liked the sound of it. “Just how are the odds?”

Fili had no idea and he didn’t really care either when soon he found himself in a lively conversation with Kili about Metallica after the brunet had taken a closer look at Fili’s shirt, his fear of heights forgotten. They talked the whole flight, through the landing and on their way to the gate where they had to split up eventually – only after exchanging phone numbers, though.

 

 


	3. Two months

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 21\. Two months

 

 

Sometimes, when the city had fallen quiet so late at night that it was almost early and the wind was favourable, Fili could hear Kili’s singing. It seemed to be directed at the moon or so it sounded. Not one song sounded similar though, some of them were longing, others sad as the tune echoed eerily over the beach and towards his house and it broke his heart and enchanted him all at once. He truly believed only Kili was able to make him feel these things, although technically he couldn’t say this with all certainty. He had never met one of the others after all.

Kili had told him so often about them, what they were up to and which mysteries lay beneath the surface, deeper than any human had ever managed to go. On hours Fili would sit at the beach and listen to the man talk about his home in this thick melodic accent. Even if he wasn’t singing Fili couldn’t help but listen to the musical note in his tales. He felt like under a charm whenever he met Kili. At first this knowledge had frightened him after he’d returned home from their first encounters, but curiosity had won against the fear and he felt drawn to the other ever since, his longing for the man not once ceasing. And Kili was always there as well, waiting for him, looking forward to his visits with the same eagerness nestling inside his chest.

Merfolk loved once and they did so with a passion that would never vanish. Kili proved this fact right now in sitting at the beach and singing one of the wonderful songs of his people, despite Fili not visiting him for two months. He hadn’t planned for it to happen, was aching for the brunet just as much as the other way round. After nearly dying in the waves of the sea, however, his courage had left him. Oh, he knew that Kili had saved him, remembered how his scared brown eyes had been the first thing he saw after awakening and throwing up the water he’d swallowed. Still, the incident had taken some of the sea’s allure. For the first time he looked at the water at what it was, a death trap.

Catching pneumonia in the following days hadn’t helped to give the sea back some of its appeal either and while Fili coughed and let himself be nursed by his sister he had tried to block out the grief-stricken singing at the beach he even managed to hear in his feverish dreams. Haunting him until he didn’t know what scared him more, the beach or hurting Kili like this. Kili was loyal, Fili didn’t doubt it, the siren would wait for him for the rest of his life and one thing he had already learned, the life of Kili’s kind was long and very lonely if they lost their mate.

It was this thought that drove him out that night, on legs still feeling too weak after long weeks of sickness.  Stumbling first through the streets and across the beach. Fili spotted the figure immediately where it sat on the moist sand, waves breaking against it and saving it from drying out. His skin glistened white in the bright light of the full moon. Fili started to run, his lungs protesting, the pull in his chest getting stronger the closer he came the brunet. He hadn’t realised how much he had missed Kili’s presence until now.

“Fili!” Kili greeted him with an enthusiastic smile when the blond dropped down on his knees beside the siren, all out of breath.

Two months and he looked all the same, which wasn’t surprising considering how long the merfolk lived, but still, a lot could happen during two months. The dark blue scales that reached from his fin nearly to his chest glittered in the moonlight like dozens of stars. Fili reached for one of Kili’s hands, his fingertips gently tracing the thin membranes between the sirens fingers, loving how soft they felt, before wandering upwards to the fins at his arms. All of these allowed Kili to dart like an arrow through the water, he had to look beautiful, if only Fili was given the chance to see… and suddenly he remembered why he almost drowned. He had forgotten, forgotten how he had asked Kili to take him away, forgotten about Kili’s offer to turn him into a siren. But when it came to it he’d gotten scared of leaving everything behind he knew and this had caused him to fight the process that had to happen deep underwater. Kili had reacted immediately and brought him back to the surface, it had been a scarce thing nonetheless.

“You came back,” Kili said meanwhile happily in a strange mixture of singing and talking, still he managed for it to sound pleasant.

“Of course I came back,” he stated as if it had to be obvious, although for a very long time it hadn’t seemed that naturally for him. But now that he was able to feel Kili’s soft skin under his fingers again, he wondered how he could have stayed away for such a long time.

The brunet snuggled into Fili’s touch as the blond let his palm rest against Kili’s cheek. The siren closed his eyes, humming contently.

Fili knew now, that he needed more time. That his decision had been a foolishly sudden one and that he couldn’t leave his life as a human behind before making his peace with this choice first. However, it was a discussion for another time after two months apart and so he just caught Kili’s lips in a tender kiss, savouring the closeness he had missed so much. Arms were wound around him as Kili pulled him to his chest, the waves and the sirens wet skin soaking his clothing. It didn’t matter; Fili just enjoyed to be back at the beach, back in the arms of his love and tried to press closer. The kiss turned heated and was only broken when Fili shivered in the cold air of the night. Their arms didn’t loosen, though, keeping the other so closely their noses brushed and they could feel the warm breath of the other ghosting over their skin.

“Love you, Fee,” Kili sang in his deep melodic voice.

“I love you, too.”

And Fili smiled.

 

 


	4. “It’s not my home without you in it.”

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 32\. “It’s not my home without you in it.”

 

 

Spring was Fili’s favourite season. The birds were singing again, it was neither too warm nor too cold, everything was blossoming and the sun seemed to reinvigorate nearly everything. Well, except Kili, of course. Sometimes Fili thought his boyfriend was the only one that could enjoy every season equally, still a child at heart somewhere, but it was one of the many things Fili loved him for. Kili took care of their little garden and the blond could never help but smile whenever his boyfriend stepped inside after he’d planted and pulled up weeds, covered in dirt. He just seemed to have a talent for getting himself dirty, it was the same with cooking and the reason why Fili took over the kitchen most of the time.

But Kili didn’t only take care of the garden, while Fili was mostly happy with a clean house, Kili liked to decorate. Easter, Halloween, Christmas, whatever was convenient the brunet used it as an excuse to embellish their home. Fili didn’t really mind, not with that bright smile on Kili’s lips or the way his eyes sparkled like the ones of a little kid, allowed to buy all the sweets it wanted. Besides, Kili did a very good job and Fili loved how everything looked different without being too cluttered.

In the summer, when it got too hot and sticky in their house Kili would just decide to pack their stuff and drive with him to the little lake in the forest. More often than not they were the only people there as the majority would rather go to an outdoor swimming pool near the city and hadn’t really discovered this lake as a good place to go swimming yet. It was nice, the togetherness, just the two of them and the sounds of the forest surrounding them. At times they felt bold enough to make love there, without a care in the world, ignoring what would happen if someone was going to see. Sure, they were often alone, but one could never know and perhaps this thrill was the reason why they still did it then and again, their tenths anniversary merely changing the numbers of the years but not how they acted. Kili had been Fili’s first in any way one could think of and although some liked to tell him that he was missing out on something in only being with Kili he couldn’t ever imagine loving someone as much as he loved Kili.

Fili hated the cold, but the winter had its advantages. Kissing his boyfriend or lying next to a chimney fire with him was among those. Of course their chimney was a modern thing and not an open fire, but it was atmospheric and perfect nonetheless and Fili couldn’t imagine a ‘real’ chimney to be any better. Kili made him feel alive, made him feel young, when he now and then managed to coax Fili out of the safety of their warm house to incite a snowball fight or got him to put on his ice skates when they stopped by _the_ lake. Kili even managed to persuade him to go sledding at night, when they could barely see with only the moonlight to guide them. Big kids they were on those days, but oh so happy when they flopped into the snow because they hadn’t shifted their weight in time.

So when Kili had the accident Fili’s world collapsed. His boyfriend was hit by a car on a day he’d gone to work by bike. He’d survived. Thank God. Still, he spent a few weeks in the hospital due to his severe injuries. The blond had always felt comfortable in their house, but now everything seemed out of place, seemed to be wrong and the knowledge that Kili would make a full recovery didn’t dispel any of these strange feelings either.

Sleeping was hard. Cooking and eating was hard with only the ticking of the clock to keep him company. It was so quiet… of course Kili and he weren’t always loud or talking, but even their comfortable silence had given the rooms some sort of voice… a voice he missed terribly and visiting Kili wasn’t very helpful as well, for the silence at home remained.

Which was why he was incredibly happy when Kili was finally released from the hospital. The brunet needed crutches for his broken ankle and so Fili walked slowly beside him, patiently waiting for Kili to ask for his help, since a few of his healing ribs were probably still bothering him. But so far his boyfriend only allowed him to carry his bag or to hold the door open for him.

“Well then, are you prepared to give up on your freedom?” Kili asked him, a grin adorning his features despite his heavy breathing.

“Nah, I’m just happy to have you back here with me,” he told him, while arranging a few pillows on the couch so Kili could rest there pain-free.

“Not even a bit sad about it?” His voice showed Fili plainly that his boyfriend was merely teasing him, but after the last weeks he wasn’t in the mood to join in.

Instead he leaned forward to kiss Kili gently on the lips.

“It’s not my home without you in it,” he replied, causing a bright smile to appear on the brunet’s face.

Spring was Fili’s favourite season. The birds were singing again, it was neither too warm nor too cold, everything was blossoming and the sun seemed to reinvigorate nearly everything. It was also in the spring that the man he loved had an accident and survived and for this Fili would be eternally grateful.

 

 


	5. Pretending to be the other's boyfriend

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 44\. “You saw your ex on the street and I was just on my way to the shops when you pulled me aside and asked me to pretend to be your boyfriend and I don’t even know your name but you’re really cute and I don’t normally do this kind of stuff AU”

 

 

Kili was a magnet for bad luck sometimes, but this was taking the biscuit! Of all people he had to randomly spot on the street and who were now heading exactly in his direction, it had to be his ex, Legolas, holding hands with his new girlfriend Tauriel. Oh, Kili was still so upset, of course he understood the concept of bisexuality, but being dumped for a woman felt worse all the same, as if only boobs and a higher voice could’ve saved their relationship.

He was long over Legolas, mind you, at first there had been unbelievable sadness and then came the anger until he was able to see the positive side of their breakup. Doing all the stuff he always wanted, but hadn’t been able to because Legolas thought it boring or wasn’t up for exciting trips, had been able to show Kili that he could be happy without the blond. He had been so crazy about going climbing, so a few weeks after the breakup he’d attended a course, learned everything he needed and after succeeding and standing atop of a mountain he’d crested relying on his own strength – though it was a group experience with other people of his course – Kili had felt like the happiest man in the world. That day he hadn’t missed it at all to be unable to share this moment with Legolas, because this moment wouldn’t have existed if they were still a couple.

But it didn’t really matter now if he was over him or not for in Kili’s eyes there was always a winner in a breakup and that was Legolas, seeing the way he was drooling over Tauriel a few metres in front of him to the point it made Kili physically sick to watch. It was only a matter of time until they would spot him and he couldn’t get away, he was supposed to place the tables and chairs outside of the café so the first guests could sit there and enjoy the nice weather. He grimaced, this would be embarrassing and awful and he just wanted to hide away until his ex was five blocks away.

Just when he wanted to resign himself to his fate a young man walked by. Clothes for casual wear, neat hair and beard, the former done in a ponytail and a glimpse of blue eyes when his gaze wandered over the street… all in all he was the kind of guy Kili would totally crush on, if he wasn’t so desperate right now. So as soon as the blond was about to walk past him, the brunet grabbed him by the arm and pulled him to the side, already rambling out loud his request:

“I’m so sorry to ask you this now, but my ex is coming in my direction with his _girlfriend_ and this is going to be so awkward, because he will want to talk to me, I know he will! And I can’t stand this right now, I’m over him, but I still don’t need him to rub his oh so happy life into my face, he is awful when he is happy, all showing off like ‘ _oh look at me, I’m the centre of the world, everyone should take the time to envy me_ ’ and I really don’t need this right now, I just want to do my job and not have to grapple with him, so please, I beg you, can you pretend to be my boyfriend?”

The other just stared at him for a while, probably trying to understand his frantic flood of words – Legolas had obviously been right when he’d said no one could understand him when he was talking in full panic mode – but good God up close the blue eyes of the young man were even more beautiful.

“Uh… you want me to play your boyfriend?” The blond asked with surprise.

Kili nodded frantically. “Yeah! Please say yes! You can get coffee for free here for a year or tea if you don’t like coffee or anything else, really! Just say yes! Please!”

Confusion gave way to understanding and what Kili thought was sympathy. “Such a bad breakup?” He asked.

The brunet swallowed hard, trying to block out the memories of screaming and hurtful words. “The worst,” he croaked, his voice filled with more emotion than he wanted a stranger to hear.

“What’s your name?”

“Huh?”

“If I’m going to play your boyfriend I need to know your name,” the other explained with a dimpled smile.

Kili blinked, momentarily lost in a smile that seemed so bright not even the rays of sunshine could compete with it, before he regained his composure again. Clearing his throat he answered:

“Kili.”

At the other’s following laugh Kili knees felt suddenly incredibly weak.

“Such a small world,” he chuckled, winding an arm around his shoulder. “My name is Fili.”

Kili just stared and stared and wondered at the same time if he looked as stupid as he felt right now, but Fili – oh, he liked how it felt on his tongue, even though he was only imagining saying his name out loud – apparently didn’t care.

“Let’s give him a reason to envy you,” he said in a low voice when Kili was already able to hear Legolas’ and Tauriel’s voices in the distance.

Fili had understood his flood of words. Legolas had always said no one could comprehend what he was saying when he was either panicking or so happy that the words couldn’t leave his mouth fast enough, for he feared to forget something. But Fili… the man he’d talked to for two minutes had understood what he’d said, whereas his ex hadn’t managed despite three years of relationship.  

What happened next Kili was barely able to comprehend. Legolas and Tauriel spotted them, came over and they all greeted one another. Kili introduced Fili to them as his boyfriend and Legolas looked truly startled. His heart was pounding so fast and there seemed to be a lump in his throat preventing him from talking, but Fili did an awesome job. He just chattered away, occasionally squeezing Kili closer or looking at him with so much love even the brunet was about to believe him. But the best, the absolute best part, was Fili messing up Legolas’ name, every time apologising the gaffe therewith that Kili had only once briefly mentioned his ex.

Legolas’ relief, when they finally decided to be on their way again, was hard to miss and Kili felt kind of dazed, but recovered fast once he and Fili were alone again.

“Oh my God! This was amazing! Have you seen his face?” He cheered. “Thank you so much! You were so great I almost fell for it too!”

Fili blushed at the compliment.

“That’s good to hear, I’m on my way to an audition.”

Kili gaped at him in astonishment. “You are an actor?”

“Well, I try to be,” Fili chuckled.

“Well… good luck then! I’m sure you will get the role, you are amazing!”

“Thank you!” An uncomfortable silence followed where none of them seemed to find the right words to say, until Fili coughed sheepishly. “I probably should get going.”

This helped Kili to find his words again.

“Hey! Wait! I promised you a reward for helping me.”

“Oh, right.” Fili appeared to be thinking hard for a moment. “I can have anything I want?” The blond asked carefully.

“Yup, anything you want. You pretty much saved my life here, so whatever you want, you get it,” he told him with a smile.

“In that case I think I’m going for your phone number.”

Kili couldn’t remember when had been the last time his cheeks had hurt so much from smiling.

 

 


	6. Hidden insecurities

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 47\. Hidden insecurities

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: Past Child Abuse

 

 

Fights had never been anything he liked and who on earth would like to fight? But sometimes they just happened. Sometimes he was angry and rightfully so and sometimes it was Fili’s turn and Kili had to apologise, mostly coupled with making his boyfriend dinner. But today was different. Today they were fighting over nothing and it always got to him.

Growing up with an uncle that only cared for grades and a good behaviour had left its mark. Hearing disappointed words like why he just couldn’t be among the best pupils, was there even anything he could do right? _If someone ruined our Christmas it was you with your awful behaviour! I’m so disappointed with you._ Most of his life Kili had been scared of that man and his temper, but had still tried to make him proud, but failing and things weighing so much in the eyes of his cold uncle that actually shouldn’t matter so much had made him feel useless and like a waste of space.

He was out of this house, had broken the contact to his uncle, had a job, no financial troubles and lived in a flat with his boyfriend. All in all he was having a pretty good time, however, the feeling of being not good enough had never left. It wasn’t as prominent anymore as it had once been, but it wasn’t gone either. And in a fight like this it returned with a force that nearly broke him apart while Fili ranted.

It was a ridiculous reason; it shouldn’t make them fight like this. He had only forgotten to garage the car. Kili knew Fili didn’t like it when the car was parked outside during the winter for sometimes the battery would cause trouble the next morning, but work had been so stressful today Kili had simply forgotten about it. Inside Fili was already waiting, snapping if he was deaf, for apparently the blond had opened a window and asked him to garage the car. He really hadn’t heard him, but this wasn’t what his boyfriend wanted to hear.

And now here they were, fighting over a car. It was stupid. Stupid. Kili was stupid for allowing it to go on instead of going outside and just garage the damn car. He couldn’t say what stopped him from doing so. Perhaps the exhaustion in his bones after seeing a man die today in the hospital.

“Is there even anything you can do without fucking up?” Fili eventually threw at him, completely lost in his anger.

It broke something in him. He remembered his uncle saying those words to him and from one moment to another he was that little boy again, unable to please anyone. Just a waste of space.

“Just shut up!” Kili screamed back at him, the only response his brain seemed to come up with. Tears blurred his vision, causing him to turn around hurriedly and stormed out of the building to garage the fucking car. Hoping Fili hadn’t seen the tears in his eyes. He’d never cried in front of his boyfriend and suddenly he felt immensely scared how Fili might react to it. Like his uncle perhaps? Cold and distant. Kili shuddered as the air of a freezing winter’s night hit him.

Once the task was done he stayed in the car, stopping the engine, crossing his arms on the steering wheel, burying his face into the fabric of his sweater and cried. What if he’d ruined everything over something as stupid as this? That was just what his uncle would expect of him. He fucked up, every time. _Such a waste of space_.

Kili couldn’t have sat there for a long time – although the temperatures in the car had already dropped severely – when the passenger door opened and Fili flopped down beside him. Wordlessly wrapping a blanket around Kili’s shoulders the blond had brought with him. The brunet thought about hiding the tears, it would be no use, though, Fili had probably already seen.

Eventually Fili sighed deeply, a hint of regret audible in his voice.

“I’m sorry, Kili. I don’t know what came over me. I shouldn’t have treated you that way. Work has been crazy this week and I think I took my anger about it out on you. It’s no excuse and I feel terrible. I’m truly sorry. Please, forgive me.”

Sniffling, his mind tried to comprehend that he hadn’t fucked up, that Fili was actually apologising to him, but all he could think of was his uncle. Kili still felt like a failure.

“My uncle said this to me… I don’t know how often… always makes me feel like I can never be good enough for anyone,” he breathed.

Fili inhaled sharply, a sound Kili had never heard before. Only a few heartbeats later the brunet was pulled into a loving embrace. The fear of losing his boyfriend left him in mere seconds, enfolded in arms speaking of affection and safety. Of love and warmth.

“I’m so sorry I made you feel like this. You are more than enough. You are perfect, just the way you are, please, never doubt this.”

And being held like this, kisses placed onto his head of hair while loving words were whispered near his ear, Kili felt for the first time like he could truly believe it.

 

 


	7. Modern-day Princes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 124\. “Fili and Kili are modern-day princes; the media and tabloids keep speculating over who they’re dating, never realizing they’re actually a couple themselves”

 

 

Kili was reading the paper when Fili stepped inside the living room, ready to take the brunet out for dinner and perhaps to the fair at the other side of the city if Kili could behave long enough without initiating something that wasn’t supposed for public eyes. For the outside world they had an important event scheduled for today, so before any of the paparazzi would realise it was fake it would already be too late to follow them. It was probably this secretiveness that had created this _thing_ going on.

Fili groaned when he saw what kind of paper the other was reading.

“Oh, come on, don’t read that shit.”

“Don’t let mum hear, the swear jar is already overflowing,” Kili stated without looking up, instead he turned the page with relish. “Besides, I need to know what you are up to, dear brother. You are spending an awful lot of time with Sigrid. Insiders are whispering you might be dating the mayor’s daughter,” the brunet shot him an amused glance over the margin of the paper.

“Don’t call me that,” Fili said, folding his arms.

“Call you what?” His boyfriend asked, raising his eyebrows. “Brother?”

“It sounds like what we’re doing is wrong,” he hastily defended himself.

“Stepbrother, then. And we aren’t doing anything forbidden, rumour has it I’m planning a secret wedding with Tauriel.”

“Seriously? Because you two work on a project for the uni together?” He asked. Sometimes Fili wondered if there was even one kind of medium he could still trust with a clear conscience.

“Fili, I’m shocked,” he cried, theatrically pressing a hand to his chest. “The signs are all there, how can you doubt our deep and endless love for one another?”

Shaking his head, Fili chuckled lightly. “You are ridiculous.”

“Ridiculously smitten with you,” the other replied with a teasing smirk.

Laughing Fili nudged his little brother’s legs with his knee, attempting to incite him to take his feet off the coffee table – oh, if Dis saw Kili wouldn’t have a reason to smile for a very long time – and stand up.

“Come on you lazy dork, I have reserved a table and I don’t want to miss out on my steak.”

Finally Kili folded the paper and placed it on the table before he got up swiftly, a little excited bounce visible in his sudden movement. Within a few heartbeats he stood in front of him, winding his arms around Fili’s neck, tilting his head he kissed him with such hunger one could think they hadn’t seen each other for a long while. Pressing against him as closely as possible Fili allowed it to go on for some time. Savouring the other’s lips and drinking in the little pleased hums he could coax from Kili’s throat. When they eventually broke the kiss the brunet held them in this position, brushing their noses together with a little smile.

“I think I have something better to offer,” he suggested.

But Fili was having none of it, wiggled out of Kili’s arms and met his gaze with determination.

“No, I haven’t set up a fake event for the third time when we aren’t going to use it. Dinner, fair and then you can show me what you have to offer.”

Kili rolled his eyes at him, but Fili knew he had won, in the end the brunet loved the restaurant just as much as he did.

“You are no fun,” his boyfriend still added, though, it was only said in jest.

“I will make you regret these words as soon as we are home again.”

 

 


	8. Pirate AU

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 52\. “Pirates attack a ship laden with treasure, but the young captain discovers the greatest treasure aboard the other ship is the captive prince hiding below deck.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I still think this would've worked better as a multi chaptered fic instead of what it is now.
> 
> WARNING: Captivity and Non-Graphic Violence

 

 

Well, that wasn’t how he’d imagined this to go, Fili thought as he stared at the brunet, bound to a buttress, clothed in dirty silk and with an expression on his features that screamed murder. The ship had seemed like an easy target and hadn’t been an worthy opponent either, merely promising money and in some way had held to this expectation, for the young man in front of him was no other than the nephew of Thorin Oakenshield, chief of the board of trade, and the only thing of wealth on this ship. Despite the expensive wine, of course.

“Set me free,” the young man demanded, voice firm but hoarse from disuse. A fire seemed to burn in his eyes, defiance, the blond recognised immediately. It would be interesting to see how long he would be able to hold on to this behaviour, for if there was something Fili didn’t like it was to be treated like a servant. And it took one look to understand that Kili saw him exactly as this, a servant, an insect not worth his precious time.

“I don’t think so,” Fili hissed. His mind was racing with all the possibilities this unfortunate meeting might cause. Their life was forfeit the moment they’d spotted the other ship. Oakenshield wasn’t a man to surrender to pirates. He would hunt the men down responsible for kidnapping his nephew and he would kill them, no one was going to cry over the souls stupid enough to mess with the most important man of the colonies. If Oakenshield learned of the involvement of Fili’s crew they would be his next target. He wasn’t going to allow it, but the brunet would be a risk as long as he lived.

“If you bring me home my uncle will reward you with your ships weight in gold and-”

“Do you take me for a fool,” Fili interrupted him with a snarl before the other could develop his lie further. He didn’t need his men falling for such a trick. “I’ve lost enough men to Oakenshield, good men, all desperate and lured by the promise of gold and amnesty. Trusting your uncle only earned them the noose. No one here will believe your lies, you devious snake!”

The other winced under the harsh words, giving the blond the feeling of satisfaction. A wiser captain would’ve killed the captive then and there, hadn’t there been one problem. Fili didn’t want to lower himself to Oakenshield’s standards and so, despite putting them all in danger with his decision, he took Kili with them. He would just have to make sure that the lad wasn’t going to do anything stupid.

 

 

* * *

 

 

The brunet did something stupid the second day on his ship, stole the keys during one of Dori’s careless moments and tried to escape from his cells. Only armed with a blunt kitchen knife the reckless fool thought of fighting his way to deck. He came too far for Fili’s liking, though it would have ended at the brunet’s destination either way if the lad hadn’t intended stealing a rowing boat. Still, he managed to ram the knife into Dwalin’s shoulder before Fili’s first mate was able to knock him down.

Dark purple bruises and swollen skin had decorated his face when the blond pronounced the sentence. Pain would be repaid with pain; Fili would never tolerate silently after one of his men had gotten hurt and he wouldn’t start to make exceptions for a spoiled, rich scoundrel.

Ten lashes with a whip and Fili dealt them all. How others were able to enjoy the cries of a wounded, he would never understand, but he did what had to be done without contorting his face. And when he was finished he ordered Oin to have a look at the injuries. No one was going to die under his command, not if he could help it and not even a captive.

From this day on Kili was guarded constantly, his hands chained with heavy irons.

 

 

* * *

 

 

A week went by until Kili tried again to run. This time they were able to take him out before anyone got hurt. A punishment was needed nonetheless and the crew decided unanimously for a gag, since they were all sick of the insults thrown at them when they had to watch the lad.

 

 

* * *

 

 

He wouldn’t eat and it started to worry Fili. Not enough to admit it out loud, but to cause him to dart concerned glances at the lad. It was reported by Bofur that Kili had even attempted to bite the merry musician, when he’d tried to feed him forcefully.

Trying to dispel the guilt eating at him Fili liked to murmur to himself, in the privacy of his cabin, that the lad should starve if this was his wish. They were only going to benefit from it if there was one less hungry mouth to feed. However, he wasn’t cruel. Perhaps Kili just needed something to look forward to again.

 

 

* * *

 

 

The next time they landed on an island Fili ordered his men to lead the captive off the ship. Foregoing eating for such a long time had taken its toll on Kili. For a second, when unsteady feet felt finally solid ground again, he looked like he was going to run, one last desperate attempt of escaping. But the spark of the old fire disappeared so fast Fili was left wondering if it had even been there in the first place.

It was hard to miss that the captain of the _Twinsword_ had succeeded. He had broken his rebellious captive in barely a month. He ought to be proud, but there was nothing than regret for killing the fire of a strong mind.

Fili was the only one escorting Kili to a lake in the heart of the little island. There he allowed the lad to wash the dirt from his body. The place had always been a small idyll and the blond liked to come here whenever they could spare time since Dain, the pirate under whose lead Fili had grown up,  had shown him this island. The burbling of a small waterfall carried a soothing atmosphere, but today he felt as tense as Kili looked.

With hunched shoulders he crouched into the shallow water and scrubbed his body until it was finally clean again. Fili allowed him to take his time, acting like he didn’t see the trembling form in front of him and what it meant. Not once had he made someone cry and he couldn’t say how he felt about it.

New clothes were handed to the lad, the old had to be burned since not even Dori seemed to believe they could ever be cleaned again. If Kili wouldn’t have looked so miserable right there he could’ve been passed off as one of them.

On the same day Fili decided their captive didn’t need the chains and the gag anymore.

 

 

* * *

 

 

While the others were still drinking and singing at the beach of their favourite island Fili retired sooner than normally, he wasn’t feeling in a party mood, instead the guilt sat like a hot stone in his belly. Perhaps this was the reason why his feet carried him to the cells, where Ori was supposed to keep watch over Kili.

Instead he found the young redhead beside the brunet’s shaking form on the cot. Rubbing his upper arm gently as Kili faced the wall. It was painfully obvious that the lad had started to cry again, just the sight squeezed Fili’s heart in a vice-like grip.

“Please, you have to understand, Fili only tries to protect us. He doesn’t mean to hurt you, but you can’t just attack us and think it has no consequences,” he murmured softly.

“I just want to go home,” Kili sobbed. “I thought I wanted to get away, but all I managed was to be held captive. I want to go home, I don’t care what uncle will do, I just want to go back.”

So he had tried to leave… suddenly everything seemed terribly obvious. If Thorin was such a feared man among pirates, who told him he was only like this in public. Being Thorin’s heir had to be a burden he couldn’t even imagine, especially for such a free spirited young man Kili had appeared to be during the first week. Now the outside world he’d always dreamed of had to look much crueller than the home he’d tried to escape from.

“Shh,” Ori soothed him. “It’s all right. Tell me a bit about your home. What do you miss the most?”

“I miss to feel the sun,” came the hiccuped reply, hitting Fili like a blow to the stomach.

 

 

* * *

 

 

“Get up,” Fili told the brunet the next morning.

Without protest the lad hurried to his feet and let himself be guided on deck of the ship. He knew what Kili was thinking by the way he tried to make himself appear smaller, but he hoped he could win his trust now in doing the right thing. The confused gaze he received when he coaxed Kili into sitting down by the rail made him almost blurt out all the apologies that seemed to have gathered in his throat over the last night, he wasn’t allowed to look weak in front of his men and so he just went over to the wheel to savour the warm rays of sunshine and keep an eye on the brunet without it looking too obvious.

The lad seemed so forlorn in his tense position Fili nearly let the plan drop, but then Ori walked over to the brunet, engaging him into a conversation, though Kili only nodded or shook his head in an intimidated manner. The young pirate didn’t mind and why would he? The reason for his presence was mostly to set Kili’s mind at ease.

It took about an hour before Bofur flopped down beside Ori, leaving one of Kili’s sides open so the lad didn’t feel cornered, and began to play a merry song on his flute. Fili loved it when the fingers of the wind stroked his hair or the foam of the sea caressed his skin, such sensations, however, were now obtaining a competitor in form of a tiny smile creeping to Kili’s lips.

 

 

* * *

 

 

Two years later Fili would awake to soft lips, kissing their way from his cheek to his chest, warm breath ghosting over his skin the whole way down. He would open his eyes to see Kili smiling up to him, while his fingers brushed over his naked skin, barely touching but still able to make his skin crawl in the most pleasant way possible.

 

 


	9. How many times have they done this to you?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 78\. How many times have they done this to you?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: Bullying, Referenced Homophobia, Underage Kissing

 

 

Since the day one of his classmates found out Fili was gay his life took a turn for the worse. A week later the whole school talked about it and the bullying started. It wasn’t anything he couldn’t endure at first, just whispering when he walked by. What hurt him most in the beginning was to come to terms with the fact that his friends hadn’t been really his friends but just people he hung out with, who didn’t want to spent time with him anymore, fearing he would make them gay. It was such a ridiculous idea and it had hurt, more than he wanted to admit at the time. Weeks had to pass until Fili understood he didn’t need those people in his life, unfortunately it cost him a lot of pleading with his once so called friends - trying to convince them hanging out with him wouldn’t magically change their sexuality - to finally give up and move on.

Moving on, however, didn’t turn out to be that easy either, for soon it wasn’t only whispering, but cruel jokes, hiding and messing up his stuff, with violence every now and then on top of it. Fili tried once to ask for help, but the teacher told him to stop overreacting and that he should just ignore stupid comments. Only ignoring made it worse, they wanted to see his response to their actions and the longer Fili denied them, the more they put their backs in tormenting him. Often he found himself crying, so ashamed of himself for being not strong enough to stop it… the reason why he lied to his parents and played the perfect son, explaining bruises with good natured wrestling between him and his friends… his mum and dad were so busy with work they didn’t even noticed he hadn’t brought his friends home with him in months.

The first day of the next year started as awful as the last before the summer holidays had ended. Fili had tried to avoid the bullies, but just as usually they found him anyway. The punch to his stomach came so fast Fili wasn’t given the change to brace himself. The air in his body left his lungs, tears gathering before his eyes as he gagged dryly and groaned with pain. A kick to his knee pits caused him to tumble over, barely able to break his fall with his hands. Because of the sudden movement his backpack collided painfully with the back of his head. Someone laughed mockingly.

“Hey! Leave him alone!”

Fili couldn’t quite believe it at first. It was so surreal, after a year of helplessness with the bullying getting more and more out of hand someone finally decided enough was enough. At first the blond thought it wouldn’t change anything at all, but then he dared to looked up, seeing one of his tormentors stumble after a forceful shove.

For a moment Fili was sure Mark, one of the bullies, was going to hit his saviour, but nothing like this happened, instead they gave up… just like that. The blond watched their forms disappear into the building, his stomach still in cramps after the awful punch.

“Hey, are you okay?” the teen crouching beside him asked, brunet hair falling into his intense brown eyes.

“Uh… yeah,” he replied moderately eloquent.

He accepted the offered hand and let himself be pulled to his feet, bending down slightly to dust himself off, wincing as his sore stomach protested.

“How many times have they done this to you?”

Fili suppressed the urge to snort. “You aren’t from here, are you? Well, I don’t really count.”

“Sorry,” his saviour apologised, sensing he’d asked the wrong question and Fili felt immediately bad when he spotted the awkward expression on the other’s face. Great, someone finally helped him and he didn’t manage to say thank you.

“Thank you,” he therefore hurriedly blurted out.

“Don’t mention it,” the teen said with a smile. “And you are right. I’m not from here. My parents and I moved here two weeks ago, this is my first day here at school. My name is Kili,” the brunet introduced himself at last and Fili nearly laughed at the strange coincidence.

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

As it turned out Kili and he attended the same class and soon became the best friends. The teen didn’t care about his sexuality and Fili assumed that this was how friendship was supposed to work. Kili’s presence kept the bullies away, who only seemed to be brave enough if they were targeting him alone and even those that still dared to whisper got a piece of Kili’s mind and seemed kind of embarrassed when they were caught.

School finally wasn’t anymore the worst place Fili could imagine and he also found himself spending a lot of time with Kili after school and on the weekends. Without first noticing it he and Kili had gotten pretty much inseparable. Until one day the brunet wasn’t there to walk home with him (while Kili was in the archery team, Fili played in the school orchestra). For an hour he waited in front of the building, but there was no sight of the brunet and the more time passed the more Fili had to admit that his friend wasn’t coming.

On his whole way home he feared the worst, went over every little word he’d said today or this week that could’ve caused Kili to be angry with him, but he wasn’t able to come up with anything. His texts and calls were ignored as well and Fili’s worry increased with every passing hour.

But then, right after dinner time, someone rang at the door. Hoping against all odds the person to be Kili Fili rushed to the door, opened it and was greeted with the worst sight he could ever imagine. Kili, the left side of his face covered in bruises, one eye swollen shut, but grinning from ear to ear as soon as they faced one another.

“Oh my God, Kee! What happened?” He cried, darting forward to cup the brunet’s head gently in his hands to examine the damage.

Kili hissed softly. “Not much. Mark was talking crap about you and I talked back, because no one is allowed to talk shit about you, but… well… things got out of hand and now Mark got suspended.”

Tears were blurring his vision. How could his friend talk like that?

“And he beat you black and blue,” he croaked.

“Don’t worry, it doesn’t even hurt anymore!” Kili said, betraying his words only a few seconds later with a sharp inhale of breath when Fili let go of his head.

“Don’t tell me not to worry! I don’t want you to get hurt for my sake!” He told the brunet sternly, blinking back tears in the process.

Kili pulled a face. “And what about me? I don’t want you to get hurt either and Mark was talking about that stuff. Someone had to do something! He is an asshole and the teachers seem to get it now. I can’t just do nothing, okay? I really like you, Fili!”

Fili sighed. “Well, I like you, too, so-“

“No, Fili! I really _like_ you. Okay?” The hint of desperation in Kili’s voice caught his attention. This couldn’t mean what he thought it meant… or… could it?

“Please, don’t hate me,” the other whispered and before Fili was able to wonder what Kili was exactly talking about warm lips pressed already against his.

As soon as the kiss had started it was already over again, causing Fili to stare at the brunet, shock surging through his whole system. In the meantime Kili was chewing nervously on his split bottom lip, looking only more miserable with the bruises colouring his skin.

“Please, say something,” the teen eventually squeaked with fear, voice pitched higher than Fili thought possible.

A tiny smile crept to Fili’s lips as his head managed to comprehend what just happened and how it had made him feel.

“I think I _like_ you, too.”

 

 


	10. Roller coasters

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 40\. Person A keeps dragging Person B out on dates to an amusement park, but Person B is secretly terrified of roller coasters.

 

 

Fili was certain of two things: One he had a hell of a crush on Kili. Two… this exact crush was most likely going to put him into an early grave, at least if the trips to the amusement park didn’t end soon. Fili had a crush on Kili for quite some time, but only during a fair and after an awful ride with the swingboat the two of them had gotten to talk. To that time Fili was sure to have no desire to live left in him and was so nauseous after the ride that he wasn’t really thinking clear. Otherwise he would have never said he loved all kind of funfair rides, especially roller coasters, when Kili had started to get all excited about it.

Seven times Kili had dragged him to an amusement park since then, Fili had counted and every day was a mixture of torture and the happiest day of his life, the brunet was with him after all, and seeing his bright smile radiating more warmth then the sun ever could seemed always to make up for the ordeal.

Being afraid of heights was one thing, but getting as fast nauseated as he tended to was probably going to ruin his first actual date - because they both came to an understanding beforehand that it was exactly this. Why couldn’t he have said no when Kili asked him if it was alright to go to the amusement park? Why hadn’t he just said ‘ _no, Kee, I would like to treat you to a meal_ ’? He was such an idiot. Instead he sat again in one of those infernal machines, pretty sure that he was only minutes away from vomiting into Kili’s lap, which wouldn’t increase his changes to kiss the brunet.

Somehow he survived the roller coaster; of course Kili had enjoyed the whole ride and was already dragging him along to the free fall tower. At the sight Fili was ready to break into tears. He couldn’t take this anymore. His stomach felt so queasy, he was slightly dizzy and his knees seemed to shake with every step.

“Kili,” he pleaded desperately. Kili stopped instantly just when they reached the line, turning around with a look of confusion on his face.

“Is everything okay?” The brunet asked.

“No… I have to confess something. I… don’t like roller coasters or… amusement parks. I can’t stomach it and I’m terribly afraid of heights. I’m sorry for lying… I just… I’m crushing on you for ages and I didn’t want to miss the change to spend time with you.”

Worriedly he watched as a horrified expression took over Kili’s features. Fili winced inwardly, assuming it could only mean the worst.

“Holy shit, Fili! Why didn’t you say so earlier? I must’ve dragged you along four times already.”

“Eight with today,” Fili corrected him ruefully and Kili blanched.

“Oh, God! I’m so sorry! I’m the worst date ever!”

“What?” The blond screamed in shock. “No! That’s not your fault. If I didn’t like you I wouldn’t have agreed going here!” Pleadingly he willed Kili to believe him, but the brunet seemed just as miserable as before Fili’s denying words.

“But I should’ve seen! I wanted both of us to have a great time, but I didn’t even realise you weren’t enjoying yourself!”

“That’s because I didn’t try to show it!”

“That’s no excuse, if I ever want to be more than just a date I have to notice what makes you uncomfortable!”

“Kili-”

“Don’t ‘Kili’ me!”

“Perhaps you could discuss this without blocking spots in the line,” someone behind them suddenly interrupted their louder growing discussion.

Blushing simultaneously, they left the public spot, just away from annoyed, as well as amused, faces. But the tense atmosphere wasn’t lifted so easily. They walked in silence beside one another and Fili didn’t like the way Kili avoided his gaze, instead turning his eyes to the ground. He, on the other hand, had no idea how to solve this, telling Kili it was fine wouldn’t magically make him believe it and taking the blame didn’t work either. Following his intuition Fili reached for Kili’s hand, intertwining their fingers.

Meeting his eyes the brunet’s face showed a mask of surprise.

“I always have a great time when I’m with you. Sure, I’m fucking scared of roller coasters, but you were with me, so it wasn’t that bad. I really like you, Kili. And I don’t want us to stop dating only because of this.”

A small smile formed on the brunet’s lips.

“Me neither,” he admitted softly.

And because they were far enough away from the line of the free fall tower and Fili was sensing this was the right moment - and the nausea was gone as well - he captured Kili’s lips in a tender kiss.

 

 


	11. Reincarnation AU

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 92\. “I skipped like four cycles of reincarnation and I know you’re pissed at me for leaving you all those lifetimes but it wasn’t my fault please please will you take me back” au

 

 

Fili didn’t really know what he had expected after missing four cycles of reincarnation. Perhaps that Kili would beat him black and blue, would try to ignore him or tell him that he wouldn’t take him back. What actually happened came still as a surprise. Fili had just rang the doorbell, hearing footfalls in the inside of the building not much later. In a swift motion the wooden door was opened and Kili’s familiar face appeared. Then the eyes he loved so much stared at him for a few seconds, blinking once, twice.

“No!” The brunet screamed and slammed the door shut again.

Too nonplussed to react properly Fili only gazed at the place where a few heartbeats ago his beloved had stood. Shaking off the initial shock Fili rang the doorbell anew and again when Kili didn’t open and again and again and again.

“Go away, Fili! I don’t want to see you!” Kili snapped after finally meeting Fili again in front of his flat.

“Please, let me explain!” He pleaded, stretching out his arms in the process.

Instead of an answer a fist collided painfully with his cheek, forcing him to stumble a few steps backwards, hands going to his sore face as a groan escaped his throat.

“Go away, Fili,” Kili snapped again.

Straightening his back the blond hurriedly shook his head. “No. Beat me up if that helps you, I won’t stop you. But I’m not going to leave!”

They measured each other for a while, stern glances not once breaking contact until at last Kili cursed and disappeared into his flat, leaving the door wide open so Fili could step inside. Warily he followed his love to the living room, where the brunet was pacing back and forth.

“You have no idea how it feels,” Kili started before Fili could open his mouth to apologise for his long absence, “to return to the usual meeting spot and always be alone. To wait and to hope, but the one you love just doesn’t show up. To do this for four cycles, hoping against all odds that one day he would return to you. That he hadn’t gone on without you. That he hadn’t forgotten about you,” when the brunet’s breath hitched at the last words Fili was there.

Winding his arms around Kili and pulling him into a loving embrace, tears soaking his shirt at his shoulder. The blond gently rubbed his beloved’s back, just holding him and whispering apologies into his hair.

“I’m so sorry. I didn’t want to miss those four cycles, I don’t know why I have. I would never willingly leave you alone, please, believe me. When I remembered my former lives and got aware of the big time gap I knew something had gone wrong and that I’ve left you alone for far too long. I didn’t want to. I didn’t. Please, believe me. Please, don’t push me away. Please, take me back,” a frantic tone took over his speech, his hands not once stopping in their soothing movements.

They stayed like that for quite some time, Kili crying and Fili asking for his forgiveness over and over again. Until a muffled “of course I will take you back” reached the blond’s ears.

 

 


	12. 10 reasons why we got back together after we broke up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 73\. 10 reasons why we got back together after we broke up

 

 

“I’ve heard you and Kili are back together,” Nori said as Fili took a place beside him at the bar.

“It’s nice to you see you, too. Yeah, I’m good, thanks for asking, how are you?” The blond replied, voice dripping with sarcasm. “Seriously man, I’m here for two seconds and you start with this shit?“

He shouldn’t be surprised, their break up had been a disaster of screaming and broken hearts and now, half a year later, they were back together and of course this information would do the rounds before they wanted to share their new found happiness. Ori, as Fili had known for a long time already, could be an awful telltale – one of the reasons the blond didn’t want the other to find out just yet, but timing wasn’t on their side when the red-head walked in on them snogging. There wasn’t a clearer statement to say ‘ _hey, we made up ‘_ , really.

“Keep calm, mate. I already ordered you a beer, so are we cool?”

If Fili had any say in this then no, they weren’t, but he didn’t want to fight right now, not when he’d been feeling as cheerful as he hadn’t in a long time and so he forced himself to nod tersely, hoping it would get Nori to drop it. However, Nori was Nori and so he wouldn’t do him the favour.

“But still, Kili? What are you thinking? You two have nothing in common. Have you forgotten how miserable you were after the break up? Do you want to feel like this all over again? For I won’t answer your calls if this goes wrong again.”

Gobsmacked Fili glanced at his friend, the music in the pub no longer reaching his ears. What the hell was going on here? Was this all Nori had to say? He was supposed to feel happy for him, not to throw that shit around!

“Listen,” he started, half getting up from the bar stool, half still sitting, “if this is all you have to say then goodnight! I don’t need this kind of behaviour in my life and you claim to be my friend? I don’t have to answer this shit.”

An arm came up out of nowhere, a hand grabbing his upper arm and preventing him from leaving the bar.

“I’m sorry,” the other replied hurriedly, though Fili knew he wasn't. Nori wasn’t that kind of guy, but at least the annoyed tone had left his voice for now. “It’s just… come on, you can’t expect me to be happy for you after seeing how deeply Kili hurt you.”

The blond allowed himself to take a more comfortable seat at the stool and sighed. In a way he understood, but it was so hard to think about this when all he felt were butterflies going crazy inside his stomach. When all he wanted was to celebrate.

“Kili had issues, but he is taking care of them. I can’t tell you what strained him, it’s personal and it would be unfair on him to just babble it out, but he is getting help now, partly for himself and partly because he wanted to fight for me.”

Despite not being in a merry state any longer – he felt actually a bit tired after Nori had to start arguing with him – he still couldn’t help but smile, thinking about the day two weeks ago Kili had suddenly appeared at his doorstep, telling him how sorry he felt for his words, that he loved him and would do everything Fili demanded if he would just give him a second chance.  The blond had never been good in denying the brunet, but he’d noticed right away that Kili was a lot calmer than before their break up. He’d truly changed and shouldered it for _him._ What else was there to do beside speaking out and trying again?

Fili was relieved when his beer arrived and took a few gulps, emptying the bottle almost, the cool drink and its taste soothing something in him so he wouldn’t walk out of their uncomfortable conversation.

“Okay, I can see why you would take him back but-“

“Is there anything I can say to make you stop talking about it in the way you do?”

At that Nori seemed truly at the loss of words and Fili was already celebrating his victory, when the other suddenly opened his lips again and started anew:

“Ten reasons!”  He exclaimed, probably just having come up with the idea.

“What?”

“Give me ten reasons why you got back together and I will never mention it again.”

Fili examined him suspiciously for a moment, but decided it was worth a try. Whatever would get Nori to shut up, he was slowly becoming desperate. He just wanted to have a nice evening with a friend and not his relationship put to the test.

“Alright,” he agreed, taking a sip from his bottle before beginning his list. “Firstly: He loves me and I love him. Secondly: He is getting help now just to be with me again. Thirdly: He is the only one I can go on and on about photography and painting without getting interrupted at some point. And he has also never made fun of it.”

At this Nori had at least the decency to look guilty.

“Fourthly: When I have a hard day he drives to the other side of town for me to get me something from my favourite pizzeria. Fifthly: He makes sure I don’t overwork. Sixthly: He looks at me like I am the centre of the universe. Seventhly: He laughs about my jokes, even the bad ones. Eighthly: When it’s his turn to make breakfast he sometimes sings along with the radio, he can’t sing and it sounds completely out of tune, but he looks adorable and when he dances along, only wearing his shorts,” he couldn’t hold the laugh in, bubbling in his throat while Nori grimaced at the image, “it’s such a sight. Ninthly: It’s cute how protective he can be when someone treats me poorly and he is always fast to reassure me, when I’m feeling a bit down. Tenthly: the sex, do I need to add more?”

“No, please don’t,” Nori begged. “That was more than I ever wanted to know about you and him.”

Fili smirked, watching as Nori ordered another beer. It seemed like he was going to have his peace regarding this topic for a very long time.

 

 


	13. Trip to the beach, but one of you don’t know how to swim.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 14\. Trip to the beach, but one of you don’t know how to swim.

 

 

Fili had never been often at the beach, being a quiet child with little to no confidence had it made extremely hard to find friends. So when the few that were still hanging out with him went to the beach on hot summer days Fili always refused to go with them, ashamed of his small build and fearing others would make fun of him if they found out what the blond even today tried to keep a secret. Sometimes he’d regretted never going with them, but he hadn’t spent his time bored and sulking on these days either. Instead he’d painted all afternoon, all of this practising had given him the confidence he’d needed, for he knew he was good at it and he could say so without sounding arrogant because others thought so as well.

Finding a job and being happy with what he was doing and with his colleagues had helped as well and since he and Kili were a couple his self-esteem had gotten another boost and the voice inside his head that had liked to belittle him paid him only rarely a visit.

Today, however, it had returned, whispering mockingly to him while he tried to block it out and reply to Kili’s cheerful chattering. If the brunet had asked him first Fili wouldn’t have agreed to go to the beach, would have attempted to avoid going with distracting his boyfriend, but he was caught off guard and Kili had been adamant and so they were on their way to the beach. The blond kept his breathing calm, telling himself he could stay in the shallow water, there was nothing to be afraid of, the uneasy feeling remained nevertheless.

Luckily the beach was pretty much deserted when they arrived. Living offside the tourism conurbation and with kids being in school, and most of the other people at work, they were alone on this morning. It was early but already so hot cooling down in the water wasn’t such a bad idea.

However, when it was time to get out of the car Fili couldn’t. Kili was already busy with getting their stuff out while the blond was rooted to the spot. What would his boyfriend say the moment he realised Fili didn’t go into the deeper water? Would he laugh? Would he mock him? He couldn’t imagine Kili doing so, but the voice inside his head told him otherwise. Told him how ridiculous it was for a grown man to be unable to swim. It was pathetic, really.

“Are you alright?” Kili’s voice suddenly yanked him from his destructive thoughts.

With wide eyes Fili took in the worried expression dominating Kili’s features and swallowed hard. His heart was pounding too fast for such an ordinary situation and he was beginning to sweat because of a heat settling down in his body that wasn’t related to the temperatures outside.

“Yeah, I’m fine,” he croaked, turning his head slightly and avoiding Kili’s gaze.

“You neither look nor sound fine. What’s wrong? You know you can talk to me, don’t you?”

Fili wanted to keep it a secret forever, it was so embarrassing, but he heard the concern in those few words and he didn’t have the heart to lie. He hated worrying others; it was something he wasn’t going to get used to, ever. No one should be worried because of him and he especially didn’t like to hurt people this way.

“Nothing bad… it’s just… I… I can’t swim,” he dared to glance up to Kili still hovering by the passenger door, looking like he’d expected everything but this. “I mean, I grew up with my unlce and he was always so busy with the company that some things fell by the wayside.”

“Oh,” Kili blurted out in a tone Fili immediately disliked. Bracing himself for a snarky comment or laughter how the voice advised him the blond waited for his boyfriend’s reaction. “You must think me an idiot for not realising sooner!”

“No, it’s alright!” He hurriedly replied, unable to comprehend what was happening, blinking in surprise.

Kili didn’t laugh. Kili didn’t mock. Kili was merely concerned, nothing more and hadn’t he known this deep in his heart where his insecurities held no power?

“It’s kind of embarrassing, actually,” Fili added, hoping to sound as nonchalant as he attempted to.

“Nah, it’s cool. I didn’t know how to ride a bike until I turned eighteen. My mother couldn’t afford one sooner. So there’s nothing to it and it’s never too late to learn. I will show you, if you like.”

And how was anyone able to say no to such a disarming smile.

 

 


	14. Dwarfling Fíli and Kíli

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 6\. Dwarfling Fili and Kili, little Kili has an accident, falls down, hurts himself, etc and big brother Fili makes him feel better. Maybe with a bandage and a story

 

 

Fíli gave his little brother a sign with his hand, before both brothers darted crouched through the dark hallways of an old mine that had long been closed. Only a sparse light illuminated their path, sunlight transported into the mountain with the help of a big crystal, pooling the rays and allowing the dwarves to feel the difference between day and night even under the mountain. Some parts of the Ered Luin were still darker than others, but they were dwarves, born to live here, with eyes that adjusted easily to the dark.

“Are you sure the dragon lives here?” Kíli asked when they reached one of the great halls where rails and a lonely wagon could be spotted. The brunet gnawed at his bottom lip, obviously fearing the consequences should someone notice their presence here.

It was prohibited for dwarflings to come into this area and since Kíli had quite a record of broken rules he’d gotten a bit more careful after Thorin had told him he would take his bow away if the young dwarf did something forbidden again. Fíli, on the other hand, didn’t really care about it. He’d always wanted to play down here since he’d gotten the first look at the tunnels, he wasn’t getting that often into trouble as Kíli as well and so he ignored the worry of his little brother. They wouldn’t get caught, Fíli had planned everything perfectly!

“Of course I’m sure, I have seen it,” the blond fibbed. In his opinion it was still hilarious that Kíli believed all the stupid stories he told him. During the last summer he’d told him an elvish witch was living in a sea near the Blue Mountains, eating dwarflings of his age, because Fíli didn’t want his little brother to follow him and his friends when they went swimming. Kíli had been so scared it was a scream.

Leading the younger into one of the tunnels to their right they made their way through the tight passageway, just wide enough for a wagon that once had to be filled with gemstones. Fíli had never seen a mine before and the quick glance he’d already caught at this place didn’t count, so now his gaze was roaming over the walls and to the ceiling. Even the mines that hadn’t been closed were off-limits for him, too dangerous, uncle Thorin liked to say.

The tunnel, however, wasn’t leading them very far before they reached an old ladder, rungs disappearing into the darkness of the belly of the mountain. Fíli whistled impressed. He couldn’t see the ground so he assumed it had to be a long way down. Meanwhile Kíli was supporting himself with pressing his hands to his thighs, body bent as he stared into the impenetrably darkness.

Fíli was still musing if they should take the risk and climb down, when suddenly the ground beneath Kíli’s feet crumbled. There was no warning, no crunching sound nor a tremor in the stone. One moment his brother stood beside him and in the next he fell with a screech.

At first the blond’s mind didn’t want to work, he just stood there, staring into the darkness while feeling his heartbeat hasting until he thought it was going to shatter his chest. Feeling hot his sticky hands grasped the hem of his tunic in a vicelike grip. He’d killed his little brother… he’d… he was just standing there and now… his little brother… that hadn’t wanted to come here in the first place… only lured by Fíli’s promise to see a real dragon… a dragon the older had made up… Kíli… his Kíli was…

Just when he thought he was going to throw up with guilt and fear a soft whimper reached his ear.

Falling to his knees Fíli looked over the edge, he was unable to see anything through the thick darkness, though.

“Kíli?” He called softly, voice trembling with hope and fright. Tears blurred his vision and the world seemed to go fuzzy as he sniffed.

“Oooouch…,” the long whine drifted up to him, followed by quiet sobs.

A wave of relief washed over Fíli. Kíli was alive. He hadn’t killed his brother! His knees shook as the tension drained from his body, leaving him weak like a new-born kid.  

“Kíli! Are you all right?” Fíli called into the blackness.

“No!” Came the prompt reply, distorted by crying.

This one word spurred Fíli into action, he climbed the ladder down, discovering with surprise that it were only a few rungs until he reached the ground again, the missing light making this part of the mine appear deeper than it was through the darkness. Kíli huddled beside the ladder, sobbing miserably. Fíli crouched down at his side, unsure if he should touch the younger, perhaps he was hurt and he was only going to make it worse that way?

“Are you hurt?”

“Yeah,” he croaked.

“Where are you hurt?”

“My-my knees hurt and-and my-my hands,” he replied, speech disrupted by sobs. “Will-will I get into trouble now?” A sniff in the darkness before the crying continued.

“No! Of course not!” Fíli promised him. “We will just go home and say it happened while playing inside, all right? You won’t miss out on your bow.”

And so Fíli coaxed him up the ladder and through the tunnels of the mine, all the while the brunet was wiping his tears off with the sleeve of his tunic, crying heartbreakingly. He felt so guilty. Normally he didn’t really care if Kíli cried, he cried much too often anyway and over stupid things, if any he was only worried if it would get him into trouble when his mother or uncle thought he’d caused it or not taken enough care of his little brother. This time, however, he was responsible. He was the one urging Kíli to go into the closed mine with him, although he knew it was forbidden and probably for a reason so. And now the brunet was hurt and there were still fat tears dripping down his cheeks and he looked so miserable with his bloodshot eyes and the puffy cheeks. And if they were now discovered and Kíli would lose his bow because of him… Fíli was sure he would never forgive himself.

Therefore he was really careful with getting them out of the mine without anyone noticing. He managed to bring the other home safely; the few dwarves they met hadn’t seen where they came from and paid them no mind. When he sat his little brother down to clean the bloody scrapes at his hands and knees with a wet cloth Kíli’s sobbing had mostly subsided, although he was still looking like a bundle of misery, hiccupping then and again.

They changed the brunet’s torn cloths against recently laundered with Fíli telling him afterwards to wash his face. Despite not appearing as wrecked as on their way home he seemed no less unhappy.

“See, as good as new,” Fíli said, trying to keep his voice light after bandaging Kíli’s hands and knees.

“Will the dragon now come out and eat us?” Kíli asked in a breathy voice, bottom lip already wobbling dangerously.

“What? Why?” Fíli wondered confused.

“Because that’s what Smaug did, didn’t he? He ate all those who stayed after he came to Erebor.” With a cold wave of fear the blond saw his little brother’s eyes shimmering moistly. This wasn’t good. He’d just stopped crying and now his stupid story would start it all over again.

“You don’t have to worry, there is no dragon here!” He confessed hurriedly.

Sniffing, Kíli shook his head. “You only say that now, because I’m scared. You were sure this morning!”

Now look what he’d caused! Damnit! He needed a way out. Quick!

“No, I mean, the dragon won’t be there, because there is already a dragon slayer there to kill the dragon before it can hurt anyone.”

Kíli sniffed again, blinking a few times so the tears disappeared from his eyes.  “A dragon slayer?” He asked as if to make sure he hadn’t misheard.

“Yeah! The best of them all! He is wielding twin swords and as never lost a fight! He will go deep into the belly of the mountain and kill the beast while it sleeps, because dragons need a lot of sleep before eating people!”

“And… and… does the hero have a brother?” Kíli looked at him hopefully.

“Oh, you are right! How could I forget his brave little brother! He is the greatest archer in the whole world and while his older brother distracts the dragon he is going to shoot it when it drops its guard.”

“But… but this can’t be easy.”

“No, it isn’t. Now, sit back and I will tell you the great story of the greatest heroes!”

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!


	15. Healing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Beginning with this chapter I'm going to upload my fills for the SpringFRE here as well.
> 
> Prompt in this chapter: 55. Healing

 

 

It happened in November. An epidemic flooded over the continent and what was at first believed to be some sort of flu, spiralled fast out of control. Hospitals couldn’t treat all the sick people, nurses and doctors couldn’t continue their work, since they had long gotten sick as well. It only took a month for everything to break down, the government told people to stay at home, avoid contact to sick people, to be careful.

It seemed to be the sensible thing, so this was what Fili and Kili had done. They had left the city behind, driving to Fili’s family and moving in with them at the countryside. Away from too many people they seemed to be safe. Weeks went by and while the news went on and on about the crises, none of them got sick.

Until Fili awoke on one morning, feverish and coughing so hard it felt like his body seemed to reject his lung. His hacking noises pulled Kili from his slumber as well, who immediately helped the blond to roll onto his side and ease the coughing.

His boyfriend gifted him a wobbly smile when it was over, trying to reassure him that it was only the flu and not that strange sickness punishing the world and to which no cure seemed to exist. Many had died and Fili was scared at the thought that he might, too. He still had so many plans, most of them involving Kili in his arms and he wanted to believe his boyfriend, wanted to believe that everything would be fine again, but the tears shimmering in Kili’s eyes betrayed the wavering words.

On the next day Fili had trouble breathing. He felt cold and hot at the same time, pushing the cool, wet cloth from his brow and whimpering miserable, when a cruel being replaced it, not caring for his discomfort. He was trembling so hard, breath resonating in his own ears, his chest rattled with coughs and a strange whistling accompanying every inhale.

Drifting in and out of sleep, always awaking deliriously to an ache in his chest and soft words whispered in his sweaty hair, words he couldn’t decipher, but which carried so much love that they calmed him. He remembered being held by strong arms, rocking him back and forth, he felt himself lowered in a bathtub, filled with lukewarm water. Finger running through his hair, a heartbeat pounding right under his ear, a chest he was leaning against vibrating with the murmurs of a voice. He was wrapped in blankets, fed water and a thin kind of broth. He threw up most of it, but the hands holding him and the voice talking were never angry, always so gentle and forgiving. Fili wanted to return to that voice, wanted to hear it in all its beauty and not dulled by whatever was keeping its grip on him. But at the same time he wanted to turn to the darkness whispering to him. Wanted it to stop, wanted the pain to leave and the weight to disappear from his chest. The voice, however, held on and so Fili did, too.

The next time his sluggish mind returned to the world was when it registered shouting. He frowned, trying to open his eyes, but everything felt heavy and exhausting, even thinking, so that breathing seemed to be the only safe option right now.

“You need to rest! You are running a fever, he might have infected you,” Fili knew the deep rumbling of the voice from his childhood. It had once meant safety, whenever he’d been scared, but right now this was all he could connect the voice to. He tried… oh, how he tried to recognise the speaker, but all of his attempts were in vain.

“I’m fine,” the other, the softest and most lovely voice Fili knew, protested. “I’m not sick. They don’t even know how it is transmitted. No one here was showing any symptoms for weeks.”

“Be that as it might. But you’ve been on your feet for days, caring for him, if he hasn’t infected you, you are making yourself sick. You need to rest before you faint from exhaustion.”

There was rustling and stumbling. One pushing the other away? Fili couldn’t say, tried to blink, to narrow his eyes at least. But he was too weak, every fibre of his body feeling as if it weighted tons.

“You don’t understand!”

He sounded so desperate… so scared… all Fili wanted was to wrap his arms around him and whisper promises into his hair, that everything would be well again, that _he_ would be well again. Kili shouldn’t worry… Kili… Kili… that was right… it was Kili, his boyfriend!

“He needs me!”

“He doesn’t need you to faint!” the other growled. “Go to one of the guestrooms and rest. I will sit with him.”

“No, you won’t! You are all scared that he is going to infect you! No one has held on so long without recovering! I need to be here.”

“Kili,” and now the voice had taken on a strange careful tone Fili didn’t like at all. “He is unresponsive for days now… I don’t think-“

“He isn’t unresponsive! He can hear me!” the brunet interrupted the pained voice.

“You aren’t well.”

“I’m fine! No! Let go of me! I need to stay with him! You can’t- what are you doing, Thorin? Let go!”

Fili’s heart was pounding so fast now, he feared it was going to shatter any second, while the heat surging through his body didn’t belong to the fever anymore, his mind, even though tired, far too clear for such a possibility. He couldn’t make Kili go. No, he needed him. He was still scared. Kili!

Instead of the name of his boyfriend a soft sound escaped his lips, but it was enough for the two men in the room to stop dead in their tracks. Fili tried again, his tongue feeling swollen and sticky in his mouth.

“Kee,” he slurred.

Fast steps. The dipping of the mattress. Arms around him, pulling him to a strong chest and a hot body. Thorin might be right about the fever, but Kili wasn’t coughing… that was good… he was safe. Regardless how terrible he felt, he would’ve never forgiven himself, had he infected his boyfriend.

“Fili?” a frightful whisper next to his ear.

“M’wake,” the blond forced his tongue to form, a small smile creeping to his lips as he felt a kiss placed to his head.

“You are alright,” Kili breathed, his voice sounding strangely tight and then he was crying and sobbing, holding Fili even tighter as the worries of the last days melted from his tense body, his chest convulsing with a mixture of relief and grief.

And Fili, weak that he was, did the only thing he could, put all of the strength that was left into one of his hands and held on to the brunet’s arm as firmly as he could.

 

 


	16. Weed brownies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 33\. I hope you didn’t eat more than one of those, because they’re weed brownies

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: Accidental Drug Use

 

 

Coming here had been such a stupid idea. He was one of the newbies and hadn’t managed to make friends just yet… well, okay, that wasn’t completely right. Kili had met some people, they were just… not what he was looking for? Yeah, that described it pretty well. The other students didn’t get his jokes, seemed all far more eloquent than him and looked most of the time fed up with his compulsion to move. Studying might have been the wrong choice, since he always needed something to do, playing with a pen or bobbing his feet, but what else was there to do, when you couldn’t get into your dream job without studying besides, well, studying?

And it wasn’t like no one could stand him. Nori was pretty chill, even though they might’ve never met if Nori hadn’t failed one of his classes and had to do it again. On the down side the redhead could read him like an open book and had therefore immediately realised that Kili was nursing a crush on one of his tutors. But how could he not? Seriously, how could anyone _not_ fall for Fili? He wasn’t simply good looking, he was also smart and funny and always had a sympathetic ear, when Kili feared the workload was going to crush him. He answered every mail, every call and did his best to reassure him that it was completely normal in the beginning and that he would get used to it.

So when Nori invited him to a house party, luring him to come with the promise of Fili’s presence, not even the paper he had to finish on the same day was able to crush the excitement fluttering through his heart. But his heart was a stupid thing and thought only of its own needs, ignoring the amount of time Kili still needed to put into his paper, and was just thinking about a smile, framed by dimples, it was going to see in the evening.

What happened was that Kili skipped all of his meals, except breakfast and only allowed himself toilet-breaks to finish his paper in time. It was his own fault, since he hadn’t started on it soon enough, but he simply hadn’t managed yet to adjust his old habits to the new workload. Perhaps in a year he would know how to work most effectively, right now, however, Kili was only tired and famished.

That the first thing he was confronted with, when he arrived at the party, was a drinking game, made matters only worse. To top it all Kili couldn’t even spot Fili in the huge crowd of people dancing, bawling and drinking. The brunet wondered briefly if Nori had invited their whole course with the amount of students present.

By the time Kili was able to pull clear of the drinking group, he felt more than a little lightheaded and cursed himself, because, yeah, drinking on an empty stomach had always been a fabulous idea… He needed something to eat, if he didn’t want to be the guy at the end of the evening that couldn’t handle a few drinks, besides, his stomach was still grumbling angrily. He needed something to eat! Now!

It took him some time to find the kitchen – it was the first time he was at Nori’s after all – and went straight to the fridge when his quest was finally successful. He giggled. The quest for food. With his empty stomach it sounded far more epic than any movie he’d watched so far. The disenchantment hit him, though, when he opened the fridge and found it filled with nothing but booze.

Holy shit! Was Nori serious? There had to be something edible in this damn house! It was then, when he looked around in desperation, that Kili spotted the sheet with brownies.

“Oh, thank God!” the brunet breathed with relief.

They didn’t taste as great as the stuff his mum used to make, but hey, any food was better than no food and therefore Kili wasn’t complaining.

“I hope you didn’t eat more than one of those, because they’re weed brownies,” Fili’s voice sounded strangely loud in the empty kitchen, only the muffled noise of the music drifting inside.

Kili stared at him completely dumbfounded, while he tried to process what he’d just heard. He hadn’t really expected anyone to join him in the kitchen, least of all Fili, who had now caught him stuffing his face with brownies.

Wait… weed brownies?

The brunet’s gaze drifted slowly to the brownie in his hand and he wished he hadn’t drunken so much, since his head felt slow and fuzzy by now.

“Uh… what if, purely hypothetical, this is my fifth?” he wondered meekly.

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

The next clear memory Kili had was of hanging over the toilet and trying to throw his guts up. He felt hot and dizzy and so nauseous, as if vomiting for weeks wouldn’t be able to soothe the terrible sensation in his stomach. Someone had been kind enough to put his hair in a bun, while a hand rubbed his back tenderly. It wasn’t really helping in his state, but he was less scared, knowing he wasn’t alone.

“You’re such an arsehole, Nori!” someone hissed as Kili heaved once more.

“Why is it suddenly my fault?”

“He had no idea you are always doing your weed brownies for parties like this and by the way, you know how badly it can end if they are combined with too much alcohol.”

“Geez, you need to chill, Fili. True, he will feel like shit tomorrow, but he isn’t going to die.”

Kili would beg to differ, if he hadn’t been busy at the moment.

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

Everything hurt when Kili awoke on the next day. His room was too bright, the fabric of the blanket too much for his sensitive skin and the smell of breakfast made his stomach roll violently.

…

Hold on a second… breakfast?

The brunet opened his eyes, realising immediately that this was neither his bed, nor his room, nor in any way related to the flat he shared with some other students.

Shit… what had happened yesterday. The only thing he remembered was Fili’s warning about the brownies and his own close relationship with the toilet. He groaned, massaging his pounding forehead. So he wouldn’t be remembered as the guy that couldn’t hold his liquid, but as the stoned idiot. Great. And Fili, of all people, had to witness it. If there had ever been the slightest chance of Fili returning his feelings, he had probably ruined it with one stupid decision. Kili just wanted the ground to open up and swallow him. How was he ever supposed to face his tutor again?

As if the universe wanted to mock him, the door to the bedroom opened and Fili stepped inside, carrying a steaming mug of tea. A kind smile crept to his lips, as he realised Kili was awake.

“How are you feeling?” the blond asked.

“Terrible,” he croaked… wow, even his voice sounded like shit.

“I’ve made you some tea.”

Just then it sunk into Kili’s brain that he was in Fili’s flat. His contingent of embarrassing situations didn’t seem exhausted yet. It was only another reason to crawl under the covers and to stay there for the rest of his life. That wouldn’t do, though, considering that he wasn’t even at home. So instead he struggled into a sitting position, avoiding eye contact at all costs.

“I’m so sorry you had to take care of me,” Kili said in lack of a better response, immediately feeling heat rising to his cheeks.

“Nah, it’s fine. It was Nori’s fault. So don’t think about what happened there or in my car.”

“What happened in your car?” the student wondered in bewilderment, panic surging through his being, while he tried to remember, but his mind came back completely blank.

“You were sick again. But it’s no big deal, Nori will pay for the cleaning, so don’t worry about it.”

“Oh God,” Kili whined. Could this get any worse? “I’m so sorry.”

“Seriously, it’s fine. You couldn’t know Nori bakes that stuff every time he throws a party or is invited to one.”

But it wasn’t fine. Not by long shot!

“Please tell me, I haven’t done anything else embarrassing.”

Fili’s smile slipped for just a second.

“Oh no,” Kili groaned and this time he didn’t care where he was, he buried himself under the blanket.

It wasn’t able to protect him for very long, though, for the blond student lifted a corner of the covers and peeked at him.

“You know, when you aren’t busy with puking your guts out, I think you are pretty cute, too,” Fili told him with a smirk. “And to answer yesterday’s question: yes, I would love to go on a date with you.”

And this was how Kili, despite all the embarrassment, came to remember the brownie-incident fondly.

 

 


	17. You love someone else, that’s fine.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 26\. You love someone else, that’s fine. But I can’t be here to see it, I’m sorry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry for this one. I fear it is not what the prompter might have imagined and turned out rather evil.
> 
> WARNING: Mentions Of Miscarriage

 

 

“What are you doing?” Kili’s voice sounded confused, crowned by a hint of worry.

Fili pressed his lips into a thin line, trying to swallow the hurt spreading through his chest like a sickness and not looking up from his task.

“What does it look like?” he replied, impressed how calm he sounded. On the other hand, there had been hours between him finding out and coming to a decision.

Right now all he wanted was to get out of this flat. A few clothes would be enough for now, perhaps some other personal belonging, just the bare necessities, he could get the rest of his stuff at some other point.

“Why are you packing?” Why did Kili sound so scared, every word quivering, breath hitching with sudden panic? Why? Hadn’t he taken into consideration that this might happen, when he’d chosen to see someone else?

Zipping his bag Fili got up, facing Kili. There was a pleading expression in the brunet’s eyes and it hurt. It hurt so much to see it that all Fili wanted to do was to unpack again and to apologise for his rash decision. But the betrayal squeezing his own heart was stronger.

“You love someone else, that’s fine. But I can’t be here to see it. I’m sorry.” Every word, every breath, every second felt like inhaling fire, burning him from the inside out and leaving him raw and exposed to the cruelty that was his life.

The confusion on the other’s features was so bold, Fili felt the urge to scream with frustration and heartbreak.

“Love someone else? Fili, what are you talking about?” Kili continued with playing the innocent.

“I saw you!” Fili hissed as something inside him snapped. “You and her, when I wanted to surprise you and pick you up from work. How she snuggled up to you!”

“Wha- who are you talking about?”

“About the redhead, of course!” he snarled, before he tried to push forward, just out, out of this room, out of this flat, out of this life! Away from Kili and his lies and his false promises. Fili had been so stupid to believe things could be different.

It seemed, however, that the brunet was insisting on stopping him. Blocking the door, Fili almost moved to shove him away. Almost.

“It’s not what you think,” Kili told him urgently, holding on to the doorframe to take up even more space. “That was Tauriel, one of my colleagues I told you about. We are just friends. There is nothing going on between us.”

Fili shook his head angrily. This was a waste of time. He knew what he had seen, Kili’s arm wound around her shoulder, she holding on to him, her head resting on his shoulder, while Kili whispered words to her, too low to be audible, but with that certain tone his voice that spoke of love and affection.

This time he didn’t resist the urge, shoved against his boyfriend, but the brunet couldn’t be swayed. Fili growled with sheer annoyance.

“Fili, I’m telling the truth! Nothing happened between us! Why don’t you trust me?” Kili wondered with a hint of desperation.

Images of the situation months ago attacked him, mocking him for his stupidity. He had taken Kili back and this was what he got, it served him right.

“You dare to ask this after what happened on our anniversary?” he spat.

Kili looked taken aback, before the same kind of hurt crossed his features that Fili’s had to display right now.

“You’re being unfair,” his boyfriend told him after taking a shaking breath, swallowing so hard even Fili could hear it.

“You don’t get to tell me what’s unfair!”

He pushed again, this time with more force, but somehow Kili managed to grab his wrists and pushed back, unbalancing Fili with the bag in his hands and causing him to land heavily on their bed.

“Stop it! She miscarried, okay?!” Kili finally yelled.

Fili’s resistance died in an instant, taking the anger and hurt along with it, leaving only shock and disbelief. He could feel himself trembling as he stared at the brunet with wide eyes. His boyfriend was panting from the brief fight and blinked hurriedly, as if to suppress tears.

“What?” Fili gasped, surprised at how breathy he sounded.

“I found out on accident that she was pregnant. Her boyfriend Legolas is still on a business trip and she didn’t want to tell him via the phone. A few days ago she lost the child. I am the only one that knows, the only one she can talk to. I just wanted to be there for her, okay? There was nothing going on between us.”

The air felt stuck in his chest as nausea crept into his stomach. He had jumped to conclusion, thinking the worst possible things, when Kili was merely trying to help. Of course, he wouldn’t just blare out Tauriel’s condition. It was a rather delicate topic and if she hadn’t told Kili by herself, than she probably hadn’t wanted anyone to know before she could talk to Legolas. Shit… he had been such an idiot. He couldn’t imagine how Tauriel had to feel right now. How painful it had to be for Kili to see his friend in such a state. And here he was, accusing his boyfriend of cheating on him, when he came home after comforting her.

He got up while Kili wiped his eyes, wanting nothing but to offer comfort, but the brunet took a step back ere Fili was able to come close enough. A pang of hurt shot through his chest.

“I know I’ve fucked up a great deal in the past,” Kili croaked. “But I’ve apologised and you said you forgive me. It’s not fair, you know. I can understand if you need time to forgive me, but don’t tell me you do, just so you can hold it against me, when it’s the most convenient! That’s not fair and-,” he swallowed a sob. “I don’t think I can be in a relationship like this.”

The lump in his throat felt like the edge of a knife, cutting through him with every shiver running down his spine. Kili was right, of course he was, it wasn’t fair. Fili had thought to have forgiven him, had truly believed it to be in the past. But then the old feelings of hurt had resurfaced at seeing Kili and Tauriel in that position and he had to realise that he’d only talked himself into believing it.

In reality he wasn’t over it… he hadn’t forgiven Kili. And now he was faced with the ugly truth that he had just hurt Kili in the same way, his boyfriend had done with him. It wasn’t some kind of revenge and didn’t feel at all like it. He loved Kili, even though forgiveness would take more time than he’d imagined. He wanted to be with him, wanted him with all of his flaws. The brunet might have hurt him, but he’d apologised, tried to make it up to him and had been nothing but honest since then. Kili loved him, too. But while this knowledge usually would fill his chest with warmth, the brunet’s words instead drowned him under a wave of dread.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Fili demanded to know.

He was barely able to catch a glimpse at the helpless gleam in Kili’s eyes, for his boyfriend was already lowering his head.

“I don’t know,” his boyfriend whispered.

Somehow everything seemed to have broken apart between them in the span of a couple of minutes and Fili had no idea how to fix it.

 

 


	18. “You’re enjoying this, aren’t you?”

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 32\. “You’re enjoying this, aren’t you?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This takes place in the same 'verse as ["Reverse two-and-a-half Somersaults" ](http://archiveofourown.org/works/4324491)

 

 

Sometimes Fili still couldn’t get used to it. What had begun with a crush and a frightful moment when he pulled Kili out of the water, unmoving and not breathing, had somehow not only evolved into a first date and many more to come, but brought them to the point of living together in Kili’s house. They were more than just happy, even though the engagement ring still felt surreal on Fili’s finger.

When he got home and got started on putting the groceries away, he could already hear the soft humming of music, coming from the training room in the basement. It had been quite a leap, coming from his little bachelor flat to live here, in a house Thorin had provided with everything, so his nephew Kili could train at home to his heart’s contents. They both took Kili’s career very seriously.

Beginning with the first day Kili had shown interest into diving Thorin had supported him and when it got obvious that the brunet’s love for it wasn’t just a fleeting passion, he had been signed up for ballet and gymnastics. The first time Fili had heard about all the years of training and how it had devoured all of his boyfriend’s free time, he had felt sorry for him. Kili had been quick to reassure him though, being a diver was what he always wanted to be and the Olympics what he was aiming for. His grades in school might have not been as great as they could’ve turned out, but it was a sacrifice both Kili and his uncle had been willing to make, to get him where he was now, flying out to the world championship next week.

Fili was so immensely proud of his boyfriend and would’ve loved to accompany him, but he hadn’t managed to get time off. After all, Kili’s nomination had come as a surprise, when one of the guys, who was supposed to enter the competition, injured himself in training.

It also had it’s down sides, though. Thorin had set up a trying training schedule for his nephew to ensure his success. And it didn’t matter if he attempted it or not, it restricted their life more than Fili would’ve liked. But it would be just one more week and the time Kili was gone – although the blond knew already he was going to miss his boyfriend like crazy – and then everything would slow down again.

After he was done with his task, he took the stairs down to the basement. Now he could not only hear the music, but also the landings, whenever Kili jumped. Ballet could be surprisingly loud, something Fili hadn’t thought possible, before he’d met the brunet and begun to learn more about diving and its training methods.

Music was blaring at him, when he finally entered. Kili danced in the rhythm of the music, body tension on point and completely lost in the swirl of sounds.

He looked gorgeous. Kili was wearing one of those terrible short pants, clinging to his arse like a second skin. It made Fili’s mouth water. His boyfriend could be such a tease, while training at home he hardly ever wore a shirt and settled onto nothing more but short pants and his ballet shoes, just like today.

Fili had to stop himself from going over, pull Kili into his arms and swallow his panting breaths in a kiss. Ugh… talk about sexual frustration. Thorin had made it very clear that no sexual activities were allowed during such a crucial training phase. Kili needed to focus and put all of his energy into training and unfortunately Kili agreed with him. Oh, the brunet had offered to pleasure him, but Fili thought it was a bit unfair, to take him up on that offer, while Kili wasn’t allowing himself the same treatment. Nah, they were in this together.

Leaning against the wall, Fili followed his boyfriend’s motions, his upper body glistening in the light of the room with pearls of sweat. Oh, the things he would do Kili when he came home again. Fili had no intention of allowing him to leave the bedroom for a good long time.

Kili eventually noticed his presence, pirouetting and spotting him leaning beside the door, a smirk on his features that drew a laugh from Kili’s throat.

“You’re enjoying this, aren’t you?” he called over to him.

“Indeed, I do,” Fili fluted.

It was a sweet torture he inflicted on himself. Seeing him like this Fili couldn’t help but imagine tousled hair, eyes hazy with lust, an arching back, his name panted like a mantra as he would finally show mercy after bringing him to the edge again and again, but never granting him relief. A fine punishment for the sight Kili liked to flaunt in front of him.

Shit… he was half hard already.

Kili did a last twirl and came to a halt. He was breathing heavily as he turned the music off and removed the hair tie, brunet strands flooding over his naked shoulders. Fili met him half way, when his boyfriend padded over to him. He needed all of his willpower to greet him with nothing more but a gentle kiss.

“Do I want to know, what you are thinking about?” Kili’s eyes were gleaming with so much mischief Fili had no doubt the brunet already knew.

“You will find out, when you return with a gold medal,” Fili replied teasingly.

Kili snorted.

“You are very optimistic.”

“The people there don’t know yet how good you are.” He shrugged. “I do.”

Kili laughed again at this. Loud and bright and warm like the sun.

Those were going to be some long and frustrating weeks, but they would manage. It wasn’t the first time they were separated for a while or had to go without touches of pleasure. In the end it would be worth it and when Kili returned they would reward each other, until there was barely breath left in their lungs.

 

 


	19. Hogwarts AU

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 109\. Hogwarts AU

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologise in advance, because I fear this is a) not what the prompter imagined and b) probably not very good, because I’ve been hit with a cold and wrote this as the tired mess that I am right now.
> 
> WARNING: Non-Graphic Torture

 

 

While at Hogwarts Kili had never paid much attention to Fili Oakenshield, mostly because he was a Slytherin and Kili, as a Gryffindor, had seen it as his personal duty to hate all those pure-blood bigots. Besides, Fili didn’t care much for Quidditch and Kili as a Chaser would never get bored of it. Fili was furthermore one of the smartest students, whereas Kili’s talent only seemed to reside in Defense Against the Dark Arts and well… Quidditch. So they didn’t have very much in common and everything that might have caused them to meet was hampered by the hate between their houses.

But then war had hit the wizarding world and both Fili and Kili became members of the Order of the Phoenix and despite their first dislike of each other, since they were both stubborn and old habits hard to get rid of, they began to trust the other with time. Kili saving Fili’s life and the other way round on more than one occasion. And despite the darkness of Voldemort’s hate devouring everything, they slowly became friends and finally even lovers.

Kili had great respect for Fili’s bravery, working as a spy for the Order and risking his life daily within a circle of Death Eaters. Their contact was dying down the longer Fili stayed in their ranks. But the blond would always come home after a certain amount of days, the protection of the Fidelius Charm allowing them to be close again, to forget about the dangers at least for a short time and to love each other every time as if it was going to be their last. It might as well be true. Kili knew he had to expect the news of Fili’s death daily, but it didn’t soothe the worry.

Still, there was this tiny part inside him believing Fili to be invincible. That nothing was able to pull them apart. Not now, when they had overcome prejudices and had found happiness despite the dire situation of their world. And Fili had never missed to return before the span of time they had set themselves was over, after all!

Well…

…until today.

Kili was reckless by nature, _brave but a fool_ , as the Sorting Hat had once said and therefore, in his worry for Fili, he followed the rumours. Completely on his own.

He was hit with a curse ere he was able to realise he was in danger.

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

Pain was what woke him, exorbitant pain. Making him scream and writhe. In his twitching vision he could see a pair of shoes right in front of his eyes. There was manic laughter, but it was drowned by his own voice and hard to understand anything with his nerves on fire.

The wave of agony stopped as sudden as it had begun, leaving Kili groaning and panting on the dirty floor. The ground under his fingers felt solid but moist and with his brain overwhelmed from the torture, the brunet could barely form a clear thought, let alone figure out where he’d just woken up.

“Wakey-wakey, Durin,” someone almost purred.

Kili knew that voice, he just couldn’t say when had been the last time he’d heard it. But then he was turned onto his back by a spell and found himself looking up at Azog, one of Hogwarts formers Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher and…

Kili’s eyes widened when his sluggish brain finally recognised the figure beside the pale giant. Fili’s face was motionless as he stared down at him. His blue irides looked almost black in the dim light and lacked their usual warmth. Kili was so used to Fili’s gaze radiating with love while turned onto him that he couldn’t help but shudder at the coldness he met instead.

“Fee,” his tongue felt slow and heavy, too thick in his mouth as he uttered his plea. Usually Kili wouldn’t beg, although he had never been in the hand of Death Eaters like this, there was an unconscious feeling telling him he wouldn’t lower himself just like that. But it wasn’t a plea for mercy. It was a plea to Fili, to reassure him it wasn’t as it seemed, that the hate and disgust he saw on his features were an act. Not real.

Fili, however, smirked cruelly, as if he’d read his mind.

“Aw, look at that. He still thinks I’m one of them.”

Every sound was like a dagger to his chest. This couldn’t be true. All their nights together, their laughter, their plans for when all of this was over. Fili couldn’t have lied! He had kissed him, touched him in places that made Kili shiver and had allowed the brunet to do the same with him. They had talked about their lives before the war, about their family, about Fili’s struggles in a family of pure-bloods that hated muggles and wizards coming from them. How he’d convinced the Hat to put him into Slytherin, to make his family proud, but how their opinion had still disgusted him. How they would never accept Kili with his family tree. How Kili had soothed Fili when all that talk caused angry tears, telling him it was alright, that he wasn’t like his parents. That Kili would love him no matter how Fili would decide in the end… Kili or his family.

This couldn’t be a lie.

“You are working for our side,” Kili insisted, voice trembling with the effort it caused him to hold himself together, despite the exhaustion of his body.

Azog barked with laughter.

“Oh, but it is true. While you all thought he was spying on us he was actually spying on your precious little Order.”

No… no… nononono, that couldn’t be true.

“He even told me what you like, what makes you scream. Do you think with that knowledge I could make you scream as well?”

A wave of horror washed over Kili’s body as Azog took a step closer, towering over him like the giant he was and reaching for him. The brunet was helpless. His wand missing and his limbs weak from the spell. Azog never managed to touch him, though, for Fili’s hand darted forward and stopped him.

Kili’s relief and hope were only short-lived.

“Do you really want to touch a Mudblood?” Fili asked, wrinkling his nose.

Azog seemed to think about it for a second, before he mimicked Fili’s expression at the thought.

“No, bad enough that you had to do it.”

The cruel smile didn’t stay away from the Death Eater’s face long, though. Kili’s heart skipped a beat with fear, as Azog raised his wand.

“You said he knows where the Ri-family is hiding. Let’s see what it needs to get him to talk. _Crucio_!”

And Kili screamed.

 

 

* * *

 

 

There was pain.

His whole world consisted of it.

Red and hot and cutting and stabbing and scraping and ripping.

He screamed until his throat felt raw, until he tasted blood.

His body tense, wrong, twisted. Wrong. Wrong. Wrong.

Manical laughter reached his ears, but he couldn’t tell anymore if it was his tormentor or if he was the one laughing.

A green flash was his salvation.

 

 

* * *

 

 

“Kee?”

The voice sounded dull. Distant and buried.

“Kili? Can you hear me?”

He whimpered. Sounds hurt, breathing hurt, trembling hurt, everything hurt. Stop. He should stop talking. Please. Stop. Make it stop.

“Kee? Please! Open your eyes! Please!”

It wasn’t the voice that caused him to blink in the end, but the droplets of wetness hitting his cheeks. The world was blurry and needed time to get back into focus. With it though, not only his sight but also his awareness returned, even if slowly.

He felt warm, someone holding him gently. The same someone that was looking down at him, tears of worry leaking from his eyes and a heart-breaking fear displaying on his features. Eyes, so wide, so warm, blue orbs showering him with so much love, it made his chest ache.

Kili shuddered, leaning into the hand caressing his cheek and whimpered once more.

“Fi-li,” he managed to force a whisper that could barely reach his own ears.

But Fili heard, of course he heard, he had always been a better listener than Kili.

“Yes,” Fili sobbed. “Yes, it’s me. I’m so sorry. Don’t believe a word, Kili. Nothing was true. I lied. I lied. I love you. I’m so sorry.”

It came all rushing back now. Fili’s words, the coldness in his eyes. The brunet shivered once again, immediately feeling the blond’s embrace tightening around him. Fili hadn’t betrayed them. Hadn’t betrayed _him_. It had been an act. Just an act.

And still the shivering wouldn’t stop. Kili tried to shuffle closer, tried to drown in Fili’s love. Tried to forget that they actually should run right now. That it wasn’t safe to stay here… wherever here was. But he was tired and hurting and Fili’s arms felt perfect. 

 

 


	20. wood nymphs

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 149\. I saw you being attacked by wood nymphs and now I’m mildly concerned as to what you did to make them so angry

 

 

Kili hissed, trying to pull his arm away, just for the hand holding on to it to tighten its grip.

“Stay still!” Fili grunted, so obviously displeased with the situation that the brunet swallowed his response and let the other do as he pleased.

It was a warm sunny day, the wind whispering between the branches of the forest and birds greeting the spring. Everything was blossoming, overflowing with life… it should be peaceful, but Kili wasn’t able to see the beauty of the day. Not after what had just happened.

He flinched, when another cut burned with the tincture Fili rubbed into it, covering most parts of Kili’s body and if he said most, than he meant _most_ and was still hoping to save himself the embarrassment of having Fili look at his arse. But hey, who would’ve guessed that wood nymphs could be such awful little creatures, when you asked them the wrong question? His cloths had been shredded to rags and he didn’t want to imagine, what might have happened if Fili hadn’t shown up.

Kili should be thankful. Fili had not only saved him, but was now also treating his wounds. The tincture the blond had produced was a mixture of essences gained from the roots of trees and other plans. Apparently the roots of every life carried the capability of healing, if one knew how to use it. Kili never would, he was a mortal and not even a nature spirit, he was simply human. Many secrets of the world would always stay hidden from him.

Fili huffed all of a sudden, while his hands wandered to the cuts on Kili’s naked chest, setting to work there and causing the brunet to shiver.

“Do I even want to know what you did to anger wood nymphs like this? They are the kindest and most patient spirits on earth.”

They might be, if you didn’t ask them the wrong question, Kili thought bitterly.

“It doesn’t matter,” was what he answered, stubbornly avoiding eye contact.

“It kind of does, though,” Fili argued, and all the mortal wished, was for the matter to drop. Thinking about it was already painful enough, he couldn’t repeat what they had told him. “I enjoy your company, Kili. But if you cause trouble for the spirits under my protection, then I have to ask you to leave.”

How was it possible for a voice to sound equally cold and sad as Fili’s did right now? It wasn’t fair, this guilt spreading through Kili’s chest at the sound, like a sickness. Why did he have to fall in love with a sylvan god? Why couldn’t it have been some random dude he had met on the streets? Why did he have to venture into this forest, meet the god of this place and fall head over heels for his kindness and strength? Why couldn’t he have stayed ignorant to this mystic world surrounding him?

The coldness melted from Fili’s eyes the longer he examined Kili and only concern was left, making the brunet’s chest ache.

“Talk to me, Kili. What happened that made them so angry?”

He bit his lip, arguing with himself whether or not he should tell Fili. Kili owed it to him. He didn’t know if gods loved in the same way human did. They had declared their affection for one another, but there was so much Kili still didn’t know about him. He’d never thought it mattered, until now. Now… now it felt wrong to even look at Fili, as if he didn’t deserve it.

“I asked them if you ever had a mortal lover,” Kili confessed, his voice cracking with emotions. “And if there was a procedure among your kind to proclaim my love for you.”

Fili stared at him in stunned silence. The sylvan god licked his lips ere he began to speak.

“Assuming a god to be involved with a mortal or a human in such way is deemed shameful. It’s an act of disrespect to the world they come from. That’s why they got angry. You insulted them with your question more than you can probably understand.”

“Oh,” Kili breathed due to default of a better response. Trembles had set in is body as his gaze wandered to his intertwined finger.

“So there is no procedure,” Fili continued.

Of course there wasn’t. Because the blond was a god and could never view Kili as an equal he could fall in love with.

“But you know what I like, don’t you?”

Kili swallowed hard, still avoiding Fili’s gaze.

“You like the smell of the forest after a rainstorm and the shadow play of the leaves in the sun. You like to follow bees, when they gather pollen and you play with the foxes growing up in the forest. You like to listen to the singing of the birds, but love woodpeckers the most. You like to dance with wood nymphs to the song of the crickets and the light of the fireflies. You enjoy the quietness of the winter and feel more at ease when everything is covered with snow, because it protects the earth,” Kili listed. With every word it became harder to go on, because those were some of the many things that had made him fall in love with Fili.

Warm hands reached for his, causing him to look up. The smile that greeted him on Fili’s features was so warm and full of affection it almost caused Kili’s heart to skip a beat.

“You know me so well,” the god of the forest said softly. “But you have forgotten something very important.”

Kili frowned in confusion, unable to come up with something fitting. There was so many he could’ve forgotten, still so many reasons to love Fili for, but he couldn’t tell which of them might be more important than the others.

“You,” Fili whispered.

The brunet felt himself tense as the god leaned forward, pressing their lips together in such a gentle kiss he could hardly comprehend it, before it was already over again.

“Yes, it is shameful for a god to fall in love with a mortal, but you are the only one I’m willing to forsake my honour for.”

He didn’t want Fili to look dishonourable, didn’t want him to be shamed by his kind and the spirits under his protection. But Kili was also selfish, the yearning in his heart, his desire for Fili stronger than every other emotion. So that by the time Fili leaned in for a kiss once more, the brunet met him halfway, burying a hand in the blond’s long hair as he was pulled against a strong chest and the smell of green grass. 

 

 


	21. Kidnapped

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 104\. Kidnapped

 

 

Kili didn’t know what kind of corporation Erebor Inc was. Hadn’t even heard of it, even though it seemed to be a highly successful company. He didn’t know Fili Oakenshield, nephew of Thorin Oakenshield, the CEO of this business, hadn’t even cared that someone like Fili existed. Until Thorin’s nephew was kidnapped and his face turned up all over the news.

Reports about his life and how the search was going along were updated at, what felt like, minute intervals. The news were full of Fili’s mother, making an appeal to the kidnappers, Thorin promising them whatever they wanted if they just let his nephew go and so many theories as to why the kidnappers had only gotten in contact with Thorin once, the worst of them implying Fili was already dead.

Kili didn’t know the blond, but hearing about his families suffering constantly couldn’t leave him cold. He was shocked and felt sorry for a family torn apart like this, but there was nothing he could do and the longer Fili was missing and the interest in the case died down, due to the lack of new traces, the more Kili couldn’t shake of the feeling that they weren’t going to find the nephew of the CEO alive, if they ever would find him.

It was such a terrible waste of a life. He’d seen the pictures of a young man with long blond hair, dimples framing his kind smile, had heard the stories friends and old mates told about him through the news and had developed a great respect for the man that was actively engaged in charity. Who the hell would kidnap a guy that tried to fulfil wishes of children suffering from cancer? This world was just sick and the bad stuff always seemed to happen to the wrong people.

But as it happened with all the bad news Kili had seen, he saw them and with time he forgot about them or at least stopped thinking about them that much.

 

 

* * *

 

 

The sun was setting by the time Kili had finished his work and headed home again. The day had been long and tiresome and so he was looking forward to his weekend, to ordering pizza and relaxing while watching crap on TV. In his opinion he truly deserved it after serving so many rude customers today, without losing his temper.

Midway between home and his working place Kili’s phone went off, causing him to stop. It was a text from Tauriel, asking if he wanted to go to a bar today, but the brunet kindly declined. He really needed a quiet evening for a change. Thankfully Tauriel wasn’t one of those friends that were offended if he didn’t want to spent time with them on every day of the week, but simply wished him a nice evening.

Just when Kili shoved the phone back into his pocket did he notice the piece of paper hanging from a waste bin. It seemed to be some kind of drawing, at least the part he could see from where he was standing. Curious, he reached for the paper. It showed the line of houses on the other side of the street, just from a different angle. The drawing was messy and perhaps done in a hurry, but still easily recognisable. What made Kili’s blood run cold, though, was the message scribbled below it.

**_Please, send help. Kidnapped. Locked up. No time._ **

Kili stared at the note in disbelief. That had to be a joke, right? He, of all people, hadn’t just found a cry for help. That was ridiculous. There couldn’t be really someone held against their will. The house on his side of the street looked far too normal for such a possibility and the note had to come from there, if the angle of the drawing was anything to go by.

…

But what if it wasn’t a joke? What if he walked away now and someone would suffer the consequences for his terrible judgement?

And this thought was how Kili found himself calling the police.

They arrived shortly afterwards, while the brunet was pacing back and forth. He explained to them what he had found and gave them the note. In the end it wasn’t a big deal. They thanked him for his attentiveness, promised him to look into this matter and sent him home.

 

 

* * *

 

 

The next day it was all over the news that Fili Oakenshield had been found, weak but alive. Kili watched the news, barely trusting his eyes and ears as the police spokesman gave an interview.

_“Mr. Oakenshield managed to get his hands on a pen and a piece of paper during his long captivity and was able to throw it out of a window during an unobserved moment. A pedestrian found his note and called the police, which was how we were able to locate the whereabouts of the kidnappers. This morning, at 6:14am a SWAT team was able to free Mr. Oakenshield and arrest his kidnappers.”_

Following this interview the news channel showed the footage of the moment Fili was guided out of the building. Two men had to support him. He looked pale and gaunt, his clothes were dirty and his hair needed a good long wash. Fili Oakenshield was a mess, but he was alive and Kili could barely comprehend his own part in it. He didn’t want to believe it was _his_ doing that had ended the blond’s ordeal. But the street was the same he’d walked past yesterday, where he had found the piece of paper and it was really impossible to deny that his call had saved the young man.

Kili didn’t feel proud, though. Instead a sudden shudder ran down his spine, when it finally sunk in that he had walked past the place Fili Oakenshield had been held captive, day after day. To think how much this man had suffered, while Kili and everyone else who was living there or just walking by had been oblivious to his pain… It made this world even scarier than it already was.

The next weeks were a jumble of interviews with local residents of the area Fili had been found and the lawyer of the Oakenshields. More and more details of the terrible weeks of the blond’s captivity became public and everyone was waiting for Fili’s statement. Kili felt sorry for the heir of Erebor Inc. As a public figure his life didn’t really seem to belong to him, but to all the people out there. Instead of quietness and time to recover, the media exploited the story, besieging the hospital he’d been brought to, lurking for a reaction.

At the same time Kili was glad no one knew he’d found the note, especially since there were quite a few talk shows that loved seeing people in need meet the ones that had helped them. Everyone would _watch_ in such a case and Kili was quite certain he wouldn’t be able to handle such turmoil.

 

 

* * *

 

 

In the end it happened differently than expected. On one afternoon there was a knock at his door. Kili had been busy with cleaning his flat and was therefore wearing nothing more but a teeshirt and a pair of shorts, because it prevented him from sweating too easily, as he opened the door.

His eyes widened as he spotted Fili Oakenshield, clothed in a neat shirt and a dark pair of jeans. He looked a lot better than in the footage Kili had seen weeks ago, in fact, he was even more gorgeous in real than in the pictures the media had thrown around. Kili immediately felt self-conscious in his baggy shirt. This man was simply out of his league, not only because of his money, but of his deeds. He was a better person than Kili could ever wish to be and this knowledge had an intimidating effect.

“Hi!” Fili said, displaying some of those adorable dimples. “Are you Kili?”

The brunet swallowed hard before he nodded.

Fili mimicked the movement with a confidence that added to his general charisma.

Stretching out his hand, Kili hesitated for a second before shaking it.

“My name is Fili Oakenshield and I came here to thank you. I’m sorry I couldn’t come sooner, but it was harder to find out, who I owe my life to, than I thought.”

“Oh, uh… do you want to come inside?” Kili asked the blond, unable to form a clear thought, but feeling like this might be a conversation that shouldn’t be held in passing.

“I would like that, thank you!” Fili replied and stepped inside as soon as the brunet moved out of the way.

Leading him into the living room Kili offered the heir of Erebor Inc. a seat. While Fili took an armchair Kili settled on the couch.

“I… I didn’t do much,” he eventually uttered, continuing the talk started at the door. “I just found your note and called the police. You should thank them, they got you out.”

Fili shook his head gently.

“You took notice of it. I don’t know how many might have walked past the note before you found it or how much more might have missed it after you. I owe you my life, Kili. Sure, the police got me out, but they would’ve never found me without you.”

Silence covered the room. It was a strange kind of silence, a mixture of awkwardness and contentment. Kili still didn’t feel like a hero or whatever it was Fili saw in him, but he was glad he could help. Was glad to see Fili’s cheeks rosy with colour again and noticed gratefully that his cheekbones weren’t protruding so much anymore. On the outside, he looked a lot better compared with the day he’d been saved.

“How are you, if I may ask?” Kili wondered carefully.

Fili sighed.

“I’m not well, but I’m dealing with it and I’m glad to be given the chance to do that.”

A chance Kili had offered him with calling the police after finding Fili’s note. Perhaps… perhaps someday he would come to realise, which meaning this one action would carry for the rest of Fili’s life.

 

 

* * *

 

 

_“Fili, you attend this charity event every year, but this is the first time you aren’t here on your own. Can you tell us something about your partner?”_

_“There’s not much to say, actually. His name is Kili and he is my boyfriend.”_

_“I can hardly believe that and I’m sure the people watching us right now would also like to know something about the man on your side. How did the two of you met?”_

_Fili’s head turns instinctively around, eyes searching for the brunet standing in the distance. A smile graces his features as he utters the answer that is lost on the interviewer, his voice not reaching the mic at this angle._

_“He saved me.”_

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The way Fili is saved in this story (namely by leaving a note) is inspired by a true event. In 2006 a kidnapped girl in Dresden, Germany was saved after she had left a note. A pedestrian found it and called the police.


	22. “You’re bleeding.”

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 129\. “You’re bleeding.”  
> Which might or might not become a story of its own one day.

 

 

The sun had disappeared behind a wall of clouds, soothing Fili’s eyes from the piercing light of the reflecting snow, covering the deep broadleaf forest with a white blanket. Finally he could see his surroundings more clearly, which could make a difference between life and death, considering why he was here. But the longer he listened to the silence of the forest and aimed at every possible direction, he realised the beast was on the run right now.

Shouldering his rifle, he trudged through the deep snow, heading towards the boulder the beast had hid behind, after Fili had fired a shoot at it. He hadn’t been able to see if he’d hit it, the creature starting while the echo of the shoot still resounded through the forest and afterwards the blond had to be on high alert. If he missed, the beast might be upon him any second.

A gust of air caused the naked branches to sway and the snow to drift. He needed to hurry or it was going to cover up the tracks, at the same time, however, he also needed to be careful. Beasts as this liked to play with their prey, even though Fili imagined himself as its hunter. Too many had made the same mistake, though. They had gotten careless, allowed the creature to lure them into a false sense of superiority and paid the price for it. Men like this didn’t come back and often weren’t found. Sometimes they were lucky to find one of those poor souls, completely mangled, making it hard to identify the victim, but at least in cases like this they could bury them, give them back to the earth and allow them to rest in peace.

Beside his scrunching steps in the snow, the cracking of wood and the soft sound of a breeze, howling between the trunks of trees, it was silent as Fili reached the boulder. Examining the area he dared to crouch down, spotting a red stain, tainting the covers of snow.

“You’re bleeding,” Fili whispered as he realised the meaning of it. So his bullet had found the beast, was perhaps even able to injure it heavily enough to decelerate its reaction. It was vulnerable right now and the hunter had to take advantage of it, if he wanted to free his village of its terror.

Getting up and searching for a trail of blood, Fili soon noticed another bright red speckle. Some of them were bigger, others no more than a small droplet in the snow, but they accompanied the footprints of the beast. This time it wouldn’t get away!

Fili felt his heartbeat speed up at the prospect, increased by the fast steps of his feet. Then and again he needed to contain himself, warn himself to be careful, to keep an eye on his surroundings, just in case this was a trap by the creature. His breath formed a little cloud of fog with every exhale and faltered for just a second, when he came to a rivulet.

It wasn’t deep, wouldn’t reach higher than to his ankles, should he decide to cross it, but what worried Fili was that he couldn’t spot any footprints on the other side of the waters. The reason could be either found by a snow drift or because the beast had followed the flow of the water in one or the other direction.

Fili cursed, unable to choose which way would most likely lead him to the beast. It was smarter than the blond would’ve liked, but simply standing here and doing nothing wasn’t an option either. The creature had killed far too many men to just let it get away like that.

It was his intuition that made him decide on the forest in the end, hoping the beast was counting on him to follow the course of the rivulet. The wetness and coldness for the frigid water immediately pushed into his boots, leather and fur not enough to keep it out. The forest was thicker on the other side, conifers mixing with the broadleaves, stealing even more light to spot a potential threat.

Try as he might, though, he wasn’t able to find any more traces, no blood and no tracks of a living being trudging somewhere around here through the snow. He cursed once more. Every option had been reasonable. Following the rivulet as well as heading deeper into this part of the forest, but it seemed like he’d made the wrong decision. Even with the beast hurt, the chances of catching up with it, after taking this route, were very slim. Moreover he had no way of telling if it went up or down the rivulet. Fili had to face the fact that he’d lost it.

“Damn,” he huffed. So close, but one wrong choice had ended his hunt.

Just when he wanted to turn around, though, he noticed a movement out of the corner of his eye. The rifle was back in his hand, aiming at the shadow hiding behind the trunk of a spruce before the blond had completely turned around. His heart was beating loud in his own ears as he slowly drew near to the figure, encircling the spruce, he aimed the barrel at the shape.

Fili’s eyes widened as he stared into the painful grimace of a young lad. Brunet hair, soaked with sweat, flooding over his shoulders as he pressed shaking hands to a wound at his side. The brown jacket looked shredded at the same place and was turning black because of the blood, oozing from a hidden injury. The blond darted a wary glance at his surroundings, before he put the rifle down and kneeled beside the injured lad.

“Let me see,” he told the brunet, pushing hands away before the pain-induced confusion had time to melt from the lad’s features.

Fili almost expected a bullet wound, he’d heard stories of those beasts disguising as all kinds of breathing things, but he was greeted with deep gashes only the claws of those creatures could’ve caused. So it seemed to be safe to assume that such stories weren’t more than tales, trying to make the beasts appear even scarier than they already were.

Sliding out of his own jacket Fili wrapped it around the lad’s wound, drawing a groan from his lips. The warmth the piece of clothing had provided was soon driven away by the breeze and the cold temperatures.

“Can you stand?” he asked the other. “It’s not safe to stay here.”

When he didn’t receive an answer, Fili slapped the lad forcefully.

“Hey!” he called him. “Don’t fall asleep!”

Thankfully the eyes blinked open again and before the brunet was able to protest, Fili bent down already to pull him onto his feet. The brunet whimpered, but didn’t struggle against his grip, simply held tight to Fili’s shirt and followed his movements with trembling knees.

“Come on, talk to me. You need to stay awake,” Fili instructed him. “Are you from one of the other villages?”

“Wanted to check on the snares,” the lad told him with a groan. “Heard something… tried to run… attacked me… managed to… fight it off… with my knife,” he added, breath turned into terrible little wheezes with the effort it took to talk and walk and to somehow endure the pain.

Carefully guiding them through the rivulet and making sure the brunet wasn’t going to lose his footing because of the sudden current, Fili processed the information. It wasn’t that surprising that the other villages suffered from the beasts as well, but their contact with them had been limited ever since the paths through the woods weren’t safe anymore. It simply added to the many reasons why they needed to get rid of those creatures.

They deserved peace and a new sense of security. The children should be allowed to play in the forest again, with no fear. Living here got harder and harder with the years, if the trade could return they wouldn’t have to fear to starve over the winter.

“What’s your name?” Fili asked the brunet in an attempt to distract himself and to silence the urge to follow the course of the rivulet in hopes to find the injured beast after all.

“Kili,” the other panted, slipping when they reached the shore, but Fili’s strong grip prevented him from falling.

“Well, Kili,” the blond began in a comforting tone. “Don’t worry. My name is Fili and I will take you to my village, we will treat your wound and you will be as right as rain before you know it.”

Slowly they continued their way through the snow-covered landscape.

 

 


	23. You looked sad at the bus stop

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 38\. You looked sad at the bus stop this morning, need to talk?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A big thank-you to [FiliKiliThorinForever](http://archiveofourown.org/users/FiliKiliThorinForever/pseuds/FiliKiliThorinForever) and [butterflyslinky](http://archiveofourown.org/users/butterflyslinky/pseuds/butterflyslinky) for helping me to plot through this thing, when I was stuck! You are awesome!

 

 

The café, Fili worked at to finance his studies, looked rather empty today. Which wasn’t surprising, it was cold and windy and then and again a shower would escape the dark grey clouds, hanging in the air like a bad omen. Therefore Fili found himself watching the time ticking by or looking at the bleak park, captive of the change of seasons.

The brunet was still sitting on the same bench he had the last time the blond had glanced out of one of the huge windows. It had to be wet and uncomfortable, but he didn’t seem to care, just sat there in his thin jacket.

It wasn’t the first time he saw him. Three times a week he spotted the brunet at the bus stop, where he would take the same bus like him. Fili didn’t know his name, but the sound of his voice. He had listened to him talking on the phone in the morning then and again. And had become particularly fond of that smile he was displaying so often, whether he was playing on his phone or noticing a bird sitting in one of the trees lining the bus stop.

Furthermore he came to the café once a week, always ordering the same thing. Fili knew this because he was usually the one to make his order, while one of his co-workers served it. That way the blond had learned that the other liked his Frappuccino with caramel, although they didn’t call their coffee by that name, since no one wanted to mess with Starbucks, but it was basically the same thing, just a different name and different recipes.

It made the young man kind of surreal, his smiles were contagious, the stubbles on his handsome features giving him a laid-back attitude, even the baggiest clothes looked good on him and he liked his coffee with a certain amount of sweetness. Fili was unable to deny that he was nursing a crush for some weeks now, but how could he not? The guy was the epitome of joy of living… well, usually at least, right now he looked like a picture of misery, how he sat there in the wind and on the, probably wet, bench, shoulders hunched and oh so small.

He had seemed rather sad at the bus stop this morning already, but whatever had aggrieved him didn’t seem like it had lessened one bit, rather like it had grown worse. Fili couldn’t help the worry settling in his chest at seeing the brunet like this.

The blond had pondered since a while about asking him out. In the end, what was the worst that could happen, other than the brunet saying no? But so far he hadn’t managed to get over his inhibitions. He didn’t feel like having many witnesses for such a crucial question and usually there would be a lot, regardless at which place he might spot him, bus stop or café. Right now he couldn’t care less for acceptance or rejection to such a question, he simply wanted the lovely smile to return, to see a body vibrating with energy and happiness again and to spot the warm shine in his dark eyes, when he thanked Fili and his co-worker after receiving his order.

Therefore Fili waited until his break - although, if he was being honest, there was no need to with the lack of costumers - prepared the brunet’s usual order and stepped outside. He shivered almost immediately, when the cool air of the approaching autumn hit him, but didn’t falter in his march towards the other. 

The blond took a deep breath, unsure how to start, he was about to talk to his rather miserable looking crush after all, but in the end just tried to go for it and ignored his now rapidly pounding heart.

“Here, you look like you could need it,” he said, holding out the cup of coffee to the other.

The man flinched violently, yanked from his thoughts so abruptly that Fili couldn’t help but feel guilty about it. He blinked once, twice… wide eyes staring at him. Up close the blond was able to see the exhaustion in the other’s features, dark circles around brown eyes speaking of at least one sleepless night.

The gaze of the young man wandered from Fili’s face to the coffee.

“Um,” he began hesitantly. Fili’s heart made a little leap at the sound, it was the first time this soft and pleasant voice was addressing him. “I… I didn’t order anything.”

“Yeah, I know,” Fili smiled. “But you are one of our regular customers, so see it as a thank-you; it’s on the house.”

The brunet’s eyes dawned with recognition.

“Oh! You’re always making the coffee behind the counter!”

Fili nodded, feeling his cheeks hurt from smiling a bit. But how could he not? His crush had noticed him. Wiggling a little with the cup in his hand, the brunet finally reached for it. He took a tentative sip, whereas Fili took a seat beside him on the bench, grimacing slightly when the seat turned out a lot wetter than he’d expected. How could the other sit here just like that? It had to be extremely uncomfortable given how long he was already here.

“Thank you, but I don’t understand why you would-,“ he didn’t finish his question, instead doing a helpless gesticulation.

“I see you at the bus stop sometimes in the morning. Today you looked… sad,” at first Fili wanted to treat the subject more carefully, but in the end decided against it, since there was no word able to describe the brunet’s current appearance more precisely.

The young man beside him pulled a face.

“You still do, if you don’t mind me saying. Do you want to talk about it?”

“I… I don’t think so… it’s rather stupid anyway.”

Shoulders slumping with defeat, a head held low, brunet hair falling around his features like a curtain, gaze turned to the coffee held in his hands… the sheer sight of his dejection made Fili’s chest ache painfully.

“It’s fine if you don’t want to talk about it, but I promise you, I won’t judge,” he told him gently.

His crush glanced at him, perhaps considering if Fili was telling the truth, but eventually he sighed.

“My best friend is moving. I mean, I’m happy for her, she worked so hard for that scholarship and she deserves it, but… it’s a different country, different time zone and just emailing and skyping isn’t the same. I know her since I was four and discovered she lived next door after we met at the playground. We were always spending time together and I’m going to miss seeing her. I miss her already, she is busy with packing at the moment and I get that she has a lot of stuff to sort out, but I… I feel lonely. I mean, yes, there are other students I’m hanging out with and they are fun to be around, but I wouldn’t trust them with my secrets, not yet at least. She is the one I could tell everything and who was always there for me and I don’t know what I will do without her around.”

It seemed like a dam had broken after the first words had been uttered. He was talking so fast Fili had to listen really attentively to catch everything and when the brunet was finished, he seemed to realise as well just how much he’d spilled to a stranger. A blush was colouring his cheeks by now.

“As I said, it’s stupid,” the brunet added meekly.

“It’s not stupid,” Fili said, shaking his head as he did so. “She is your best friend. She probably feels the same.”

“Doesn’t seem like it right now,” the brunet sighed.

“Yes, but she is busy with packing. It will hit her out of the blue, when things have calmed down.”

The other was silent for a few heartbeats.

“Sounds like I should force her to talk to me before she leaves… I don’t want her to be lonely, when she is finally where she always wanted to be.”

“Sounds like a good plan,” Fili agreed.

The other smiled shyly at him as he met the blond’s gaze, causing his insides to cramp with giddiness. Geez, this smile should be forbidden. It was soft and warm and all Fili could do was to return it.

“Thank you for listening-,” he tilted his head, trying to catch sight of something Fili’s brain wasn’t able to comprehend, still too busy with celebrating the little rays of sunshine that were radiating from the young man’s features. “Fili.”

Ohhh, the name plate!

Stopping him with a wave of his hand, Fili replied: “Don’t mention it.”

“No! Really! Talking to you was really helpful! Can I treat you to a coffee as a thank-you?”

It took all of Fili’s self-control to refrain himself from nodding far too eagerly, thankfully the brunet couldn’t hear the voice in his head cheering happily.

“I would like that, though it would be cool to know your name first.”

The other blushed once again, sheepishly rubbing the nape of his neck.

“Sorry, that was rude,” the brunet apologised. “My name is Kilian, but my friends call me Kili.”

“So, what would you prefer I call you?” Fili asked.

“Kili. Just Kili.”

And if that wasn’t a good sign, then Fili didn’t know what would ever fit this description.

 

 


	24. Meltdown

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was written for FiKi week, but since it turned out rather short, compared with my other fills, I decided to put it into this box.
> 
> Prompt: Sat, 29 Oct: **tears** or ~~laughter~~
> 
> Warning: there is arachnophobia in this chapter

 

 

Kili cursed his life. His head felt as if it was filled with cotton, there was a ringing in his ears that didn’t want to leave him and his eyes burned from the lack of sleep. He seriously had no idea how long he would be able to take it. Ever since Bolg was managing the company the brunet’s life had taken a turn for the worse.

It hadn’t been a secret that Bolg didn’t like Kili and the good reputation he’d earned during the last years. Before Bolg had become his boss, there wasn’t much he could do besides complain and belittle his work, words that hadn’t fazed the brunet at all, since he knew them to be empty sayings coming from envy. Now Bolg was his boss, though and since he couldn’t fire Kili that easily, he had started to load him with work.

Kili was barely able to tell when had been the last time he had a weekend just to relax, when he hadn’t gotten up far too early and when three cups of coffee to get him going weren’t the norm. But he wouldn’t go down easily. Bolg wanted to force him to quit, but after putting so much energy into this company, the brunet wouldn’t give him the satisfaction. Bolg was going to lose, because Kili wasn’t someone to be underestimated.

At least that was what he’d thought in the beginning. Now, after weeks of this torture, he just wanted to go to bed, fall asleep and never wake up again. His private life seemed pretty dead at the moment. The last time he’d seen Fili – the guy he’d met some months ago, the guy he’d dated and who really gave him the feeling like they were moving towards something serious – was already two weeks ago. They texted, when Kili wasn’t too tired for it, but it didn’t feel like enough. They were drifting apart and Kili wanted to curse himself for allowing this to happen.

In the end, he needed this job, though. There weren’t any savings, since he was still paying back his student loans and without the regular income he would be fucked, to put it mildly. Nevertheless, Kili was at the end of his strength.

It was already late when he came home that day. He stumbled more than he walked inside his flat and wanted to head straight to bed, when he saw it. A fat, black spider, legs almost as long as his fingers, sitting next to the doorknob that led to his bedroom.

Kili’s breath hitched. He hated spiders. They were the most disgusting sight he could ever imagine and here it was, one of the biggest insects he had ever seen, blocking his way to sleep. He needed to lie down. He couldn’t sleep on the couch, it was uncomfortable and would make him feel even worse on the next morning than he was already feeling. Whether Kili liked it or not, he needed to get rid of the thing.

His heart was beating furiously within his chest, sending heat through his body and hastening his breath, as he grabbed for a shoe and inched closer to the monstrosity. Despite his best efforts, he wasn’t able to bring himself to cover the last metre.

What if he missed? What if it ran up his arm? What if it ran towards him? What if… what if… oh god, he couldn’t… this was too much…

Trembling, he turned away from the spider, a sob erupted from his throat and the burning in his eyes turned into tears. Kili couldn’t deal with it. It was too much. Everything was just too much. Why couldn’t he get out of this situation? Why? Why? Why?

The shoe dropped to the ground, while Kili huddled next to the entrance door. Pulling his knees close to his chest, the brunet hid his face behind his arms, then and again daring to peek at the spider, to make sure it wasn’t suddenly moving towards him, as he cried silently.

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

Kili cried until his cheeks felt stretched tight over the bones, until his head and throat hurt and his eyes felt swollen. Once allowing the emotions to overcome him, there seemed to be no way of stopping them.

“Kili?”

Only the worried whisper of his name caused him to look up. His lids widened with surprise, when he spotted Fili crouching beside him, looking him over worriedly.

“What?” the brunet croaked confused.

What was going on here?

“The door was open,” Fili replied gently. “You haven’t answered my texts in three days and got me really worried. I wanted to check on you and see if everything’s alright.”

Kili felt strangely numb. Now that the tears had been forced to a stop by the unexpected visitor, everything seemed strangely distant from one moment to another.

“I…,” he licked his lips, “there… there is a spider,” Kili said, lacking a better way to phrase the situation and pointed at the black monster, still sitting close to the doorknob.

The blond’s eyes followed his pointer and gazed at the insect thoughtfully. There was a moment of silence, in which Kili simply stared at the plain wallpaper.

“How about you make us some tea, while I take care of the spider, mh?” Fili asked him.

Kili nodded mechanically. He could do this. It wasn’t much of an effort and didn’t require much thinking. By the time the blond helped him up, Kili padded into the kitchen without a word.

It didn’t take long for Fili to return. The kettle had just been put on, when a blond head of hair peeked into the kitchen.

“It’s gone,” Fili informed him.

He was grateful that the other spared him the details. He didn’t care if Fili had killed it or brought it outside. As long as it was gone and wouldn’t keep him from crawling into his bed, everything was fine.

They waited for the kettle in silence, with the blond casting worried glances into his direction, which Kili could barely comprehend in his current state of detachment.  Only when they sat down on the couch together, both with a steaming mug of tea in front of them, did the blond speak again.

“What’s going on Kili? You told me you had troubles at work, but to stay quiet for so long isn’t like you.”

For a moment the brunet thought of lying. They didn’t know each other very long and who wanted to be found as a sobbing mess by the man they had started dating not long ago? On the other hand, since his meltdown must’ve pretty much ruined every chances of a relationship with Fili, Kili could as well tell him the truth.

And so it all came out. How Bolg replaced his boss, his jealousy, how he wanted to bully him out of the company, the way everything piled up to a giant mountain of shit he couldn’t handle anymore and how his fear of spiders had caused him to lose the last bit of his control.

He couldn’t say what he expected afterwards, perhaps an awkward pat on the back or words of sympathy, maybe even to be left alone just a couple of seconds later. What caught him completely by surprise where the strong arms pulling him to the blond’s chest, engulfing him in the warmest hug he’d felt in months.

Kili almost choked on the next breath, as he snuggled up to Fili. The hug felt safe, as if he could bury himself in those arms and hide from the world. 

A kiss was placed to the top of his head.

“That bastard! He won’t get through with it!”

He shrugged helplessly. It felt as if he already did.

“You will call in sick tomorrow.”

“No, I can’t, I have to-,“ he tried to protest weakly, but Fili interrupted him.

“He can’t fire you, just because you call in sick for the first time in months. You will call in sick, stay at home for a week or longer if you need it, and in that time, we will figure something out.”

Fili tightened his hold around him, as if sensing Kili needed it right now.

“Thank you,” the brunet whispered against Fili’s collarbone, for now accepting the support and love the other man offered him.

Tomorrow he might be a mess again, might ask himself why he hadn’t asked for help sooner, might feel embarrassed that Fili saw him like that, but also relieved that the blond didn’t leave him because of it. Tomorrow a lot of things could happen. Right now, though, Kili was simply glad to be held by the man he was falling for.

 

 


	25. Dragon Fever

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I decided to post the little stories for the "12 Days of Christmas"-event in this box as well, since most of them don't really have titles and posting them on their own would be such a hassle. Me and titles will never be friends. xD
> 
> I won't manage every day of the 12 days, but 8 are planned, so hopefully that will all work out. :)
> 
> As always, additional tags have been added for the upcoming one-shots.

 

 

With the greatest caution Kíli unfolded the soft cloth and revealed the beads and the clasp stored in it. They shined in beautiful silver, the emblem of the prince engraved into them with an artistry one could only admire. Since the day they had been given to him, Kíli hadn't done anything else with them. He didn't want to stain them, would merely allow himself to brush his fingertips over the wonderful trinkets and treat them as if they could break at the slightest impact. They were special, because Fíli had given them to him, voicing his desire to court him.

It was a tradition that had mostly becoming extinct and was only practised by royalty now. Accepting the silent question would be easy and not require any words, as Kíli had been told. The only thing he needed to do was to braid the beads into his hair, and on every morning he looked at them, he was always close to pick them up. In the end, though, his fingers always found a corner of the cloth and tucked them away safely again.

Kíli sighed. This day wasn't any different.

"Why don't you just accept them? I can see that you want to," Dís asked him, as she placed a bowl in front of him.

The brunet pulled face. At the sight of the porridge his stomach protested almost immediately. Pressing a hand against it, in hopes to soothe the rising nausea, he shook his head.

"I can't."

"Is it because of the appointment today?"

"No," he blurted out on instinct, but then remembered he was talking to his mother. "Yes... maybe."

No answer felt right. He didn't know anymore how right felt, regardless if he was talking about making decisions or his own body.

"Fíli deserves better," he murmured at last, pushing the bowl away.

"Isn't that for him to decide?" she replied, shoving the porridge back to him. "You need to eat."

"What's the point if I can't keep it down?"

Kili was so sick of throwing up. The only thing that wasn't causing his stomach to rebel now was tea and water, anything else seemed to be too much. A couple of weeks ago he had still managed to eat porridge and broth, these times were over, though. He had lost a lot of weight because of it, so much that he avoided mirrors. Kíli didn't recognise himself anymore.

"You have to try at least," his mother begged him and seeing her desperate features told him once again of her worry.

She was suffering, because he was. Reluctantly he shoved a small spoon of the food into his mouth. His stomach seemed to roar unhappily at the taste. He heaved drily, trying to hide it from his mother. It cost him quite a bigger effort than should be necessary to swallow the sticky bulk. Shuddering violently as he felt it travel down his gullet, Kíli dropped the spoon into the bowl, leaned back on his chair and tried to breathe through the wave of nausea attacking him.

"Fíli loves you. You shouldn't withdraw from him."

"Tomorrow I will know what to do," he argued. Eating the porridge had been a bad idea, Kíli thought as he pressed his lids shut.

"You are hurting him the longer you wait. It would do you some good to let him help you."

"He has duties and besides," he explained through laborious panting, "I would rather hurt him by rejecting him, than allowing him to court and marry a dying miner. That would hurt him even more."

His mother sighed, sounding as if she was readying herself for another reply, but whatever she wanted to say, it was interrupted by Kili bending over the chair and throwing up.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

They called it Dragon Fever. It was said that, when thousands of years ago Erebor had been reclaimed, the dragon had left a sickness in the stone. No one could tell how it was communicated. It could neither be the water, nor air nor contact with dwarves, otherwise no one would be able to live under the mountain anymore. It was a riddle for every physician. The elves might've been able to understand it, but they had left Middle-Earth so long ago many believed them to be creatures of fairy tales.

The sickness could only be detected in the blood and that was what Kíli had been waiting for during the last couple of days. Óin had taken a blood sample from him and now the results were waiting for the young brunet in the doctor's office. Kíli wasn't really worried anymore. When it had started he'd been afraid, but now he'd long since accepted it. He didn't believe Óin would confirm any less than the fever. Despite growing up poor with a limited education the symptoms weren't unknown.

It started with a cough. Then came the tiredness. Afterwards he became prone for other illnesses and with time there was simply a feeling of feebleness and constant nausea left. Kíli was pale and thin and the dark circles around his eyes seemed to be burned into his skin. Everyone who looked at him had to understand that he was carrying the disease. Well, perhaps everyone except the rich folk. They might just put it off as malnutrition.

The way to Óin’s office wasn’t that long, but it led him over the market. Since it was early in the morning during the week not many dwarves were yet trying to purchase any goods and so barely anyone took notice of his miserable state. It was immensely relieving. From the day he hadn’t been capable to do his work anymore, he couldn’t shake off the feeling that the whole mountain was staring at him and seeing the sickness on his features. Save for his home every place seemed to make him feel exposed.

“Kíli?” a voice calling for him made him stop dead in his tracks.

He heard footsteps approaching fast, almost drowned under the noise of his sudden rapid heartbeat. No, this couldn’t be happening. Not now. Kíli didn’t yet know what to say. How should he look him in the eyes?

But there was no escaping, a hand was gently placed on his shoulders, ere he was carefully pulled around until he could meet the other’s gaze.

“Hey, what’s up, are you running away from me?” Fíli teased him softly. The sound of his voice couldn’t hide the wave of concern crossing the blond's features, after a brief glance at Kíli’s sickly form.

Despite the awful news waiting for him just a couple of metres away, the brunet managed to smile cheekily.

“I’m sorry to inform you, but the world doesn’t revolve around you.”

His reply set the other visibly at ease.

“Oh, is that the reason why you haven’t told me yet if you accept my courting gift or not?” the blond wondered with a hint of mirth gleaming in his blue orbs.

Wincing, Kíli averted his gaze. He had hoped they could avoid this topic, it wasn’t surprising, though that Fíli was hoping for an answer. Fíli had given him the beads almost two weeks ago, before the sickness had attacked the younger dwarf with a force it never had before.

“I will let you know tomorrow, okay?”

Fíli’s hand, still resting on his shoulder, slid tenderly down his arm until it could grasp Kíli’s hand and stopped him from twisting his fingers painfully. An encouraging squeeze incited him to look up again.

“If you are so sure that you can give me an answer tomorrow, I feel like you’ve already made your decision,” Fíli argued. It wasn’t in any way supposed to press, the blond was far too patient and considerate for such moves. Nevertheless, it pained Kíli that he couldn’t give him what he needed.

“Tomorrow,” Kíli insisted.

Fíli watched him closely. His strong gaze piercing right through all of his defences. Kíli couldn’t withstand it and lowered his head once again.

“What’s going on, Kíli? I can see things aren’t right. What happened to the young man that beat me on the training field and couldn’t care less if his opponent was a prince or not? Your fierceness was what caught my attention in the beginning, but it seems to be gone completely now.”

“I’m sorry,” the brunet whispered helplessly, unable to find a better reply.

“That’s not an accusation,” Fíli added hurriedly, as if he feared to have displeased him. “I’m just worried. You are unwell.”

Kíli was so close to blurting everything out and when he realised it, he pulled away frantically. The confusion and hurt on Fíli’s face ached almost as much as every bone in his body.

“I will let you know tomorrow. I promise,” he assured him, before fleeing the scenery, trying to ignore how the edges of his vision went fuzzy.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

In Óin’s office he was luckily given the time to catch his breath again, ere he was called into one of the rooms. There he waited for a couple more minutes. Once the door opened they greeted each other. The doctor had an envelope under his arm and took a seat calmly.

“Well, the results are here,” Óin began their conversation and pulled out a piece of paper. “The blood analyses confirmed what we already feared. It is the Dragon Fever, stage four. You are lucky you’ve come here. Once you reach stage five there would’ve been nothing we could do to stop it.”

Kíli had closed his lids with defeat at the confirmation, just to stare at the other with wide eyes barely a second later. What was the meaning of this? He had always thought Dragon Fever wasn’t curable. Every of the dwarves Kíli had seen fighting with the sickness had never returned to their job and news of their deaths had at some point went around. How, in Mahal’s name, could there be a cure?

“I can prescribe you the first dose of the medication for free, but for every following month your insurance will expect an additional payment. The plant is quite expensive and that it can only grow in the Shire doesn’t turn it any cheaper.”

“So it’s not going to kill me?” he wondered.

He had to hear the words from a doctor, needed a clear explanation and no beating around the bush, no flowery euphemisms, just the blunt truth.

“I’m not going to lie. The healing process is long. You will have to take these pills for a whole year, every twelves hours and can’t skip a day. But if you follow those instructions, then yes, it won’t kill you, quite the opposite, you will be completely healthy again next year around this time.”

Kíli’s lips began to wobble with emotions at the sight of Óin’s reassuring smile and the weight that suddenly seemed to leave his shoulders. His chest felt less tight as pure joy wandered through his system. He wasn’t going to die. He would heal and he could accept Fíli’s gift. Everything was going to be alright.

With the prescription Kíli headed towards the next pharmacy after leaving the office. The young lady behind the counter told him once again, what Óin had already said, one pill ever twelve hours, before he went home, a pill bottle with a month worth of health inside it.

His mother hugged him so fiercely he had trouble breathing, but couldn’t help a small bubble of laughter to escape from his throat. So it seemed, all those people who had died from the sickness had simply not visited a doctor in time. How lucky he was to forget about his usual dwarven-pride, acting like nothing could hurt him and had allowed Óin to check his blood.

At least until he found out about the amount of additional payment, his insurance would expect of him, on the very same evening. Kíli had just eaten dinner, after taking a pill for the first time able to handle a couple of small spoons of broth without feeling nauseous, just for his stomach to protest, when he checked the website of the insurance on his phone.

He had no idea how to procure so much money each month. Never had he believed medicine could be that expensive. The insurance had been a precaution, when he’d started working in the mine, knowing it would save them from financial ruin should he get hurt during an accident. They would pay half of the costs, but half of the costs weren’t enough.

Dís looked similar at as loss, once she had taken a look at it. Without much hope her eyes wandered over the meagre interior.

“Well, maybe if we sell some things,” she suggested.

“That might help for another month if we are lucky, but it’s not enough,” Kíli croaked.

Things might’ve been different if he was still working in the mine and could contribute his income. Unable to wield a pickaxe in his current state, though, his mother was the only one working in their little home and waiting tables didn’t offer a big salary. Kíli’s sick-pay was just enough to keep the insurance going. It was a lost cause.

“Maybe Fíli would help,” his mother mentioned at last.

“Absolutely not!” Kíli cut her off with a harshness his poor condition hadn’t allowed in a long time. “I’m not going to ask him. I won’t have anyone think I’m taking advantage of him.”

“Since when do you care what other people think about you?” she gasped. Her eyes were wide, confusion and hurt reflecting in her dark orbs.

Kíli could barely stand to look at her. He didn’t want to hurt his mother, but he wasn’t going to use Fíli like that. Fíli had asked to court him, not to pay vast sums of money for medication. In the end the blond might think his wealth was the only reason Kíli agreed to a courtship. No, that was not going to happen.

“I’m going to bed,” he therefore said and got up without another glance at Dís.

“This is the sickness talking! Fíli loves you! He would do everything to see you well again!”

And that was the problem. Kíli didn’t want to see him sacrifice everything for his wellbeing.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

The following day the brunet spent in bed, only taking one of the pills and little bites of dry bread because his mother begged him. It seemed so useless to continue with them, when just in a month or two everything would get worse once again. Why deal with the pain anew? He could simply succumb to it, let it take him and end his misery, before his weakened state hurt his poor mother even more.

Dís let him have his way, at least until noon. A knock at his door startled him. Instead of answering, he huddled himself deeper into the blanket, mumbling a muffled ‘ _go away_ ’. Of course his mother didn’t listen to him, had probably not even heard it, and the door opened.

“Kíli?”

The brunet froze at the voice. A voice that was too deep to belong to a dwarrowdam. A voice he knew just as well as his own. A voice that could whisper his name with so much gentleness it made him shiver. What was Fíli doing here?

The mattress dipped slightly when Fíli took a seat next to him just before a hand started to stroke through his hair. Kíli sighed.

“Mum told you what’s going on,” he realised. There hadn’t been many moments for physical tenderness like that and there could only be one reason why Fíli would suddenly begin with it, without asking for his permission first.

“To be fair,” Fíli murmured, “I came over for the answer you promised me for today and she thought it was better for me to know the truth. And you know what? She is right. Why haven’t you told me?” Despite the hint of an accusation in his voice, the soft brush over his hair didn’t cease its even movements for a second.

“Because you would’ve said you didn’t care that I’m sick and that you would pay for the medicine.”

“And what is wrong with that?”

Shoving the blanket away, Kíli struggled into a sitting position, meeting Fíli’s worried and desperate gaze with his tired one.

“I don’t want to take advantage if you.”

“You’ve never taken advantage of me!  And I know you never would. I’ve fallen in love with you because you have never treated me like a prince. You treated me like everyone else. You were bold and cheeky and reckless and stayed true to yourself. You are not taking advantage of me, I’m _offering_ to help you.”

Fíli looked at him intensely. There wasn’t even the slightest amount of doubt visible on his features and yet Kíli had a hard time accepting it. He should be strong enough to win this fight on his own. He shouldn’t have to depend on someone else. Dwarves were stubborn and sturdy, able to withstand every hardship. Only Kíli seemed to be a poor specimen. Such a miserable creature shouldn’t be allowed to stay under this mountain.

Just when he was about to lower his head, Fili’s hands suddenly cupped his face, forcing the brunet to look at him.

“That’s the dragon talking, Kíli,” Fíli warned as if he’d been able to listen to the thoughts attacking him. “That’s not you. This is part of the terrible curse it has left on this mountain. It has already killed so many of us in the past and it won’t rest before this mountain belongs to it again. But we can fight it. We have the medicine to stop it, you only have to let me help you. Don’t let the serpent win, it has already won far too often. Please, Kíli!”

Staring at the other with bewilderment, he felt frozen to the spot, as if Fíli’s strong gaze saw right through his fears.

Was that possible? Could the Dragon Fever attack his mind as well? Could it break his will and lure him to surrender to its terrible clutches? Sure, Kíli hadn’t really felt like himself for a while, but he’d shrugged it off as a side effect of feeling terrible in general. Perhaps, though, it was as Fíli said and this lack of fight inside him was just another symptom.

There were many terrible stories about the dragon after all. Maybe… maybe Fíli was right.

And the longer Kíli thought about it, his eyes not once breaking contact with the blond’s, he realised that he wasn’t ready to leave this world just yet. He loved Fíli. He wanted to spend his life with him. Learn everything about him. See parts of the world he only knew from stories. There were so many dreams waiting to be fulfilled. He was barely eighty. Far too young to die for a dwarf.

“Please, help me,” Kíli whispered at last.

Fíli’s determined expression morphed into great relief, as a small smile adorned his lips.

The blond then leaned closer, still holding on to Kíli’s head, as he tilted his own to press his still smiling lips to Kíli’s. It was their first kiss, sweet and innocent and perhaps a little clumsy. He couldn’t help but inhale Fíli’s rich scent, most of it had to be deodorant, but yet he believed to smell a certain amount of something that was purely Fíli. Fíli wasn't afraid of the sickness within him, only asked for closeness in silent words of love. It made Kíli feel welcome and at home and the last bit of doubts the dragon tried to hiss inside his mind melted away.

 

 


	26. “You’re bleeding. Let me take a look at that.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was in need of some prompts for the event and [Linane](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Linane/pseuds/Linane) was so kind to help me out with one.  
> The prompt was: _“You’re bleeding. Let me take a look at that.” (H/C)_
> 
> I really hope I could do your prompt justice!
> 
> This also takes places in my [Whispers of the Stone](http://archiveofourown.org/works/5060728) 'verse and therefore probably won't make much sense if you didn't read the main story. The tags of the main story also apply for this one.

 

 

Fíli was _this_ close to throw his so-called advisors from the parapet built above the gates to Erebor. He had folded his arms and was burying his fingers so deeply in his upper arms it started to hurt, while he pressed his lips into a thin line to prevent himself from screaming. But despite the furrow between his brows and the furious expression he was displaying, none of them seemed to notice what kind of impact their words had on him.

Balin was the only sensible one, yet he had given up to try to silence them with reason. Fili couldn’t really fault him, he was already wondering if murdering those men could be seen as an act of self-defence.

“It’s not that we think the prince doesn’t deserve a place in our halls, but considering his condition it would be best for the kingdom to keep him away from political matters. We think it would be best to strip him off his titles, once you finally agree to marry one of the dams we recommended and the first heir his sired. Until then the prince should be kept somewhere where he can’t cause trouble.”

And that disgusting freak of a dwarf had the nerve to look at Fíli almost hopefully.

“Out,” the blond growled, barely able to suppress the true flow of insults that sat at the tip of his tongue, waiting to burst out of him.

Confused gazes were turned at him.

“My king?”

“It’s my brother and your prince you are insulting with your treacherous words. There is no place in Erebor for disloyal scum like you. So get out before I drag you out by your beards!”

With an aggressive motion he wiped the carafe and tankard in front of him off the table, causing them to shatter on the ground and making the dwarves flinch. Fíli was breathing heavily, seconds away from blowing up completely, but luckily his advisors seemed to realise the seriousness behind his words and hurried to get out of the hall, leaving only him and Balin.

Once out of sight the anger drained from Fíli’s limbs, causing him to sink back heavily onto his chair. He was so sick of these discussions. There were so many people whispering the most terrible things about his brother. They called him the _damaged prince_ and wouldn’t always obey to his own orders. What good was being king if his guards didn’t even listen to him? And despite performing harsh punishments, it didn’t seem to end. The battle was over a year ago, which should’ve been enough time for everyone to settle, but instead his advisors were turning against him, just when Dwalin had gotten the guards back under control. Who would be next? A shopkeeper, claiming Kíli had stolen something? The battle might’ve left its mark on him, but it hadn’t destroyed his brother’s sense of good and bad. He was still Kíli, just not always the Kíli Fíli had fallen in love with illegally some years ago.

This mountain was sick. Fíli didn’t want to be king anymore. Just a year of it had been too much. He wanted to run away. Take Kíli somewhere where his impairment wouldn’t matter, where no one knew them and where they didn’t have to hide the small signs of affection they could offer each other. Perhaps that could help him heal as well. Instead he was stuck here. Heir to a kingdom he didn’t want. He just wanted Kíli to be safe and happy again, no matter the costs. He wished Thorin was still alive. Maybe then they could’ve left.

“Do you want me to draft an announcement of their dismissal?”

Balin’s voice surprised him and urged him to look up and meet the kind eyes of one of a few men that still seemed to respect him. Fíli had already forgotten he was still in the same room with him.

“Yes, please,” he nodded heavily, heaving a deep sigh.

He felt tired and weary, as if he had lived for longer than one period of life. Despite being a young dwarf, after moments like that he always felt like an old man.

His gaze wandered to the shards on the ground and winced. Giving in to his anger wasn’t like him. Usually he would thrash some straw dummies on the training grounds, until his muscles burned with his exhaustion and his lung felt as if it was going to stop working any second. This had been a weak moment he wished no one had seen. Now there might be whispers and lies weaved. Fíli could already here them… the damaged prince and the mad king. What a pair…

Bending down with a sigh, he began to pick up the shards. He wasn’t very careful and barely felt the cuts littering his fingers in no time. Everything seemed strangely numb. 

“Go home for today,” Balin’s gentle voice addressed him.

It wasn’t something he heard often from the other dwarf, but his erstwhile teacher knew how much that topic got to him and not even being aware of the amount of work waiting for the king today could stop Balin from uttering it. His love for him was greater than Balin’s sense of duty.

And Fili agreed, aware that he would be unable to deal with any more issues for the day. He just wanted to go home and spent time with Kíli… if his brother’s condition allowed it. Balin patted his shoulder soothingly, when Fíli got up and walked past him, promising him at the same time that he would call for a servant to clean up the shards. A handkerchief was handed to him to stench the bleeding and then he was sent off.

The way to his chambers was unoccupied and the couple of guards he met bowed their heads respectfully. Fíli exhaled deeply, once the door fell shut behind him. In the living room he found his mother, reading a book and raising her gaze at the sound of the door.

“You are back already,” Dís noticed with surprise. Her eyes, trained for the trouble of her children, didn’t miss the exhaustion on his features. “Should I ask Balin to tell me what happened?”

Fíli nodded silently, not in the mood explain what happened with the disappointment in his people and the tiredness as strong in his mind as it was right now.

“What day is it today?” he asked her.

A small smile wandered to her lips, a sight that immediately melted some of the stress from his tense body.

“A good one,” she informed him softly.

Bowing his head, Fíli went straight into the next room. Kíli wasn’t sitting at the table, even though the chaos on it made the blond expect it. It was easy to figure out why, though. The pieces of the puzzle hadn’t been put together. It wasn’t a very complicated one, Fíli remembered doing it together with his brother on a different day. The pieces must’ve confused him too much to solve it. Focussing and concentration were the most difficult things, even on good days.

And so Fíli spotted the brunet in an armchair close to the fire, working on a piece of wood with his knife. At the sight of it a sense of dread punched him in the stomach. He didn’t want to imagine what could happen if Kíli slipped. If he was lucky it would end with a deep cut, if not he might have to live with one finger less. And yet Fíli stopped himself from darting to side of the younger dwarf. Kíli had troubles since the day on Ravenhill, but he wasn’t stupid. Fíli knew this better than anyone else, had defended his brother against so many unfair accusations and wouldn’t start to join into this nonsense, regardless what his fearful heart told him. Besides, their mother wouldn’t have allowed Kíli to use a knife unattended, if he wasn’t capable of using it today.

Trying to calm his frantic heart, Fíli attempted to figure out what it was Kíli was carving, but came up blank.

It was then that Kíli raised his head and became aware of the other person in the room. A beaming smile wandered to his lips and without a second thought he tossed the piece of wood and the knife to the ground. Hurrying towards him he wound his arms around the blond and kissed him without shame.

“Fee! You are back!” he exclaimed happily.

The good mood didn’t stay for long. Kíli must’ve noticed the tiredness in his brother’s eyes for he stepped back and examined him worriedly before Fíli was even given the time to react.

“You are bleeding,” Kíli realised.

Out of an unconscious reflex he tried to hide his injured hands behind his back. Old habits die hard and after years of being the one to take care of Kíli, it was difficult to let go of that feeling, whispering in his head that his own needs weren’t important, that he had to endure them without help or he would appear weak. And indeed, now that Kíli had voiced it so bluntly, Fíli got aware of the throbbing pain wandering through his fingers for the first time.

How Dís could’ve missed the wounds was beyond him, but then again, perhaps she had seen and believed part for his return this early was because he wanted to clean his hands. Fíli hadn’t told her anything about his day after all.

“It has already stopped bleeding. It’s nothing,” Fíli tried to pass it off.

“That’s not true,” his brother replied. Still facing him he leaned sidewards to reach for one of Fíli’s writs. “Let me take look at that.”

He hesitated for a couple of heartbeats, before slowly showing his brother his hands. They were indeed bleeding again, probably because he’d clenched his fists with helpless anger on the way back. Kíli frowned at them, as he turned them in his grip to examine them carefully.

“Come, let’s go to the bathroom and clean your hands,” Kíli whispered softly.

He allowed the younger to lead him into the bathroom, took a seat on an empty chair and followed the movements of the brunet. Kíli moved steady and fast, only once stopping as if he needed to remember his surroundings. Seeing him like that spoke once again of the unfairness of their situation. True, this was one of the good days, a day on which Kíli knew who he was and the injury didn’t affect him too much. But there were also bad days, when he didn’t recognise Fíli anymore, when he got angry and screamed and wept for reasons he wouldn’t share with a stranger the blond was to him in such moments. They made him feel helpless and hurt more than he admitted in Kíli’s presence. He had voiced it once and it had ended in a heart-breaking confession that made him realise how much his little brother suffered.

And as if all of that wasn’t enough, he had to fight with his own council about it, too. He was so tired. Sometimes he wished he’d been smarter. That he hadn’t sent Kíli to search the lower levels. That he hadn’t gotten himself captured. If they had just turned around, Kíli would still be healthy. Or if he’d gotten killed… if he’d fought a little less… if he hadn’t given Kíli the time to find him…

Fíli was lost so deeply in his thoughts, he flinched when Kíli began to clean his hands. It stung, but the brunet was gentle.

Watching him work, a lump of guilt formed in his throat. What he wouldn’t give to bring Kíli to a place, where both of them could live in peace. Far away from the responsibilities of a kingdom and dwarves that snickered behind their backs.

Part of it must’ve shown on his face, for his brother suddenly stopped just after finishing Fíli’s left hand.

His vision began to blur dangerously, a pressure sitting in his eyes that felt as if it was going to burn them any minute.

And the arms were there, pulling him against the man he loved. Fíli could lean against him, toss the weight from his shoulders, knowing that Kíli would carry both of their loads. Despite the effects of his injury, he seemed so much stronger on those days.

“It’s all right. I’m here,” the younger soothed him gently.

Fíli nodded gratefully, burying his face against Kíli’s shoulders and shuddered with silent waves of anguish surging over him.

“I love you, you know that, right?” Fíli gasped, trying to suppress the sobs that wanted to escape his throat, but barely succeeding. He needed to know, felt as if he was doing a poor job of showing it. He should be able to put an end to the whispers, to the disrespect and insults. Instead he felt like a little boy again, almost breaking under the huge expectations of his uncle.

He was failing them all. Thorin, Erebor… but most of all Kíli.

“I know,” his brother replied, before he pressed a kiss to Fíli’s temple that had him whimpering with relief. “And I love you, too.”

It was that moment Fíli decided he would get them out of here. Perhaps not during the next month…, maybe not even within the next years, but he would find away, for both of their sakes.

 

 


	27. Misunderstanding

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: Non-Consensual Drug Use

 

 

The music was deafening, the beat, causing the speaker to boom, felt as if they had long become a part of his body. Kili just too happily ordered another drink. He was finally beginning to loosen up and just winked at his dancing partner waiting for his return close to the dance floor. The guy noticed it and licked his lips lasciviously. Usually gestures like that would’ve urged him to snort, turn around and ignore the other man, perhaps giving him a piece of his mind if he dared to approach him, but today Kili was relishing it. There was a reason why he had chosen a black tank top and skinny jeans that highlighted his arse. He wanted those looks, the dirty smiles and the promise of filthy, brutal sex in the restroom. Granted, he needed a little more alcohol for that, but once inhibition melted away he would gladly offer everyone who wanted a ride.

This time his choice was a _Zombie_. Cocktails worked better than beer when he wanted to get drunk. The alcohol was easily covered by the fruit juices. Especially today he needed things to progress faster and ordered one of the strongest cocktails the club served.

Before he was able to return to his companion, someone grabbed him by the wrist, holding him back. It almost made him spill his drink and Kili growled with annoyance. Ori and Nori were looking him over worriedly.

“Listen, I know you are hurting, but don’t you think you are beginning to take things a little too far?” Nori screamed over the noise of the music, his expression alternated between worry and displeasure.

“I can do what I want. I’m single,” Kili shot back, yanking his hand free and glaring at the older redhead.

“You can’t say you are single, you haven’t really talked things through and I don’t think Fili meant it that way.”

“What’s there not to understand? He doesn’t want me to meet his parents and can’t give me a damn reason. It’s obvious he is ashamed of me,” his voice would’ve probably sound like it was tumbling along at the edge of hysteria, if the music hadn’t drowned it.

“Why would he be ashamed of you? There is no reason,” Ori tried to argue.

“Damn right there is no reason!”

And yet Fili was. Every time Kili had asked to meet his parents he’d found flimsy excuses. He was putting him off for two months now and the brunet had gotten sick of his prevarications. Fili had denied every one of his assumptions. They weren’t homophobic. They weren’t dead, weren’t sick, didn’t live too far away, called Fili often and seemed like very nice people on the pictures Fili had shown him. So if Fili’s parents weren’t the problem, there was only one explanation. _He_ had to be the problem.

Kili hadn’t the best reputation. As a teen he’d been troubled and sentenced too more hours of community service than he could recall. He had gotten his act together after a month of arrest, though. He had gone back to school, sat his school leaving certificate and was now about to finish studying and had overall felt pretty proud of himself. But of course a former shoplifter wasn’t who Fili wanted to introduce to his parents. And yes, Kili could even understand that his past might frighten other people, but he’d thought Fili to be different. Instead he was ashamed, just like Kili’s boyfriends before him. There was a reason those relationships had never lasted long, but with the blond he’d really thought it to be something serious. Seemed like he’d been wrong.

Being ashamed of something that was long in the past… Kili would give Fili something to feel ashamed of and if he had to give the whole freaking club a turn. Perhaps once all of those dudes had fucked him silly the helpless anger would finally leave him.

“Fili can fuck off for all I care!” Kili sneered and turned back to the man waiting for him almost impatiently.

“Leave him,” he could hear Ori say. “He is lovesick.”

Kili took a strong sip of his drink to keep the boiling anger at bay at Ori’s words. He wasn’t missing Fili! He was glad he was rid of him!

The dude grabbed his arse possessively, allowing him to focus his attention on the right person. Leading him back onto the dance floor Kili moved with him as if he wasn’t some sleazy arsehole determined to get into his pants. He danced within the crowd, pressing closer to him, which was merely made easier by the amount of people moving around them, until he was grinding against the other. His cock began to stir in his tight pants and Kili moaned loudly as the stranger began to kiss his neck.

The cocktail was finished sooner than expected. Kili started to feel lightheaded. Swimming on a wave of euphoria and lust, he nodded eagerly when someone else offered to buy him another drink, while his dancing partner went to the restroom. It seemed like he’d won his own little fan club with his excessive dance moves. The night took exactly the turn he’d wanted it to.

A drink was pressed into his hands and Kili sucked at the straw, enjoying the taste of the new flavour, before licking over it wantonly. The effect it had on the next guy close by had Kili grinning.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

His head hurt and despite lying on something soft it felt as if his surroundings were in constant motion. It slowly made him nauseous the longer he was aware of it, until a groan slipped past his lips.

“Kili?” It was soft, barely above a whisper and the brunet was thankful for it, fearing it might increase his headache otherwise.

It took him a while to realise that he knew the voice. Confused he opened his eyes, just to close them again, when the light of the neon lamp seemed to cut into them. Fili soothed him quietly and a couple of seconds later, the lights were turned off. He heaved sigh of relief, finally able to look at the blond sitting on a chair next to his bed.

Where was he? He didn’t know the room. Had no idea what Fili was doing here and how the hell had he come from the club to this place? What was going on here?

Some of the confusion must’ve been visible on his features, for Fili leaned forward and began to speak:

“Someone drugged you last night. You are luckily Ori and Nori kept a close eye on you. I don’t want to imagine what might’ve happened otherwise.”

Fili hesitated for a moment, but then reached for Kili’s hand, warming the cold fingers with his own.

He frowned. Drugged? No, that wasn’t possible. He’d been dancing and drinking and flirted with some guys in hopes they could… no wait… he didn’t remember any of this happening. He hadn’t been pushed against the cold tiles and grunted with the pleasure from a much needed distraction. There was the drink, another dude that seemed interested and Kili had… he didn’t know what he had done. A huge blank spot gaped in his memory.

“Shh,” Fili tried to soothe him as Kili’s breathing sped up and his heart took up a pace as if it wanted to shatter his chest.

With wide eyes he met the blond’s worried gaze and the realisation of his stupid plan slapped him with a force that almost made him lose his balance despite lying down. Fili looked so immensely concerned, whereas Kili had offered the first guy available his body. This was sick. He was over this… at least he had believed to be. But he’d felt so rejected… so hurt… he just wanted to forget and this had been the easiest way to achieve it. He had known too many alcoholics and drug addicts to know how bad stuff like that could end. Sex seemed a lot safer, at least as long as a condom was involved. Right now, though, he felt dirty, when he thought of allowing those other men to touch him in such filthy manners, especially with Fili sitting so close to him. If Fili didn’t have a reason to be ashamed of him before, he certainly would have one now.

“Kili, stop it! I’m not ashamed of you!” Fili called through the turmoil of emotions attacking the brunet, telling him he must’ve uttered a couple of his thoughts out loud. It should’ve increased the panic and it probably would’ve if it hadn’t been for the blond’s words.

“You are not?” Kili gasped with disbelief, trembling with shock.

“I never was,” Fili reassured him, squeezing his hand once again.

“But the… the thing with your parents?”

“I’m not ashamed of you. I’m ashamed of them.”

Kili blinked. Why would Fili, of all people, be ashamed of his parents? He had pictures of them at home and talked with them so often on the phone. It wasn’t making any sense. And so he voiced his confusion, just to have Fili shake his head.

“The people on the pictures are not my parents,” he confessed. And then Fili’s features morphed into sheer bewilderment, when he finally understood what Kili had thought all this time. “You thought… oh god, I’m so sorry. The people on the pictures are my aunt Daisy and her husband Frerin.”

The answer raised only more questions. Fili seemed to realise it as well, for he took a deep breath and began to explain.

“They took me in when I was ten. My mother and my father… well, they did a lot of shit, to put it mildly,” he told him tiredly, it sounded as if it was still a story that weighed upon him immensely. “They did a whole raft of crimes, over fraud and grievous bodily harm, for a while they even tried to sell drugs.” He shook his head with disappointment. “The biggest part of my life they spent in prison. I was bullied for it in school and never really managed to find friends because of it, because I was the _child of criminals_. Everyone thought I would be a bad influence. For a while I came to their defence. I mean, they are my parents and I loved them and I really believed them to be innocent. But then I grew older and realised how terrible they acted and…”

When Fili grimaced, unable to continue, Kili seized his chance:

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“As I said, I was ashamed.”

“That shouldn’t have stopped you!” Kili snapped, a little angry now. “You know, who I was. I never made it a secret and you still couldn’t tell me? God, Fili, I’m just like them, you could’ve trusted me!”

Fili flinched violently at his last sentence.

“You are not like them,” the blond told him sternly.

The only reason Kili didn’t erupt into roaring laughter was the headache pounding behind his brow. There was something involuntary funny about it. Fili’s expression changed from shock and puzzlement into anger and Kili prepared himself for another argument. Fighting seemed to be the only thing they had done for a while or at least he remembered the fights and the ache they had sent through his chest, much more clearly than the positive things. Those feelings had a long time to fester, which had probably made it so much worse. The hypocrisy in this room was unbelievable. There wasn’t a big difference between Kili and Fili’s parents. They all had had messed up.

“You have changed out of your own free will, because you realised what you were doing was going to ruin your life. You took the chances that were offered and got away from it. My parents never did. When I turned twelve my mother was released and I was returned into her care. Two months later she was caught selling drugs and I went back to Frerin. Then I turned fifteen and my father got out. Once again I was sent back. He couldn’t even stand a month until he was arrested again and like that it continued until I came of age. You changed for yourself, but my parents couldn’t even change for me. So no, Kili, you are not like them. You are so much better than them. You are the best thing that ever happened to me and I didn’t want to mess it up and I’m so sorry if that is the reason I ruined things between us.”

Kili blushed with embarrassment. On the one hand he felt a warmth spreading through his chest at learning how highly Fili thought of him. But then came the shame, when he tried to imagine what life must’ve been like for the other with such irresponsible parents, from the bullying at school to the joy of being back with his mother or father just to be disappointed again and again and again. It had to be damaging in more than one way. For the first time Kili realised that Fili was probably as fucked up as he was, that they both had turned out to be decent people seemed to be a miracle. Although the brunet didn’t feel like a good man anymore, after the thing at the club. Instead of assuming things with Fili had ended like all the other relationships before, he should’ve tried to talk to him again, to fight harder. Then again, none of his boyfriends had given him the feeling that he was worth fighting for nor that they wanted him to try.

Except for Fili.

Fili… who saw only the best in him.

“You still could’ve told me. I would’ve understood,” he said quietly.

“I’m sorry. You are right. I was scared and…,” he sighed.

“Hey, let’s just forget about it. I’ve done stupid stuff and you have done stupid stuff, it’s no big deal. But let us agree to be honest with each other from now on, okay?”

A small smile tugged at the corners of Fili’s mouth as he agreed with a nod.

Kili leaned forward to press a gentle kiss to his boyfriend’s lips, just to have Fili catch him, when the dizziness almost caused him to fall over once they separated again.

“Careful there,” Fili told him as he guided him back in a lying potion.

Huffing with annoyance, he stayed silent, trying to supress the new wave of nausea washing over him. Closing his eyes and breathing deeply soon did the trick.

“Can I meet Daisy and Frerin?” he wondered eventually, while Fili’s thumb was rubbing soothing circles into the skin of his hand.

“You want to meet my aunt and uncle?” Fili asked with confusion, as if he thought he'd heard wrongly.

“They were always there for you and raised you. In my books that makes them your parents,” Kili murmured tiredly. Now that everything was finally out in the open, the exhaustion began to catch up with him again.

Blood didn’t matter. It was love that turned people into parents and as far as the brunet had noticed, Daisy and Frerin had given Fili lots of it.

“I will call them tomorrow and ask them,” Fili promised him. His voice sounded a little breathy, but Kili was still able to hear the touched smile in it.

Kili felt warm all over again. They had both almost messed up out of shame, but hopefully it was going to be the first and solely time.

 

 


	28. “I’m not trying anything, there’s something in your hair.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was in need of some prompts for the Christmas event and [islandkate](http://archiveofourown.org/users/islandkate/pseuds/islandkate) was so kind to help me out with one as well.  
> The prompt was: _“I’m not trying anything, there’s something in your hair.”_
> 
> I really hope you will like it!

 

 

Fili was actually about to finish for the day and brought his things back to the barn, when he heard it. He halted just at the entrance to the big building, eyes going to the stairs leading to the hayloft. The noises were unmistakable, a mixture of grunts and obscene moans, with Kili’s voice echoing louder through the barn than any other sound. Fili blushed as realisation hit him.

The other young man, working here to help finance his study, had been picked up by his boyfriend half an hour ago or so. The brunet had even asked Fili if it was okay to leave a little early today. Obviously _Mister Perfect_ had some plans for the evening. Indulgent as Fili was he had agreed, just to notice now that the two hadn’t left immediately, but were actually having sex somewhere in the hay.

Clenching his fists Fili inhaled deeply under a wave of anger. It wasn’t that he minded doing the rest of the work alone if his friend truly had plans, but not so they could’ve fun at their working place. What was Kili thinking? If their boss learned what was going on he could lose his job and so far Fili had believed him to be in desperate need of this income. And besides the anger there was also the familiar sting of jealousy piercing his chest.

He needed to get over Kili, but working with him nearly every day turned this into a difficult task. When they had begun working together everything had been fine, Fili was in a relationship and the brunet a content single. But the more time they got to know each other, the more the blond had noticed himself falling for his new friend, making him realise that he was only out of habit still in a relationship with his boyfriend and that he hadn’t been happy for a long time. With his heart beginning to yearn for someone else, Fili decided it was the best decision to end his relationship. Afterwards he had been so close confessing his developing feelings to Kili, before he was able to do so, however, the brunet introduced Fili to the new man in his life.

Since then he tried to silence his feelings, knowing that Kili didn’t want him the same way, and if the brunet had truly used Fili's good nature, perhaps he would be finally able to let go of him. It didn’t matter if he loved Kili, if he was his friend or just a colleague, leaving early to get screwed by his boyfriend wasn’t a way to keep friends.

Pressing his lips into a thin line at the disappointment surging through him, he decided to bring his tools back anyway, ignoring the sounds still coming from the hayloft. He wasn’t going to stay at this place any longer than necessary after doing Kili’s job as well.

Just when he was putting the spade back where it belonged, Kili came with a shout. The sound was equally annoying as it was arousing and Fili cursed his stupid heart for wanting to be the one that elicited such noises from the brunet.

Trying to be as quiet as possible, not wanting to draw attention to his presence down here, he returned the wheelbarrow to its usual place, while Kili and his boyfriend’s – Al, his name as Al – voices began to reach Fili’s ears.

“That was great, babe,” Al’s sleazy voice.

Fili had never liked that guy. He just didn’t know what Kili saw in him. Yes, he was handsome, but in the blond’s opinion he had the IQ of a silce of bread. Kili could do so much better.

“Yeah, it was, but… that’s the only time I let you do it here. This is my workplace, if someone notices I could lose my job.”

Huh… well it seemed as if Kili had at least a little common sense left, even if it hadn’t sufficed to refuse doing it here in the first place.

“Gods, chill. Nothing happened.”

Fili glared at the stairs leading up to the hayloft. That guy was unbelievable and yet the blond couldn’t help but feel slightly bad for eavesdropping, although unlike Kili he was busy with doing his job, so if one was allowed to be here, it would be him.

“So, where are we going tonight?” Kili asked, followed by the jingling of his belt buckle.

“There is this,” Al paused. "Actually... nah."

"What?"

"It's over"

"Wait, what? What is over?"

"I've been seeing someone for about a month now."

Fili halted dead in his tracks, barely able to breathe as the argument started in earnest.

“You are kidding me?”

“See, that’s exactly why this doesn’t work, you are so uptight.”

“Excuse me? I just let you fuck me in a freaking barn!”

Fili almost wanted to leap to Kili’s defence that very moment. Kili and uptight? His always happy, enthusiastic and cheeky friend? Was this idiot talking about the same person?

“Yeah, whatever,” Al replied completely unimpressed. “Hey, don’t take it personally. You are hot and stuff, but things have gotten kinda lame with you. And that barn thing wasn’t really enough to make you interesting again. Look, I have a date in an hour, so I don’t really have the time for your scene, but if you ever wanna fuck again, you can just call.”

“Piss off, you fucking jerk!”

Al responded with something equally vicious, ere the sounds of fast footsteps on the stairs ended one of the worst break-ups Fili had ever heard of. He was too slow to move out of sight, when Al swaggered down the stairs, grinning as soon as he spotted Fili, as if he’d won some kind of trophy. It only urged the blond to hurry to his friend’s side, once the other had disappeared.

He didn’t know what he expected. Maybe that Kili was crying – even if a part of him thought the brunet should be glad to be rid of that arsehole – or that he was raging, what he didn’t imagine was the shocked way Kili was sitting in the hay, staring at another mountain of dried culms in front of him with a look of bewilderment.

“Kili?” he carefully called the other’s name, trying not to startle him.

His friend’s head whipped around, staring at Fili with surprise.

“What are you doing here?” he gasped.

“I was just finishing up,” the blond told him honestly, before lowering himself next to the other.

Kili’s clothes were completely in disarray, probably because of getting dressed hurriedly, his hair looked a mess, tousled and sticking out into every direction, interspersed with straw. Fili swallowed the new sense of jealousy that attempted to well up inside him. It wasn’t what his friend needed after what just happened.

“Oh,” Kili breathed. “Right.” Closing his eyes with obvious embarrassment for a second, Kili sighed. “I’m really sorry for pushing my work on you.”

It was strange how easily Fili had already forgotten his anger about working while Kili was having _fun_ , perhaps it was because of the outcome of the so-called pleasure or the pitiful form sitting next to him. Kili looked fragile and small and it seemed so wrong to Fili he just wanted to lean over and give him a hug. Kili should be vibrant, should smile and laugh and talk Fili’s head off. This wasn’t the Kili that made his heart sing, this Kili caused it to ache.

“It’s fine, really,” Fili tried to dispel the other’s worries. “I heard what happened. I’m sorry, I didn’t try to listen, I just was about to put the spade and the other stuff back,” he confessed silently.

“Oh,” his friend repeated once more, averting his eyes.

The quietness was so unusual for Kili, Fili didn’t know how to react right away.

“Al is a dick,” the blond said, failing to find a better reply.

“Yeah,” Kili mumbled.

The brunet’s hands began to wander self-consciously over his cloths, tugging them back into the right position and trying to smooth the creases. The treacherous straw in his hair remained, though and Fili couldn’t help his next action. It seemed to be mocking him, bragging about what Kili and Al had done at this place and which would always been denied for him. And so Fili raised his hand, guiding it towards the brunet hair.

Just to stop in mid-motion, when Kili suddenly gazed at him again, eyes wide and confused.

“I’m not trying anything, there’s something in your hair,” Fili told him hurriedly.

A look crossed Kili’s features that had Fili frowning, it almost seemed like... disappointment?

“Or should I?” he wondered.

Kili was already busy with fishing the straw out of his hair, shaking his head.

“No, of course not.”

But Fili’s interest was piqued, accompanied by a tiny spark of hope.

“Kili, do you… really only see me as a friend?” he dared to ask. His own heartbeat sped up as soon as the words had tumbled from his mouth. What if he’d misread the other’s expression? What if thinking about kissing Kili, holding his hands and confessing his love to him would now make things awkward between them? Just because of one question.

Then again, Kili was taking his sweet time with answering and if there wasn't anything to confess, why would he hesitate? Unless he tried to find a way to spare Fili’s feelings.

At last Kili sighed.

“I didn’t want to make things awkward.”

“Then why did you go out with that arsehole?” Fili pressed, feeling warmth spreading through his chest.

Kili… Kili felt the same way. There was hope after all.

“The sex wasn’t bad,” the brunet shrugged. “And it was a good distraction.”

“Kili, you… could’ve told me!” Fili replied vigorously. Instead of letting such a prick come so close, Kili should’ve… he halted his thoughts. No…, no this wasn’t only Kili’s fault. “No, forget what I just said. I… could’ve told you, too.”

His friend stared at him.

“Wait… are you… are you saying you feel the same?” he sounded breathless and yet the hint of giddy joy was impossible to miss.

It dispelled the last doubts Fili’s worried mind was nursing.

“I do. I wanted to tell you when I broke up with my boyfriend, but then you had Al and I thought… well, it’s not important anymore.”

Kili seemed to agree, since he smiled shyly at him. Fili returned it.

Their confession followed an awkward silence, with neither of them knowing how to proceed. Fili didn’t want to come across pushy, for even though Kili hadn’t been in love with Al, the break-up couldn’t have happened in a more humiliating way.

Luckily the brunet found the courage to speak.

“So… uhm… how do we… I mean… do you want to hold hands for starters… uhm… maybe?”

It was strange to see Kili so unsure and yet Fili couldn’t help but feel a little flattered, knowing the other was this careful so he wouldn’t mess things up. Fili didn’t have to be asked twice, sliding his hand into Kili’s and squeezing it gently.

Kili gifted him one of the beautiful smiles Fili had fallen in love with so easily.

The beginning of their relationship couldn’t have started any sweeter.

 

 


	29. Kili is sick and Fili takes care of him

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was in need of some prompts for the Christmas event and [Silva_13](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Silva_13/pseuds/Silva_13) was so kind to help me out with one.  
> The prompt was: _Kili is sick and Fili takes care of him_
> 
> I hope you will like it!

 

 

Kili’s movements were sluggish, when he hopped into the car after stowing away his luggage in the boot. Fili wasn’t thinking much of it at first, his boyfriend had been away for a week and just had a trip of sixteen hours of train rides behind him, since the brunet was afraid of flying, and so it was to be expected that he wouldn’t look in the pink. And if Fili hadn’t been stuck in a meeting for too long and therefore forgotten his coat in the hurry, he would’ve waited for Kili at the platform instead of in the warm car and noticed sooner what was going on. As it was, though, he only realised when the other began to fumble with the seatbelt instead of greeting him. 

“Hey, are you alright?” he asked his boyfriend worriedly.

Kili looked up in that moment, revealing his pale skin and tired features, immediately causing Fili’s innards to twist with worry.

“Mh? Oh yeah,” Kili mumbled. “I think I’m coming down with a cold, is all.”

With the way he looked Fili didn’t believe he was coming down with one, rather that it was already hitting him with full force.

“Let’s get you home and into bed, then,” Fili decided, started the engine, flipped the indicator on and the car left the parking area.

The other hummed in agreement. Out of the corner of his eye, the blond noticed Kili holding his head. So there was a headache as well. As if Kili’s silent consent hadn’t been worrisome enough already. Although, that he hadn’t even went for a smooch was probably the most unusual. Sure, perhaps Kili didn’t want him to get sick, but considering how long they already knew each other this was very unlikely. When Kili got sick, he practically longed for Fili’s closeness to help him feel better. Which meant if Kili wasn’t acting like that at all, he had to be really, _really_ poorly.

During the drive Kili sniffed occasionally until Fili couldn’t listen to it anymore and began to dig blindly for a pack of tissues in the small shelf below the dashboard. Luckily the traffic wasn’t too bad so he could hand it to Kili once he found one.

His boyfriend thanked him quietly and blew his nose. Kili groaned.

“We are almost home,” he hoped to soothe the other, darting a worried glance at him.

“Yeah, I know,” Kili sounded equally annoyed as groggy and so Fili gave up with a sigh.

If he felt as bad as the brunet looked, Fili probably wouldn’t have been up for talking and responding either. So for the remaining minutes of the drive Fili decided to drive to the pharmacy once Kili was in bed and get some meds that would ease some of the other’s symptoms.

When they finally arrived at home, Kili staggered slightly as he got out. Fili quickly went around the car and hovered worriedly beside his boyfriend. Kili leaned willingly against him by the time Fili had enough of watching him like that and began to support him. He didn’t yet feel the heat of fever on his skin, but better safe than sorry and so while Kili struggled out of his boots and jeans, Fili fetched the thermometer and another pack of tissues.

Back in the bedroom Kili reached for it gratefully, blew his nose once again and groaned miserably afterwards. The sight of him made Fili’s heart ache. They had gotten to know each other in school, where they had also fallen in love and built a relationship that had been able to withstand every argument and occasional issue. And yet Fili had never seen the other this weak. He couldn’t help but wonder if it was perhaps the flu and not a simple cold and just wished there would’ve been a way to take over his symptoms if it just meant to spot Kili’s smile again, he’d missed for a week.

His boyfriend was already crawling under the blanket when Fili stopped him.

“Let’s take your temperature before.”

“I don’t have a fever,” Kili protested, but Fili was having none of it.

“It doesn’t hurt to check. Shall I make you tea in the meantime?”

Despite grimacing, the brunet accepted the thermometer willingly.

“No, I just wanna sleep.”

“Well, then let me get you a glass of water at least. You are sick and you need to drink enough.”

Kili’s answer was an unintelligible grunt, when Fili had enough of seeing his boyfriend fumble awkwardly with the thermometer, he pushed it between his lips before his love could protest. He shook his head with disbelief as he headed towards the kitchen to fetch the water as promised. By the time he returned and put it on the bedside cabinet the thermometer started beeping.

Squinting at the display at the same time as Kili, Fili sighed with relief. Just a temperature, not a fever. So that had to mean it wasn’t the flu. Fever was a typical symptom of it, wasn’t it? Either way it was reassuring, even though the brunet’s current appearance begged to differ. A couple of days of rest should help him recover, though.

“See, I’m fine,” Kili claimed.

Fili snorted at the stubborn expression darting over his boyfriend’s sickly features. It didn’t look believable at all, but the lack of fever and Kili’s stubbornness were reassuring. He might’ve been overly worried, but after not seeing the other for a week, their only contact consisting of texting and then facing him in such a state, he surely could be forgiven.

“Drink your water and catch some sleep,” he replied before gently taking the thermometer, sending his love a fond smile.

Luckily Kili did as he was told and snuggled into the blankets afterwards. It seemed to take some adjusting until he’d found the most comfortable position, but eventually the furrow of pain between his brows began to melt away and his breath to even out. He had to be truly exhausted to drift to sleep in such a short time.

Not waiting for very long, Fili headed back to the car – only after leaving a quick note on the fridge, of course – and drove towards the next pharmacy. Tea, nose drops and a bath additive to help with the cold, just everything he could think of that would help to ease Kili’s symptoms and turn the whole process of being sick into something less uncomfortable. The lady behind the counter suggested also some cough sweets that would work especially well on a sore throat and which Fili gladly added to the pile.

Once this was done he stopped at the next supermarket to stock up on their canned soups. A freshly cooked one would be certainly the better choice, but Fili had never been particularly talented with preparing chicken soup and the likes and therefore didn’t dare to buy a whole chicken.

Back at home he unloaded the car, unpacked Kili’s luggage, arranged the dirty clothes for the laundry and occasionally checked on the brunet. He was always sleeping deeply.

It wasn’t until late in the evening that the door to their bedroom suddenly opened and Kili padded towards the bathroom, bleary-eyed and still sickly pale. Fili got up from where he’d been sitting on the couch, with the door slightly ajar while reading a book, and walked over to the open-plan kitchen to turn the electric kettle on and opened one can of soup.

Kili was just leaving the bathroom again by the time the blond put the pot on the stove.

“Hey, come and sit down with me. I will heat up some soup and you can drink hot tea,” Fili called  while heading over to him.

Kili blinked.

“I’m not hungry. I just want to sleep some more.”

And he truly looked like he needed it and yet Fili gently took his hand and tugged him along. By the sound of his love’s voice his nose had to be completely blocked.

“I know, but you need to eat a little. I know you don’t eat much during trips, so don’t try to tell me otherwise. Besides, as I already told you, you need to drink enough if you want to get well again and I also got you some drops to help with the sniffles.”

The brunet huffed, but went willingly with him, flopping down on the couch and allowed Fili to wrap him into a blanket before fetching the nose drops and a pack of tissues. While Kili made use of them, Fili aired their bedroom.

Kili looked like a small bundle of misery, once Fili returned. It broke his heart to see him like that, to the point he had to calm himself, reminding his aching heart it was nothing but a cold, which would be over in a couple of days. Nevertheless he wound an arm around his love after handing him a cup of tea and a small bowl of soup.

They were finished off merely because of a sense of duty, but Fili didn’t particularly care what made his boyfriend eat and drink them, as long as he wasn’t refusing.

Kili leaned into his one-armed embrace with a whine, causing him to tighten the hold around him. Despite the brunet’s miserable state, a small smile wandered to Fili’s lips as he felt his boyfriend snuggle closer. It was the usual need for warmth and love that urged Kili to rest in his arms, telling Fili that the last hours of sleep had helped his boyfriend to improve enough to yearn for the blond’s alleviating hugs again.

And so Fili didn’t mind when Kili fell asleep in his hold while he gently stroked his hair and neither fidgeted nor complained by the time his back started to protest. As long as it helped Kili to get better, he would gladly pay any price.  

 

 


	30. Weatherman Kili

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was in need of some prompts for the Christmas event and [Vickymaus](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Vickymaus) was so kind to help me out with one.  
> The prompt was: _Kili starts working as a weatherman in the tv channel Fili always watches, and he develops a terrible crush on him. One day by pure chance, he sees him in the underground and they make eye contact for a brief moment (good kind of eye contact). What happens next (and when) is up to you :P_
> 
> I really hope you will like it!
> 
> **Special chapter warning: Smut!**

 

 

It began with eye contact, with one of the sorts Fili only read in books or saw in beautiful romantic shows about couples that shared their experiences with a reporter. It was one of those kinds where he forgot everything around him, only the presence of the other important, his eyes curious, warm and with a certain spark of excitement reflecting in them. They saw each other for the first time and knew that the other was special.

Well, no. That wasn’t completely true. Fili knew who he was, the brunet had just no idea whom he started slowly heading towards in the underground, set on beginning a conversation and exchanging phone numbers if the other turned out to be interested. He didn’t know Fili’s name, but the blond knew his. This was Kili Durin, a handsome young man with a smile that brightened his days every time the weather report was up.

Kili had started working as a weatherman some time ago. It was Fili’s favourite, the program was nice and the news refreshingly free of attention-grabbing. His demeanour was confident and charming, underlined by a beautiful deep voice. It went without saying that Fili developed a crush in no time.

Spotting him in the underground he had to look twice to make sure he wasn’t dreaming and then contemplated for a couple of seconds if it would look weird, if he asked for a photo. But whatever sorts of signals he must’ve sent with his gaze, Fili thanked everyone willing to listen for his unbelievable luck. For wasn’t that a dream, the person one was crushing on, the _famous_ – at least in Fili’s opinion – person, coming over for a chat and suggesting meeting for a date? Fili felt as if he was in heaven.

He didn’t mess up their conversation, instead of sounding creepy he managed to casually mention he’d already seen Kili on TV und the brunet seemed utterly flattered, when Fili complimented his good work. They clicked instantly and so it went without saying that they would meet again.

And indeed, just a couple of dates later they found each other in a relationship that didn’t skip any point between soft and passionate. Fili turned into a well-known face backstage at the TV channel, often picking Kili up from work since the address of the channel was right on the blond’s way home.

Today, though, he had a different reason to show up at Kili’s office, where the brunet could be found when he didn’t have to appear on screen for the next weather report. It was Fili’s day off and Kili’s lunch break just in a couple of minutes away, half an hour, hopefully enough time to give a little payback for the choice of Kili’s clothes today.

The young weatherman was aware what that particularly shirt combined with those trousers did to Fili. The blond had barely been able to suppress his body’s interest, preventing a very embarrassing moment by a whisker, while the maintenance man read the meters in his flat. Kili had known the guy would be here today, had known what an effect his choice of clothing had on Fili and that the blond usually had the news on during that time of the day when he was at home. Besides, Kili was a terrible tease, everything else than intent wasn’t realistic. After all, why else would the brunet roll up the sleeves of his light blue shirt, flaunting his olive skin and hairy arms, or leave two buttons undone to allow everyone a small glimpse at his hairy chest. Let alone that this piece of clothing was the perfect symbiosis between soft and smooth - underlining Kili’s well-built body - and not too tight. That certainly wasn’t something Fili would take just like that. If Kili could tease him like this, he could also deal with the consequences.

And sure enough, when Fili entered Kili’s office, after greeting some of the weatherman’s colleagues that were already heading towards the cafeteria, the brunet watched him close the door behind him with a smirk.

“Oh, Fili, I didn’t expect to see you so soon,” the smile on his features widened, telling the blond that Kili was lying and having fun with it.

“I’m sure you didn’t,” Fili replied, feeling his mouth go dry at the sight Kili displayed. The almost cocky confidence only added to this attractive picture.

Fili had been aware that a good deal of self-confidence was important to work in such a business, but before he’d started going out with Kili, he hadn’t realised how desirable such a trait could appear in a person. From what his boyfriend had told him, there were many relationships that hadn’t worked out in the past. Luckily for them, though, Fili wasn’t shy either, able to take on Kili’s astounding personality and balance it with his own.

With that thought in mind, Fili crossed the distance that still separated them, seeing the brunet shiver at whatever he spotted on Fili’s face, and placed his hands possessively on Kili’s hips. He tilted his head, leaning closer until he was able to hear the weatherman’s low breathing, only stopping when his lips almost brushed over the other’s external ear.

“Is it safe here?”

“They are all having lunch, but… it might smell,” Kili said hoarsely, pressing closer to Fili until there was barely any room left between them.

Heat was surging through Fili’s system, informing him that he was only one methodical roll of Kili’s hip away from feeling his cock stirring. They seemed slotted together, as if they weren’t two different people anymore and it was merely due to Kili’s warning words that he didn’t take the brunet right then and there.

“The lavatory, then,” he breathed and Kili nodded eagerly.

Together they made their way to the toilets. No one saw them and the bathroom was also blissfully empty. They stumbled into one of the stalls, locking it behind them while kissing heatedly. With Kili’s arms wrapped around him, Fili pressed him against one of the walls.

Fili moaned into the kiss, the way Kili grinded against him making his skin tingle pleasantly. His cock was beginning to harden steadily, his arousal merely growing by the feeling of Kili’s erection rubbing against his through the fabric of their trousers. The brunet was panting heavily, when Fili abandoned his boyfriend’s mouth in favour of sucking at his neck.

“No love bites,” Kili groaned, although he wasn’t particularly fighting against Fili’s work, “or Tauriel is going to kill me.”

Kili’s make-up artist had complained quite often, since the two of them had become a couple, and so Fili reluctantly complied and rather met the other’s lips for a sloppy kiss. It was hard to contain his desire, when the feeling of Kili’s body against his and the delicious sounds leaving his throat sent fire through Fili’s veins.

Sliding a hand between them, Fili slowly unbuttoned their trousers, just to let his finger dive deeper, freeing their erections from their prisons of fabric. Kili hissed into his mouth at the unexpected but welcome touch, while his tongue caressed Fili’s clumsily. It was a part of him Fili loved, how Kili lost himself in the pleasure, forgetting his rhythm and setting a new one that was awkward and clumsy, but just as erotic in its unskilled way, since the blond knew it was _him_ , turning the brunet into such a mess.

Grasping both of their erections, the kiss began to stutter, both of them overwhelmed by the sudden tightness of Fili’s hand clamping around them. This time it was Kili’s turn to mouth at Fili’s neck. He knew no reservations, biting and sucking until Fili moaned from three different sensations when the brunet’s hand slid to his bottom and started to knead his arse teasingly. There was no lubrication, so the other didn’t dare to dip into different regions, but it was enough to drive Fili wild as he pumped them steadily.

A slick sound began to accompany the pace of his hand as they slowly tumbled closer to completion. Kili’s nibbles turned into uncoordinated licks and kiss, with an occasional wave of hot, humid air hitting his neck, while the pleasure seemed to boil within Fili.

“Fili,” Kili panted softly, his voice barely reaching the blond’s ears. “Fili, stop.”

And then the fingers that had been busy at his arse, pressed against his chest, splaying wide, and resting right above his rapidly pounding heart.

Fili had a hard time focussing on anything with his hardness, throbbing and heavy and screaming for release.

“I need my clothes to stay clean,” Kili explained, the words slurring together. He looked dazzled and certainly shivered from the same strikes of pleasure that shot through Fili as well.

But he was right and even the blond in his horny state could see the reason behind his words. The sweat stains would dry and be mostly invisible, the same couldn’t be said for other body fluids. Although, why Kili had initiated all of this in the first place then, Fili couldn’t tell. Nevertheless, he nodded.

“Come on, turn around,” his boyfriend said, tugging at him gently and slowly he went along with it.

Just for the breath to halt in his throat, when Kili’s hand now grasped his cock, setting a rhythm that had him sinking against the weatherman’s body. The brunet wound an arm around him, holding him without much trouble and began to pepper his neck with little kisses. The pace not once ceasing, Kili stroked him until Fili was finally able to spill.

When his orgasm hit him, Fili had to bite on his bottom lip to keep the obscene set of moans inside. They were still at Kili’s working place after all and needed to be careful. He enjoyed the warm and solid form of the other man against him, feeling the aftershocks ripple through him and hummed contently, once his legs had stopped trembling and seemed as if they were up for carrying his full weight again.

He cleaned up most of the mess with toilet paper, before carefully separating himself from his boyfriend. Adjusting he trousers, Fili darted a mischievous glance at the other. Bridging the little distance between them once again, he pecked the brunet softly onto the lips and then he was already getting on his knees.

“Your turn,” he whispered, blowing air to the head of Kili’s cock and luring a low moan from his lips.

Fili knew that Kili wouldn’t have minded to leave it at that and wait until the evening to have his share and enjoy it to the fullest, but that didn’t really seem fair to Fili.

Without a warning he closed his lips around his boyfriend’s length, inhaling his enticing scent. Kili’s hand clutched the blond strands on instinct as soon as Fili began to bob his head. Laborious breathing escaped Kili’s lips, his mouth had to hang wide open by the sound of it, which caused Fili to grin with satisfaction. The other had been close to begin with, but his unrelenting pace pushed him towards the edge with every passing second.

It was never supposed to take long, Kili’s lunch break would be over soon enough and so, when he felt the hand in his hair tighten, Fili pulled back until he could lick over Kili’s slit.

He was rewarded with a burst of taste not a heartbeat later and swallowed the brunet’s load readily. Kili, meanwhile, seemed to have forgotten how to breathe. No sound was leaving his lips, which was a brilliant achievement, considering how loud his boyfriend usually was in the bedroom.

Only when his cock was finally soft again, Kili granted himself a deep, single heave of relief, all the air he had kept inside escaping at once. It was so full of pleasure, it sounded almost as delightful as his moans and screams, drawing a fond smile to Fili’s lips.

The blond pressed a kiss to Kili’s hipbone, before pulling the pants back in place, buttoning them up right afterwards.

His boyfriend smiled like an imp, whose best prank had turned out to be a success, by the time Fili got up again. He snorted at the sight, pressing a brief kiss to Kili’s lips.

“That was great,” the brunet beamed at him.

Fili chuckled. “It was pretty amazing, yeah.”

“Dinner tonight at my place?”

“With pleasure.”

 

 

 


	31. Safe

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If I remember correctly some of you, who have read my story [Together Or Not At All](http://archiveofourown.org/works/8358190) wanted to see some fluff happening in this 'verse. I don't know if it's enough to satisfy your wishes, but hope you will enjoy it nonetheless.

 

 

In the end it took three days, three very long days, without Kili’s smile and the warm twinkle in eyes. The infection was a raging monster, the fever devouring the man he loved and for the first two days Oin feared that he couldn't save the leg, that it had to come off in order to keep Kili in the world. But then the antibiotics kicked in and Oin was satisfied. In Fili’s opinion the wound still looked horrible, if a doctor claimed otherwise, though, who was Fili to deny it?

Nevertheless he felt a pounding headache on the third day, his back stiff and sore from staying at Kili’s bedside, while some of the company sat with him for a while each day. It was their way of getting to know him and Fili appreciated the gesture. Braga, Alfrid and the remaining men of their last group had never made such an effort. It was a thought that filled him with hope. It seemed like the others had already accepted them and were keen on making this work. This was how it was supposed to be. Support and friendship would help them to survive in this terrible world.

In that time Fili noticed that he liked Ori’s calm nature the most. The young man would sit with him, not particularly trying to lure him into a conversation, while the blond was busy to stroke over a feverish brow, and rather read to them. This place had an enormous stock of books and various other stuff. It was the only reason Kili was still alive. He couldn’t swallow water or pills, but the infusion provided him with everything necessary to survive.

During one of Oin’s check-ups Fili learned Thorin’s company lived in an old military base, equipped perfectly for all sorts of scenarios. At first the group had been small, with just Thorin, Dwalin, Balin, Oin and Gloin and their families residing in the hidden bunker. With time they had accepted more people, first Ori and his brothers, then Bofur and his brother and cousin and now it was Fili and Kili’s turn.

For three long days Kili was all he cared for, although to be completely honest that wasn’t the truth, ever since they had to run away, Kili had been all he cared for. Fili ate when he was brought food, gave quiet monosyllabic answers, if he was asked something, while trying to listen when the other men told him stories about their lives here, not once leaving Kili without comfort. A brush of his lips to a heated forehead, fingers wandering through hair becoming oilier with every day it wasn’t washed, holding his hand or blowing warm air rhythmically against fingertips.

And then, finally, after days of waiting, worrying and pleading silently for Kili’s survival, the brunet opened his eyes. It started with a muffled groan, with a furrow appearing between his brows and a twitch wandering through fingers. Fili was leaning over him as soon as the first soft sound reached his ears, waiting patiently for his friend to begin blinking.

Fili squeezed his hand and almost sobbed with relief when Kili squeezed back. Fili’s vision turned blurry, stretching out his other hand and letting it come to a rest at the brunet’s cheek. There his thumb tenderly began to stroke over Kili’s cheekbone. The other’s lids fluttered softly.

“Yes, that’s it,” Fili whispered affectionately. “Open your eyes for me, please.”

Kili frowned.

“Fili,” he slurred, as if his tongue had to get used to the taste of words again.

“Yes,” Fili’s voice quivered slightly. “Yes, it’s me. Please, look at me.”

It seemed to be an immense effort, but eventually Kili squinted up at him. A look of confusion darted over his face.

“You look terrible.”

A laugh of relief burst out of the blond’s throat.

“You should see yourself,” he teased him softly. “How are you? Feeling any pain?”

Along with the antibiotics Kili received a great amount of painkillers as well, but Fili couldn’t estimate how long they would work. He felt his friend shake his head carefully against his hand, a motion that dispelled the worst of the blond’s worries in a heartbeat.

“Where are we?”

“We were found by a very kind group. They have given you medicine to help with the infection.”

At his words Kili braced himself against the mattress to look around curiously, just to flop back down a few moments later, his body too weak to bear his weight just yet.

“Easy, Kili,” Fili breathed with a new sense of dread wandering through him. After everything Kili had been through, the last he needed was to injure himself further.

“And,” Kili swallowed with difficulty, causing Fili to let go of the brunet’s hand to reach for a glass of water, “they can be trusted?”

Helping his friend to sit up, he guided the glass to his lips. Kili drank so slowly it was painful to listen to.

“Yes, I think so. They had no reason to help us. Could’ve killed us instead, but decided to help us, despite their own low supplies on antibiotics.”

By the time the glass was empty, the brunet was completely out of breath. It pained Fili to see him like this, but he tried to remind himself that this was a step towards recovery. He wasn’t lying completely unresponsive on the mattress anymore. Kili was talking with him. It was already an amazing progress.

Fili waited until Kili had caught his breath, ere he wasn’t able to contain the feelings of relief and happiness anymore and leaned over him.

“What… what are you doing?” Kili stammered, when Fili was merely a few inches away from pressing his lips to Kili’s.

Fili frowned. Did the brunet still believe everything to be just a feverish dream? If so, it was high time the blond informed him about the reality.

“Don’t you remember what you told me?” There was a spark of hope in the fearful dark orbs. “Don’t you remember what I confessed right after it?”

Kili’s lips began to quiver, eyes turning red-rimmed. Fili couldn’t fault him, he was overwhelmed by a similar wave of emotion, when it finally sank in that Kili wouldn’t go anywhere now, that he wasn’t going to leave him alone in this terrible world.

“I thought… I thought it was-“

“Shh,” Fili silenced him gently. “It was no dream.”

Their lips met, chapped against smooth, hot against warm. Soft... so soft. There was desperation in this innocent small touch, but it didn’t taste like that at all. To Fili it tasted sweet and hopeful and as if they had both found their way home. 

 

 


	32. Professor AU

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So [Vickymaus](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Vickymaus) and I did a little prompt exchange for an AU we have both fallen in love with, in this Kili is a young prof and Fili a student, and this is my fill for her prompt:
> 
>  
> 
> _first kiss and some before and/or after_
> 
>  
> 
> I hope I could do your prompt justice! :3

 

 

Fili was enjoying the chat with professor Durin, which wasn’t surprising with the crush he was nursing, although in truth, it had probably already become much more than this. Ever since stepping into the lecture hall and learning what made this man so popular, Fili could feel himself falling. How could he not, though? The other was not only ridiculously handsome, he also had an understanding of the world most students were lacking, let alone that his intellect wasn’t any less attractive. It was easy to follow his lecture. With some docents it was obvious that they loved their subject, but they weren’t able to sell it to their students. Professor Durin was different. His enthusiasm was palpable in every word, his eyes sparkling with love for astronomy, fascinating every soul listening to him.

Fili was glad Sigrid had urged him to attend this class for the general qualifications he had to do in order to finish his study. Having no knowledge of astronomy was the perfect excuse to engage into lively conversations with the brunet, an option he used as often as possible. Moments like those told him that the professor wasn’t only a pleasant teacher, but also a very kind person. He never got tired of answering Fili’s questions, even if it caused him to show up late to his next lecture. He lived for his work and students and the blond admired the passion the brunet put into his job. Such an attitude was the reason why he’d decided to study, despite working in the company of his uncle for years, after all.

Besides, the blond wasn’t a young easily blinded man anymore. Looking at his career and private life he had achieved quite a lot. Fili was able to tell, if someone enjoyed his company, something he had learned early on while dealing with all sorts of clients and to which dating had just added the rest. Those experiences could tell him now that the other man wouldn’t be completely aversed to getting to know him better.  The way his eyes would linger on Fili during the lectures, how he’d looked at him, when they had met by chance at the fair in the city some weeks ago and how he just spoke a little more casual with him than with anyone else. All those little things were giving him hope.

And yet, Fili prepared himself to say good-bye to the professor – how great it had to feel to call him by his first name – at the entrance to the building. The brunet would head towards the bus stop, whereas Fili would turn to the parking area.

The sky had looked grey all day, but by now it was pouring down, the sound of the rain almost deafening on the asphalt. Fili, as good prepared as possible, pulled his umbrella from his backpack, immediately noticing that his professor eyed the weather with a sourly expression. It was then that he realised the other probably hadn’t thought of taking one along. With the current downpour the bus shelter had to be bursting on top of everything else, with all the students that hadn’t thought of bringing an umbrella to the university with them as well. The brunet would be soaked in no time.

“Can I give you a lift?” Fili asked as he opened the umbrella.

Surprise darted to the younger man’s features.

“Oh, no it’s fine. I think I will manage. You surely have to get to your next lecture anyway.”

“Actually,” Fili replied with a grin. “I’m done for the day and I really wouldn’t mind the detour. Besides, the weather is terrible and I would hate to miss one of your lectures because you got sick.”

Fili knew that the last sentence was a risky approach, but one worth taking, considering the cheeky smirk that wandered to the Durin’s lips, causing Fili’s heart to skip a beat at the sight.

“Well, in that case,” the young professor said, the answer unfinished, although not in need of further explanation.

The smile Fili displayed merely grew. Together they huddled under his umbrella, heading for the blond’s car, both breathing a sigh of relief once they had escaped the terrible weather for the moment.

“So, where can I take you?” Fili asked him, fastening his seat belt, while the brunet’s gaze wandered over the dashboard curiously, from the technological frills to the fancy radio and the screen it was connected to.

It was an expensive car Fili’s uncle had pretty much forced onto him. He’d never been particularly happy with his nephew's motorcycle and wanted to have his company represented in a classy manner. In the end Fili had agreed after a long argument and now he had to admit that he loved the heated seats during the cold winter months. Besides, a car was better suited for such weather.

Durin gave him the address and Fili almost chuckled. That wasn’t going to be a detour. It was a byroad he drove past on his way to the university every day. Although…

“That’s not on the campus,” Fili said.

“Seems like you are not the only one, who is finished for the day,” the professor replied teasingly and it suddenly felt as if he wasn’t talking to a student anymore, but to one of his friends.

Warmth spread through Fili’s chest at the realisation.

“So, how come you are studying here at your age?” Durin wondered, when they left the parking area.

“At my age?” he scoffed incredulously. “I’m thirty-three and not an old fart, you know?”

The other giggled sheepishly.

“Bad choice of words,” he defended himself. “But with a car like this it seems you have given up on a good job for a place that offers deadline nightmares. Not such a good exchange, if you ask me.”

The car stopped at a red light, allowing him to cast a small smile at the professor. Fili would’ve loved to have such a conversation face to face, to see how his words would change the other’s features, if his eyes would gleam just the same way they did when he was teaching, drowning in beaming expressions that could turn his world upside-down. The traffic was terrible at this time at the day, however, and so Fili had to focus on the street. The pleasant and even sound of the brunet’s voice wasn’t any less encouraging, though.

“Yeah, I guess the deadlines are terrible and often none of the professors are aware of the expectations of the examination office, which is so annoying when you just want to turn in your papers and projects, but it gives me the opportunity to do what I love. I’ve worked an office job for over ten years and it never felt fulfilling. With geology it feels like I’m finally where I always wanted to be. It took me a long time to figure out that this is what I wanted to do, but now that I’m here I love it.”

And if someone would be able to understand his reasons, it was the man in the passenger seat. Not only was his way of teaching revealing it during every lecture, his career was also a good indicator. To become the holder of a chair in planetology in the astronomy sector of the university at such a young age spoke of devotion and love for this subject.

“Oh, you study geology?” the professor gasped with surprise. “How come you strayed into my lecture?”

The light turned green.

“It’s for the general qualification branch of my study and your lectures were highly recommended to me by a fellow student.”

Out of the corner of his eye, Fili was able to see the brunet blush. The sight of it was so adorable Fili had to force himself to stay focussed on the street.

“That was most kind,” Durin replied, obviously lost for words.

“So, what’s your story?” Fili asked, saving his professor from the awkward situation of trying to find a better response.

The rain slowly began to cease.

“Oh, it’s a boring story, to be honest. My parents got divorced pretty early on and my dad went stargazing with me every other weekend. He wouldn’t tell my mum anything, because she didn’t want me to stay up so late, so it was a secret between us. Sometimes he would take me to an observatory and it was just magical and fascinating. All those stars... I always wondered what was going on on them, if they were like our earth or completely different. I made up stories I told my father and he was always so excited that I just wanted to figure out what was really happening up there. And so I kinda stumbled into it over the years.”

Fili smiled as he turned right. The street the brunet lived in was a quiet one with barely any traffic. The houses were old and huge, but beautiful in their architecture, although not in the slightest as special as the young man’s story. It was sweet and encouraging with a father that loved his son and supported him in every way. Fili imagined a little boy, standing at the top of a hill, using a telescope to watch the stars and felt a deep sense of admiration washing over him. Following his dreams, from such a young age on, wasn’t something many succeeded with. It was special, just like everything about Kilian Durin.

“Why work for the university, though? What stopped you from becoming an astronaut?” Fili wanted to know, driving more slowly so he wouldn’t miss the right house number.

“It’s restrictive, I guess. Sure, research is important, but it would never offer me the same knowledge I’ve already collected. I want to know more about everything out there. I can’t be stuck in space, with no prospect of ever visiting the planets I want to. That’s frustrating, and while the pictures and samples an orbiter gathers aren’t like actually _being_ there, it offers so much more. This and the university gives me lots of freedom to do my research.”

Fili hummed sympathetically and nodded, stopping the car in front of the brunet’s house. It was a semi-detached building with its own little garden and almost looked invisible next to the row of old houses lining the street.

With the car halting next to the pavement, he turned off the engine.

“No, that makes totally sense,” Fili replied. “With the current technology both fields have their limits, but working as a professor offers you the things that are most important to you.”

A drop of rain here and there was still falling to the ground, the grey sky indicated it wouldn’t stay dry for very long, though.

When their gazes met, Fili spotted a beaming smile on Durin’s features, one of those contagious rays of light able to raise the corners of his mouth as well. It wasn't hard to smile with the professor, to laugh with him, to engage into meaningful conversations like they had just done on the way here. The sincerity in everything he did made it easy to like him.

“Thank you for taking me home.”

“It was no trouble at all.”

They both were aware that this was the time for the young professor to get out, to say good-bye to Fili until they saw each other in the next lecture. But something stopped him, something that had him mesmerised to point he wasn’t able to look away. These precious seconds fuelled his suspicion once again and Fili couldn’t have this moment pass by just like that. He swallowed, the sound of it almost deafening in his ears, making him wonder how the brunet could miss it.

Then Fili was leaning forward and for a heartbeat he was hit by the fear that this was a horrible mistake, that he couldn’t go through with it, since it would jeopardise everything he longed for. Before he was able to back down, however, the other moved as well, tilting his head slightly to meet Fili halfway.

He closed his eyes when their lips connected, drowning in the gentle feeling. His heart was pounding furiously in his chest with excitement, sending a wave of happiness through his system. The brunet’s lips felt so incredibly soft on his and Fili savoured the sensation. There was a taste of sweetness to it, interwoven with the gentleness of a kind soul. Fili couldn’t say anymore when a kiss had ever tasted this perfect.

On instinct his hand reached for Durin’s cheek, searching for hold in the hopes of deepening the kiss. When his fingertips brushed the faint stubbles the spell was suddenly broken and the brunet pulled back with a shocked gasp.

The abrupt ending had Fili a little dazed, but he sobered fast at the look of horror crossing the younger man’s features. His head had trouble interpreting the quick succession of events. First the kiss, the other seemed to seek just with the same desire Fili had, and now his expression, which couldn’t be further away from the feeling that had just embraced the blond.

He frowned.

“Kilian?” he asked him carefully, assuming switching to the first name was appropriate after what had just happened between them.

The brunet stared at him as if he just got aware of his presence again. He looked pale and it worried Fili deeply. There was no time to add anything else, for the young professor reached already for the door of the car, averting his gaze.

“We should… we should talk…,” Kili said, clearly at a loss, and heaved a deep sigh. “Come inside, I will make some tea and we…” He couldn’t bring himself to finish the sentence, just got out of the car and hurried to the front door of his house, leaving Fili alone and confused.

It had seemed like all of his dreams had come true and now…, now Fili wasn’t able to tell what might happen. Kili had to return his feelings, otherwise he would’ve never so willingly leaned into the kiss. This hadn’t been all him, the brunet played his part in it as well. Despite all of that, here he sat, in his silent car, gaze slowly turning towards the open entrance door.

Eventually the blond got out, following the young professor inside. The interior spoke just as much of Durin’s love for the space, as the young man himself. In the living room he spotted bookshelves filled with volumes about planets, stars and astrophysics. The wall carried an image of the solar system and the calendar close to the door wasn’t used as a reminder for birthdays, but instead for the crucial travel points of orbiters.

For a while he curiously looked around, the nervousness returned far sooner than he would’ve liked, however. Like an itch he couldn’t scratch away and the younger man took his sweet time to join him in the living room. In the end Fili couldn’t take it any longer and followed the sounds until he found the kitchen.

The brunet was busy with making tea.

“What did you want to talk about?” Fili demanded to know, unable to stand the distant silence.

Kili seemed to shrink at his words, shoulder’s hunching, but not turning around to meet his gaze.

“I’m making some tea and then we can talk.”

“I don’t care about the tea! Talk to me now!”

The other sighed again, finally deciding to look at Fili. With his folded arms and the concerned expression, though, he didn’t look like the happy young man anymore that had caught Fili’s eyes. It pained the blond to see him like this.

“This kiss never happened,” Kili told him dismissively.

A punch wouldn’t have hurt any less. At first Fili didn’t know how to reply, was just staring at the brunet with lids widening and tried to process what was going on.

“What do you mean?” he managed eventually.

“This…, this thing between us… it can’t be. So we need to forget about the kiss. Perhaps it would also be better if you don’t talk to me anymore if it isn’t important for the lecture.”

If the outcome of a simple kiss wouldn’t have him so dumbfounded, with his heartbeat racing his fast breathing, Fili might be able to figure out why things were taking such a turn for the worse. As it was, however, he only felt as if he was burning, nausea was sitting in his stomach at the open rejecting.

They had just… they had just kissed, they were getting along well… this wasn’t making any sense!

“You kissed me back. Don’t tell me you didn’t like it!” Fili hissed.

“Of course I liked it! That’s the problem!” the brunet exclaimed.

Fili blinked with confusion.

“Then why-“

“Because you are my student! I can’t get involved with you in such a way! It’s wrong! It’s immoral!”

“Kilian-“

“It’s professor Durin for you!” the remark was so sharp Fili was surprised the other didn’t start spitting blood.

The shock he was feeling must’ve been visible on his face, for Kili’s grimaced.

“It could risk my job,” he added a little more gentle.

“At the moment I only see you risking your happiness,” Fili replied.

Of course he understood where Kili was coming from. Seeing him lose his job was the last Fili wanted, the way he looked at the blond, though, showed him how difficult it was for him to make this decision. He shouldn’t be forced to choose between his work and his private life. This wasn’t fair and Fili wouldn’t accept it. Besides, the selfish part inside him didn’t want to let go of the young professor either.

“No one has to know.”

A mixture of surprise and shock wandered to Kili’s features.

“What?” he gasped.

“I’m not asking you to choose between your job and me. I’m not asking you to tell anyone what’s between us. I’m old enough to know that things suck sometimes and that there isn’t a satisfying way to go about it. The only thing I ask of you is to give this a chance. I know you like me and I like you and I’m ready to do this the way that makes you most comfortable, just don’t throw this away.”

They were both grown men and Fili had always thought poorly of the restraints that forbid some people to be in a relationship. As long as it wasn’t used to gain certain advantages or clouded judgements when it came to job decisions there was nothing wrong with love. Besides, it wasn’t like Fili could even gain anything through a relationship with the young professor. His lecture was part of the blond’s general qualifications, to pass it only his presence in the lectures was required. Kili wasn’t a professor, whose marks he needed to graduate.

For a while the brunet was deep in thought, probably weighing up the pros and cons. At last he raised his gaze and his expression filled Fili with much more hope than the one prior.

“You really mean it?” he carefully pressed.

The blond nodded.

“I don’t expect any open declarations of love, I just want a chance and besides, I’m not going to be a student forever. Please, just let’s give it a try. If we notice it doesn’t work we can still stop.”

Fili had already waited too long to quit his job, had spent a good deal of his life unhappy and never wanted to do the same mistake again. Waiting had never done him any favours.  

The brunet took a deep breath, ere he unfolded his arms. The tension drained from his shoulders at the same time as a small smile crept to his lips.

“Okay,” he whispered. “Under one condition, though.”

“Whatever you want,” Fili promised him, feeling the nausea trickle away. His heartbeat stayed as fast as it had before, this time, however, it came from a spark of excitement and relief attacking him.

“In private you will call me Kili. My colleagues call me Kilian and I can’t stand it.”

“I can do that,” Fili chuckled, bridging the little distance between them.

This time Kili didn’t pull away when Fili reached for his cheek, instead he leaned into the touch and gladly met the blond in another kiss.

 

 


	33. You’re my Arkenstone

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Beginning with this chapter I'm going to upload my fills for the WinterFRE here as well.
> 
> Fill for the prompt 10. You're my Arkenstone.
> 
>  
> 
> WARNING: Sibling Incest

 

 

Fíli barely listened when his uncle ordered them to search for the Arkenstone. Instead his eyes wandered to his brother, leaning against a column and trying to appear as if it wasn’t to keep the weight off his bad leg. Kíli had a habit of belittling his own needs in order to appear grown. It made him look only younger in his mere need to prove himself and he cursed Thorin for putting these thoughts into Kíli’s head since they had been called  _the heir and the spare_  for the first time. Granted, their uncle had never used those words himself, but he’d never done anything to stop them.

So when the other’s got to work in the huge hall filled with what seemed to be endless mountains of treasures, Fíli marched to his brother’s side and pulled him along wordlessly. The confusion was obvious in the brown, wide orbs, but Kíli was smart enough to wait with questions until they were out of sight and earshot.

“Where are we going? We are supposed to look for the Arkenstone,” Kíli protested meekly, but stumbled along instead of fighting against the blond’s grip.

It encouraged Fíli in his decision, knowing that the archer would be less compliant if he was feeling well.

They came to a halt in an old bathing chamber the other members of the company had shown them right after their arrival. They were supposed to clean up, but in Thorin’s madness they were already lucky to be given the time to get out of the too wide clothes the men of the lake had handed them.

“You are in pain,” he replied, wandering over to the lever and pulled. The system of dwarven craftsmanship had been old and unused for decades, like their companion had promised, though, it was still in good shape. Fíli smiled as the hot water began to fill the huge basin carved into the stone. Dozens of dwarves would be able to bath here at the same time, but the young dwarf was glad for the current privacy. “Your leg is still giving you trouble and if you don’t start taking a break, it will take its toll. You need to let it heal, brother.”

Returning to Kíli’s side he spotted the tiredness on young features only he was allowed to see, when the two of them were alone.

“We will take a long bath and you will give your muscles time to relax,” Fíli decided and before Kíli was able to refuse, pulled his own shirt off.

The brunet’s eyes wandered on instant to the golden curls covering Fíli’s chest.

“But the Arkenstone,” he countered weakly, not trying to push his brother’s hands away when the young prince began to untie the laces of Kíli’s tunic.

“Uncle might not be well, but even he has to admit that you aren’t of help during the search if you don’t let your leg heal. The Arkenstone can wait.”

A hunt for glory and adventures, taking back a kingdom of old, all those stories they had grown up with and which had shaped them into the men they were today. It now made it hard to see reason, to let go of dreams and expectations. The struggle was visible on Kíli’s weary face while Fíli undressed them both gently.

Once the task was done, Fíli inspected his brother’s leg, taking his hands only after making sure it was healing as good as it could with barely a minute of rest since Smaug’s attack on Laketown and guided the younger into the pool with its waiting hot water. Kíli groaned as it hit his aching limbs and Fíli couldn’t claim he felt any different. While he hadn’t been wounded the long travel had taken its toll on his body as well.

“Are you sure, though?” Kíli wondered. The water was just reaching his hip and he didn’t look like he wanted to sink into it completely before he hadn’t received his answer. “Don’t you want to see it? It’s part of your heritage?”

Fíli simply smiled as he shook his head. He pulled his brother into his arms, gazing at him with love and adoration.

“I don’t need to see it. I’ve found it long ago.” The lack of understanding on the archer’s features was adorable and caused the smile on his lips to grow at seeing the frown on Kíli’s brow.

Leaning forward he captured the brunet’s lips in a tender kiss that made Kíli’s eyes sparkle with contentment and affection.

“You are my Arkenstone,” Fíli whispered against his lips. Kíli’s breath ghosting over skin felt as hot and humid as the water embracing them.

The familiar smile that spread not only to the younger’s lips, but also his eyes, was still more beautiful than every gem the earth could bear. It made Fíli fall in love with him over and over again.

“I love you,” Kíli murmured, the words almost swallowed by another kiss.

 

 


	34. Naked skin in front of the lens

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fill for prompt 67. Naked skin in front of the lens.

 

 

Fili checked the light for the last time, adjusted the position of the chair standing in the middle of his studio and felt a sense of nervousness and excitement wander through his system. This kind of project wasn’t completely new, even though the last time was dated some years back when he’d been single and lived in another city. It was also not the first time he was going to use his camera on his most wonderful subject, but so far they had both been dressed for such occasions.

The door was pushed open and Kili entered, wearing a bathrobe and a smug smile on his lips. Lasciviously he leaned against the doorframe and sent a challenging glance into Fili’s direction. A laugh was drawn from the blond.

“What the hell are you doing?” he asked bemused. “We are not in some kind of kitschy romance movie that expects you to seduce me.”

The alluring expression melted from the brunet’s features. With a stagy sigh he pushed away from the frame and marched to the couch in the back of the studio.

“Spoil sport,” he said as he slipped out of the bathrobe.

He returned shamelessly to Fili’s side and inspected the grey background and the single chair.

“Black and white?” Kili wondered.

Fili nodded. “Yep.”

They shared a glance, smiling like two young boys at each other that were planning the greatest mischief. In a way that was probably true. Kili would be part of Fili’s next exhibition, his surprise to the present guests. So far he’d studied the curves of a female body and people had loved the sensual images he could create with them. Always doing the same got boring after a while, though and so this time he wanted it to be a man. Not just some man, however.

Kili leaned forward to connect their lips in a brief but sweet kiss, ere he marched towards the chair.

“Well,” he smirked, “how do you want me?”

Fili pondered about it for a second and then they were already working. Despite Kili’s silly nature he was a professional when Fili began to take the first pictures, asking when the position the photographer voiced wasn’t quite clear enough and allowing his boyfriend to adjust the angle of hands and legs if they weren’t quite like Fili wanted.

Fili lost himself in the beautiful image the man he loved created. Discovered new sights on a body he’d thought to know just as well as his own. The display of light, naked skin and body hair painted a picture of utter perfection. Quite a few times he found a strange sense of possession rising up within him, demanding that those photographs shouldn’t be shared, that they were only for him to be admired. But the other part inside of him, the proud part, wanted to show the world how blessed he was with a beauty in soul and appearance returning his feelings.

And so the lens continued its way. Wandered over strong calves and soft thighs, capturing the curve of his arse and the arch in his back, finding a beautiful drawing in the way Kili’s chest hair lined his nipples and caught the strength of muscles and a stubbly jaw.

It was a session tumbling between professionalism and erotic, the flush visible on his beloved’s face informing him about the impact Fili’s fascination with Kili’s body had on him. Fili couldn’t claim he felt any other way.

Somehow they managed to finish every picture for the blond’s project without any major disturbance and if this only worked out because they made love in the blinding light of the spotlights right after the last picture was taken, then no one really had to know.

 

 


	35. “If I cut my hair, will you leave me?”

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fill for prompt 62. “If I cut my hair, will you leave me?”
> 
> or with other words, something that turned into a Tangled AU.

 

 

The sun was slowly peeking over the horizon, soon ready to grant the world its warm rays again, until then the glowing embers had to suffice, however. Kili didn’t feel cold, despite the shaking in his limbs. He was nervous, his heart pounding furiously in his chest with the upcoming fear of what the new day would bring, sending an unbearable heat through every fibre of his being.

Next to him Fili slept, oblivious to the battle going on within him. Kili couldn’t fault him, his friend had fought like a lion to free him from Smaug’s clutches and Kili couldn’t be more grateful. After all, he hadn’t only found his freedom in the process, but also his first love. But now that he was free of the man that had stolen him from his family and locked him into the tower all his life, lusting after his enchanted hair, Kili felt even more lost than in the years prior.

Kili was unexperienced in every sense of the world and couldn’t tell if he would be of use for anyone. In his safe little tower… his prison… he’d known how things worked. What he was allowed to do and what was forbidden. His understanding of good and bad came from everything Smaug had taught him and Fili had done a very good job to confuse a mindset that had served him well for so long.

Of course Kili was happy that the terrible charade was over, that he finally knew the truth about his heritage. No longer did he think of Smaug as his father, but as the man that had taken his life from him. And still, he was scared, for with some things the greedy snake had been right. As soon as someone realised his hair could heal and spent youth, someone would try to take it. It was a gift and a curse at the same time. What good would healing sick people be if he would never be safe? Maybe it was a selfish thing to think like that…, but he had almost seen Fili die in his desperate struggle to free Kili of Smaug. He never wanted to experience any of this again and if it was selfish of him to wish Fili unharmed and happy, then he would gladly call himself egoistic.

The easiest way to ensure this, though, would mean cutting his hair, destroying the gift through such actions once and for all. And yet his hands were shaking while he stroked over strands of his long golden hair. Who would he be without it? What if Fili had fought for the power it could grant and not for Kili? He didn’t want to believe that Fili had lied to him all this time, but he could still hear Smaug’s whispered warnings inside his head, warnings he’d internalised for years. It had always been about the gift and never about him… how could he truly hope it would be different this time?

“You look worried,” a sleepy voice startled him.

Casting a surprised glance at his friend Kili lowered his head, ashamed of his thoughts and fearing Fili would be able tell just by looking at him. Beside him Fili sat up.

“What’s on your mind?”

His gentle touch on his shoulder caused the tension and the trembles to melt from Kili’s form. Confessing his greatest worry didn’t become any easier, however and it took a couple of deep breaths to calm him enough to try.

“If I cut my hair, will you leave me?”

At first it was silent, save for the soft singing of a lark in the distance. Even though it scared him, Fili wasn’t giving him the time to panic. He turned him carefully around until Kili could lose himself in the beloved blue eyes, sighing with relief once Fili’s hands came up to cup his face.

“Of course not. I love you, Kili. And as long as you are happy, I’m too.”

The following kiss was innocent and soft and while the few they had shared before had been brief, they let it linger this time. The other wasn’t allowing them part, continued to mouth at his lips, licking carefully and giving him an idea of just how wonderful their future would look. Only when Kili relaxed completely against him, handing himself over to the arms of the man he trusted and loved, did Fili break the kiss.

“You told me once that you will lose the gift completely if they are cut. Are you sure you want this?”

Smiling softly, Kili nodded. Fili wasn’t asking him out of greed, instead he wanted to make sure the young man wouldn’t regret this decision.

“I’m sure,” he confirmed.

“Will you let me cut it?”

This took him by surprise. While his heart seemed to sing with joy, since it had been right about Fili all along and not even Smaug’s manipulation had been able to suppress it finding love and faith in him, he hadn’t expected his friend to offer him such a deed. If Kili had needed further proof of Fili’s sincerity, he would’ve met it in this moment.

And so Kili nodded. They talked a little about the length he would prefer and in the light of the rising sun, Fili set to work.

“Your hair,” Fili whispered in awe eventually, urging Kili to tilt his head slightly until he could glance over his shoulder. “I didn’t know it would turn brown.”

Kili blushed, it seemed like he’d forgotten to mention that. He had only known of one cut strand it had happened to in the past and since it was hidden so well by the golden mass, there hadn’t been any reason to think of it often.

“Is it very awful?” he wondered, suddenly feeling a little anxious again.

“No,” Fili breathed. His friend sounded so full of wonder Kili could hardly comprehend it. “Not at all. It’s beautiful.”

 

 


	36. Near Death Experience

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fill for the prompts: 
> 
> 55\. FiKi + near death experience  
> 169\. Ghost Hunter AU

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: heavy swear words at the end of the chapter

 

 

“Good luck,” Fili whispered, pulling Kili close to give him a brief hug the brunet returned just as fiercely.

Jobs like this, when they had to split up and fend for themselves, had always carried a heavier feeling than teaming up. It wasn’t the first time, not by far, but they made sure to never leave with unresolved issues, they didn’t need to add distractions on top of everything else.

“Is your radio working?”

Kili pulled it out of his pocket, the little lamp was on as he tested it one last time.

“One, two, three.”

Fili gave a satisfied nod at this, his gaze returning to the old building, towering like a silent giant over them, whose true nature and danger they hadn’t yet grasped.

“They always found the bodies in the basement.”

“I know,” Kili replied. “Don’t worry about me, I will distracted him long enough for you to burn the bones in peace. It isn’t the first time I’m doing this, you know?” He couldn’t help but grin confidently at the blond. “One would think after a year you would finally remember that.”

His friend shoved him playfully. Kili could imagine no better partner in the fight against ghosts and other frightening creatures and was more than just a little glad to have crossed Fili’s path all those months ago.

“Don’t be foolish and play it safe. If we are right the possession is already going on for a while, he might be stronger than the others. Get the boy out and don’t try to force a distraction if it isn’t safely possible.”

Even in the scarce light of the night Kili was able to spot the tension in the other’s features, with lips pressed into a thin line and a furrow forming between his brow, whereas the rest of him seemed as taut as a bowstring.

Out of instinct Kili reached for Fili’s hand and squeezed it gently, immediately he was able to see a part of the tension melt from his friend’s body as he relaxed into the small gesture.

“I will be careful and get the boy out.”

Their ways parted. Fili headed straight to the place somewhere in the back of the yard, where he should find the last mortal remains of the raging ghost, while Kili entered the old house carefully. 

It was pitch-black and quiet inside, urging him to use his flashlight. He was turning himself into an easy target like that and would’ve preferred to stay hidden a little longer, but despite knowing the layout of the building he wouldn’t be able to find the basement in such darkness.

It was strangely quiet as he cut his way and thus he reached the stairs completely undisturbed. Kili could only hope whatever the ghost was busy with wasn’t yet forcing the father to murder his son. He decided to hurry.

Just to freeze as he rounded the first corner in the basement. His eyes widened with shock, heartbeat quickening at the sight. The ghost seemed to stare back, although it was hard to tell in the tape of the flashlight. A shaking hand darted to his pocket, searching for the radio and bringing it fitfully to his mouth.

“Fili,” he called his friend.

It didn’t take long for the blond to reply.

“Are you alright?”

“It’s not the father.”

The boy regarded him almost thoughtfully. The calmness in the young features looked so wrong next to the noose dangling beside his head, as if the ghost wasn’t about to force him to commit suicide. But where was the father? They had watched him how he brought him here. There was no sight of him…, which was never a good sign.

“It’s the boy,” he informed Fili, unable to take his eyes off the eerie figure.

They had been wrong all along, had been mistaken when it came to their suspect and investigated in the wrong direction. How had they not realised that the boy had never been far away, when strange things happened around the father? How was it even possible that they hadn’t thought for a moment someone else could lend the ghost their body?

“Whatever you do, don’t touch his skin!” Fili reminded him.

“Gotcha,” Kili replied sternly, glaring at the boy reaching mockingly for the noose.

The ghost was taunting him with the life of the boy, but Kili wouldn’t watch the murder of an innocent life!

He darted forward, yanking the chair the child had been standing on to the ground before the ghost could even think about putting the rope around the frail neck. Both collided hard with the ground, but the lad recovered surprisingly fast, leaping back to his feet. Kili’s hands seized one of his ankles, using the momentum of another fall to throw himself on the boy with all his weight.

The small body was struggling vehemently against its bigger opponent, giving Kili barely the time to let go to cover his hands. Only when he believed to hold the upper hand did the brunet slightly loosening his grip. Teeth sinking into the fabric of his sleeve, he pulled until it covered the skin of his fingers completely.

The second he wanted to bind the child’s wrists, however, a sudden jolt went through the boy again. Twisting and turning he threw himself around until one of his little hands slipped finally free from Kili’s grip. The ghost didn’t hesitate, pushing icy fingers under his shirt and finding his skin.

He rolled off of the child with a gasp, panting helplessly as a wave of ice flooded into every fibre of his being. Pinpricks on his skin, tightness in his chest, not enough air despite his frantic gasps. No…, no… this couldn’t be happening… this couldn’t…

There was a voice in his head!

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

Fili hurried into the building, heart pounding like mad within him, while he was almost nauseous with worry.  He had burned the bones and had felt the ripple going through the earth, telling him the ghost had finally left this world, but when he’d tried to contact Kili via the radio only silence answered him.

Running straight to the basement, almost tripping on the stairs, he came to an abrupt halt. 

That was Kili… 

…dangling from the…

With a scream he rushed to his side, wrapping his arms around his limp body to support it long enough for him to reach for his knife and cut the rope. Kili’s weight sagging forward caused Fili to lose his balance and together they fell to the ground. But while he recovered fast, the brunet didn’t even twitch… he looked far too still.

Getting back on his knees, Fili removed the noose as gently as possible, wincing at the angry red marks he could spot on Kili’s skin even in the scarce light. When he tried to listen for breath, though, he was once again greeted by a horrifying silence.

“No, no, no, don’t do this to me, Kili,” he whispered in panic, positioning his friend’s body flat to the ground, before he bent over and connected their lips.

Mouth-to-mouth respiration showed no effect. Tears were blurring his vision, burning in his eyes almost as painfully as the sob trying to escape his throat once he began with the cardiac massage. They shouldn’t have split up, not after such a long period of possession. Instead they should’ve gone in together, made sure the ghost couldn’t murder anymore before burning the bones together after the boy was restrained. They had been confronted with this kind of stuff often enough to know better. Yet he was about to… about to…

Again he leaned down, forcing air into Kili’s lung.

And from one moment to another the brunet was rebelling against it, rolling to the side and coughing brutally.

Fili sobbed with relief, stroking frantic fingers over Kili’s hair and thanking him in a shaken mantra of love and relief. His frightened heart wasn’t eased so easily, though, not trusting the life he saw so clearly in the younger man just yet and was still beating with a violence the blond hadn’t experienced before.

Eventually the coughs stopped and Kili sank against him, completely exhausted and looking like he could fall asleep right here this very moment. An uncomfortable little whistle accompanied all of his breaths, but at least he was breathing.

Wrapping a protective arm around him, Fili pressed a shaky kiss to Kili’s head.

“You killed it,” his friend realised, voice rough like sandpaper.

“Yeah, it’s gone.”

And Kili was with him…

Exhaling a shuddering breath, Fili pulled him a little closer, noticing contently how Kili tried to return it despite the strong trembles in his limbs, coming from the shock.

“You know,” the brunet said eventually. “I imagined our first kiss differently.”

Fili snorted. “Shut up, you idiot!” He had almost lost him, but in those little hoarse words he found the certainty that all would be well again in no time. Still, he couldn’t help it and insisted on a real kiss they had danced around for far too long.

Despite Kili’s weak state and the thereby lack of his usual eagerness, it couldn’t have tasted any sweeter.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

Kili’s was dozing on the passenger seat of the car, when Fili felt the familiar itching on his skin. After making sure the boy and his dad were alright, the blond had helped his friend to lean against him before they had started their slow way out of the basement. Kili had gone out like a light as soon as he was sitting down on the old, padded seat.

Now Fili was forced to stop at the side of the road, for it was slowly turning into a burning sensation. Outside he pulled up his sleeve. The golden bracelet below had turned red and was swimming with the presence of the creature trying to contact him.

_I have been patient enough. I felt the boy die. Where is his soul? Bring it to me!_

Fili stared at the angry swirl, ere he gaze wandered to the sleeping figure in the car.

“You won’t get him,” the blond replied.

He didn’t care for the mission anymore, hadn’t wanted to go through with it for months now. It was time to let the other know.

_You dare to defy me?_

The burning on his skin began to turn into a raging fire. With a curse Fili ripped it off, throwing the bracelet to the ground.

_You filthy half-blood! I will come for you and Oakenshield’s bastard! You can’t hide and once I have you, I will make you suffer, tear you apart limb by limb and your petty bitch will watch before I rip out his soul!_

With a fierce surge of anger Fili stomped onto the piece of jewellery, watching it crumble with satisfaction. For the first time his refusal had been successful. Perhaps the human blood wasn’t making him weak like the other demons had always liked to claim, maybe it was making him stronger.

“I will be waiting for you. And I will kill you before you can lay a finger on Kili.”

Filled with a new sense of confidence and determination Fili got back into the car, driving away from the powerless shards barely a second later.

 

 


	37. You knew this was going to happen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fill for prompt 53. You knew this was going to happen!

 

 

For a long time the winter hadn’t been this bad. It was cold and the snow wouldn’t melt and someone had been too careless with storing the food they would need to survive on. A while ago Fili’s mother had discovered mould on some of the vegetables that had spread to the cheese. Weeks’ worth of provisions had to be tossed away. Something they had done with resigned expressions and dread in their eyes, fearing what might happen if the winter continued longer than usually. For a couple of days they might be able to cut back on the food,  but sooner or later the hunger would weaken them and the cold air of the season would show them no mercy.

They had prayed to be spared such a fate, the gods seemed to have different plans, though. Realising it had been a terrible blow. However, nothing could compete with the pain of rejection by a bright-eyed lad, whose smiles had made him feel warmer than the kiss of sunshine.

His name was Kili.

It had been just a thing of a summer, both of them coming together from different villages, fishing for the fruits of a ripe lake. They had shared a little shack, barely more than a couple of planks nailed together to withstand the worst weather. Every evening some of their people had travelled to their side of the lake to collect the catch. Otherwise it had just been them, two young lads discovering the pleasures of flesh and the unique sweetness of kisses.

During those happy weeks Fili had finally understood why none of the maidens at home had ever caught his eyes. Why he wasn’t staring at soft breasts like the other men, but preferred to trace the line of Kili’s biceps to his pecs. All those years between adolescence and maturity he’d though that he just hadn’t met the right woman yet, instead it wasn’t the closeness of a lass he craved, it was the strong hold of another man. And not just some man. Kili.

Kili, who had rejected his love confession. Who told him he wouldn’t be back next year. Who asked him to forget about what was between them. Who had left without looking back, not even the sound of Fili’s heart shattering urging him to gift him one last gentle smile. Kili had taken a part of him the blond would never get back. There had been nights during which Fili had barely known how to live with the hole in his heart.

Only in the winter it had become easier. There were other things to worry about and therefore Kili couldn’t rule over his mind anymore. Fili and his mother were starving, their food swiftly disappearing. Two things might save them at this point, thaw or game. To their great misfortune the snares stayed empty, until Fili decided to reach for the crossbow of his deceased father and vowed not to return before he couldn’t put food on the table.

The first hour was fruitless and had him shivering in no time. The sun was shining, hurting his eyes where it was reflected from the small snow crystals covering the landscape. The beauty was lost to the blond’s hungry body and merely hampered his search for any sort of game. The world around him was eerily quiet and it scared him.

They needed food to survive. Sure, perhaps some of the other villagers had something to spare, but the longer the winter looked like it was going to continue, the less likely they would dare to part with anything. And Fili couldn’t fault them, the trade was dead during the winter, with the roads so deeply snowed under.

Black dots were spinning in front of his eyes and he had to close them for a couple of seconds, fearing he would go blind otherwise. Fili stumbled towards a spruce, seeking shelter from the sun under it’s dark needles. There he sat, inhaled deeply the cold air and waited for his sight to clear.

It was then that he spotted the deer. It was a magnificent stag, the antlers spreading wide and huger than anything Fili had seen before. His gaze followed it’s movements mesmerised as the animal bent it’s head to search for frozen grass under the mantle of snow. So far it seemed like it hadn’t noticed the hunter, the lack of wind working in Fili’s favour.

Slowly his fingers wandered to the arrow as he readied the crossbow. He had never used it, but hopefully would manage to hit such a big target. Fili grimaced, knowing he might not be able to carry the stag back to their village. They might not even be able to utilise all of it and so it felt wrong to fell such an awe-inspiring creature. He hesitated, but then thought of the tired features of his mother and thought of his own rumbling stomach during the last weeks. They couldn’t continue like this and so Fili took aim.

His hands were shaking.

The arrow followed a strange angle, probably due to the blond’s unskilled attempt of shooting an animal, and embedded itself deeply into the flank of the stag. With a roaring noise echoing to the tree tops the deer took off.

Fili cursed, stumbling out of his hiding place to chase it. In the deep snow it was hard to follow, but the traces and specks of blood shining like a scarlet track on the white snow allowed him to keep up. The deer didn’t seem to slow down for a while, hurrying into the heart of the forest.

Eventually the hounding began to take its toll on the wounded animal. It slowed down noticeably, only then and again trying to run once the wind carried Fili’s scent to its nostrils. The young hunter had caught up with it close enough now that he didn’t need the tracks anymore to guide his path.

Fili lost sight of the stag, when it disappeared behind a snowdrift close to a hill. Since the animal wasn’t showing up behind it, the hunter was confident that it had finally given up. He heaved a deep sigh of relief, knowing that he couldn’t have continued like that for much longer, aware that every step he took away from his home would be one he needed to take again on his way back.

Reaching for his knife he rounded the corner. The deer was probably still alive and after that terrible chase he wanted to give the poor animal at least now a quick death. If Fili’s aim had been better, he could’ve spared it the agony, but as it was he could only make its last moments as painless as possible. Just to drop it into the snow, when he spotted the figure lying in the snow.

Long brown hair, pale naked flesh and blood turning the snow red around a leg. Kili. It was Kili. Carrying the arrow in his leg Fili had shot at the stag. He was unconscious, seemed like he was barely breathing and Fili wanted to bent over and barf with shock. He had done this, he had shot Kili. Kili, who somehow was able to turn into a stag…, the animal that was supposed to become their dinner…

He gagged drily as his insides began to cramp. It was only due to their terrible lack of food that he was saved from throwing up. The awful realisation made his whole body tremble and it took far too long for his horrified mind to get aware of Kili’s poor state. With a scolding sound that was somewhere caught between a curse and a whimper, Fili slipped out of his coat and wound it around the brunet’s naked form.

“Kili?” he called him gently, brushing a strand of hair from his face that had gone astray. “Kili, please wake up.”

But Kili wouldn’t stir.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

In the end Fili didn’t know how he did it, but somehow, despite his weakened body, he managed to carry Kili to the shack close by the lake where they had first met. He wondered if Kili had led him here during his escape or if it was just a coincidence that he found this place just some hundreds of meters away. Lighting a fire had been the bigger challenge, but even that was now flickering happily in the old woodstove. The shack stayed empty over the winter, but at least some dry logs had been left here, turning the little shack nice and warm until not even the crooks in the wall could change that.

Kili was resting silently by the fire, covered by Fili’s coat. The blond had cleaned the wound as best as possible and bandaged it with one of the tunics he had been wearing. During the whole procedure his friend hadn’t even twitched. Fili grimaced at the thought, knowing it had to be related to him chasing the younger man to exhaustion.

“You knew this was going to happen, didn’t you?” Fili wondered quietly.

Since they had arrived here Fili was given lots of time to think. About what he had seen, about the way things ended between them… it wasn’t such a far-fetched thought that this secret was why Kili had rejected him. He must’ve feared things like this and as Fili had learned the hard way, with very good reason.

“Yes,” a quiet voice startled him.

“Kili!” he gasped with surprise, flying to his side just a second later. His friend was still lying in the same position as before, not moving at all and yet Fili hadn’t imagined it. “You are awake! Oh, thank god. When… when did you-,” he stammered helplessly.

“A while ago,” the brunet replied.

Fili’s relief slowly gave place to a new sense of hopelessness. Kili wasn’t moving… wouldn’t look at him… sounded tired and hurt… and Fili couldn’t even fault him after what just happened.

“I’m so sorry, Kili. We were starving and I had to go hunting and… had I known you were the stag I never would’ve shot, you have to believe me,” he pleaded with him.

And indeed, this got his attention. Raising his head with confusion, the brunet glanced at him warily.

“You were starving?”

He nodded, ere his face fell. “Well… I guess we still are… our food has gone bad. Most of it was moulded and with all the snow trade is gone completely at the moment. I had to go hunting. We might not survive the winter otherwise.”

“So, you are…,” Kili began hesitantly, turning fully around to face Fili now. He winced as the movement irritated his injured thigh too much, but despite this little flinch he showed no evidence that the wound pained him. Instead he chewed on his bottom lip, as if he wasn’t quite finding the right words to continue. “You are not going to… to sell me?”

Fili’s eyes widened with horror.

“No! Of course not! I would never do that!” He almost wanted to snap at him, baffled that Kili could even think him capable of such things, he was able to compose himself, though, as it dawned on him. “Wait… did this happen in the past?”

“Not to me, but…,” Kili paused, taking a deep breath, “there were others and… there are some people that think our blood can cure illnesses and other nonsense. Some want our skin because they believe it would give them the power to shift as well. But nothing of this is true, we are just like normal people, only that we can change our form.”

The brunet started to shake violently, if from fear or anger Fili wasn’t able to tell.

“So many of us were wiped out. We try to hide as best as we can, but it’s never safe!”

“Why don’t you just stay in your human form forever?”

“It’s impossible. It’s a part of us. If we don’t shift for a long time it begins to itch and it becomes harder to control until, at one point, our other form will just burst out, regardless if the time is fitting or not.”

Kili looked tired and far too old for his young years. Fili’s heart ached for him and everything he wanted was to pull him into a hug, whispering in his hair that he was going to protect him from such a terrible fate. But after everything that happened… Kili’s rejection and Fili’s actions today, he wasn’t sure if he was allowed to do so anymore. The only thing he knew was that he wouldn’t hunt deer ever again.

“So that’s why you rejected me,” he mused.

Kili averted his eyes.

“I couldn’t do that to you. One day I might not have come back and you would’ve never known what happened. That isn’t fair to you.”

And yet the words caused his heartbeat to hasten.

“But you love me?” he asked. He had to know. Needed to know if Kili was feeling the same way. If it really had been this secret that had forced them apart. Now that it was out in the open they could talk about it, find solutions they were both able to live with, if only… if only Kili told him what the blond’s heart was yearning for.

“I love you,” Kili agreed with a nod.

He wasn’t looking happy as he admitted it, but Fili couldn’t have cared any less. He simply reached for the other’s hand. A jolt went through Kili’s neck as their gazes met again, his eyes wide and hopeful, even though Fili could still spot a hint of fear in them.

“I know there would’ve been many better ways for us to talk about this, but… you love me and I love you and all I’m asking you is to let us talk about it. I want to be with you, Kili. Please, give us the chance to find a solution for all of this.”

Afterwards he could only wait patiently for Kili’s response, which took much longer than he would’ve liked, but eventually a smile broke out on his features. One of those big, happy smiles that looked as if they had captures a small piece of sunlight.

They agreed to talk about it in the morning. With the setting sun none of them would return home that day and especially not Kili with his wounded leg. Tomorrow they would figure out how they could make this work. Tomorrow they would find a way to get Kili to the safety of his people without straining his leg too much. Tomorrow they would also try to find something to eat for Fili and his mother.

Right now, however, they decided it was enough to lie in front of the fire together and share the kisses their hearts had longed for since the day they parted.

 

 


	38. I am not boring you, am I?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fill for prompt 153. I am not boring you, am I?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: Sibling Incest

 

 

“I’m not boring you, am I?” Kíli wondered, munching on another piece of garlic bread.

He was sweating a little and started to feel like he consisted of garlic, but still he kept on eating it, sneaking into the kitchen during unoccupied moments to steal some cloves of garlic from Bombur. Tonight he would certainly lie in bed and writhe in misery when his stomach punished him for his unbalanced food intake. Unfortunately this was the only way of stopping Dáin’s ambassador from leaning even closer into his personal space.

“No, not at all,” the other dwarf replied, attempting to keep a straight face, the wrinkle forming above his nose was hard to miss, however. Realising his plan was working, a wave of relief washed over the young prince. “I’ve just remembered I forgot an important matter to discuss with the king. If you will excuse me…”

“Of course,” Kíli complied with a hurried nod and watched the other head over to a group surrounding Thorin.

With a groan he put the piece of bread down. He started to feel a little queasy.

Festivities like this one, with everybody of distinction present, had never been his thing. Within the company of Dáin’s subordinate Kíli had already suspected that this night would turn into a dubious experience. Yet it still surprised him how unendurable the situation had become. From the day of his arrival lord Hanarr pestered Kíli.

The dwarf had always been interested in him, starting with the day they had met years before the quest. It had been creepy back then, now it was simply impudent. Everyone knew Kíli was betrothed to the heir of Erebor, his brother and light of his life, his One from the day of his birth. Attempting to lure him into a shameful affair was dishonourable and disgusting. Regardless how often Kíli refused such advances, Hanarr wasn’t accepting a no as an answer.

A sudden murmur arose among the guests, pulling Kíli from his helpless thoughts.

His eyes widened, when his eyes landed on Fíli entering the hall. Still dressed in his traveling clothes, a long, furred cloak swaying rhythmically to his steps Fíli was the pure image of pride and strength, a dwarf every citizen of Erebor was admiring and pining for. Kíli’s heart did a sudden somersault at the sight, knowing Fíli’s love was only destined for him.

Fíli exchanged a couple of words with their uncle, ere his eyes found Kíli in the crowd and the prince headed towards him, a bright smile on his lips that caused the brunet to grin.

“What are you doing here already? I thought you wouldn’t be back for another week,” Kili wondered overjoyed.

“The matters with Thranduil could be solved easily and I wanted to surprise you,” Fíli answered, reaching for the young dwarf’s arm and guiding him to a quieter corner of the hall.

“Good thing Thorin sent you. Everyone else surely would’ve taken ages to settle the dispute.”

Kíli smiled proudly. Warmth spread through his chest. Wherever Fíli went, his kind nature and quick wit rewarded him easily with the respect of their allies. There was hardly any hate between Erebor and Mirkwood left and this was only due to Fíli’s hard work. He would make a great king one day. Not that Kíli had ever doubted this, but he finally noticed others becoming aware of it as well.

“It wasn’t as hard as Thorin feared, which was good. I know how much you hate such festivities and wanted to be back to save you from too much boredom.” Fíli’s cheerful expression slipped, making room for a frown. “Mahal, what did they serve you? You smell like one of those merchants of Harad that spent too much time with their spices.”

Kíli grimaced slightly, casting a glance at the ambassador, who had moved on to a different group of dwarves and seemed lost in the conversation.

“I just needed a way to get rid of lord Hanarr. He just won’t leave me alone and I knew he can’t stand the smell of garlic, so…,” he shrugged. “I thought punching him in front of everyone might not be considered good hospitality.”

Fíli chuckled softly as he shook his head gently. There was no anger, no spark of possessiveness or whispered threats at the disgusting dwarf. The blond knew Kíli was able to defend himself, years on the training grounds together and battle proving this again and again.

“You are unbelievable,” he whispered fondly.

Fíli’s hand came to a rest below his ear, urging Kíli to lean into the touch with a content little sigh. And just a few heartbeats later he drowned in the sensation of Fìli’s lips connecting with his. His brother didn’t care for the smell of garlic or the taste on his tongue, but kissed him as sensually as he always would after returning home.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

Two days later Kíli broke Hanarr’s hand for his inappropriate actions. Fíli watched it with a pleased smile and ordered a servant to pack his bag for the next journey, already expecting that a trip to the Iron Hills would be next.

 

 


	39. Somnophilia

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fill for prompt 69. Somnophilia

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: Smut
> 
> While I was intrigued by the prompt I couldn't have written this as dub-con, let alone non-con. So this is my completely consensual try on it.

  


  


The first time they heard about it was when Kili came home with a psychology book for his uni paper.  It was barely described, just spoken of as an disorder that needed treatment if it was lived out in a harmful manner, but it had piqued their interest. Of course not in a dangerous way, they had been together since school and were still ridiculously in love, they just were never shy to try new things, even if they might be unconventional.

Nevertheless, they didn’t act on it for a long while, knowing of the dangers this way of spicing up their sex life held. After all, there was no way to say no, if one of them was asleep.

So they had taken their time to prepare. Kili had some helpful advice to offer due to his study. Experiencing terrible nightmares was the first issue they wanted to avoid. Therefore they began conditioning themselves, something that was easier said than done. They choose a song, something calm and soothing playing in the background whenever they kissed and cuddled on the couch or went even further, until the soft sounds of music began to mean love and closeness and sharing gentle touches.

It took a while, but they didn’t mind, having all the time in the world to try whatever they wanted. When they first decide to take the next step, Kili was so excited he couldn’t even remotely fall asleep and eventually stroked a very tired Fili to completion. It had felt unfamiliar, but not unwelcome.

Today they wanted to take things to a new level. Kili looked already tired enough when he returned home from his work in the clinic and ready to fall asleep in a couple of minutes. Fili urged him to a light dinner nonetheless and some drowsy cuddling on the couch. It wasn’t even dark yet after all and Kili would have the whole weekend to recharge from his exhausting shift.

Eventually the yawns came more frequently and Kili decided to get ready for bed.

He returned to his side with a glass of water and a pill bottle some time later, his hair slightly wet from the quick shower and the smell of peppermint on his lips. The little box belonged to Fili, for whenever working at his uncles company got too stressful and his head wouldn’t shut up at night, he helped himself to the promise of a long, restful sleep. The blond still wasn’t completely sure if it was a good idea to dive that deeply into this whole thing, but Kili had been very persuasive.

“I hope you will visit me in my dreams,” Kili winked at him before fishing for a pill.

“Half of one is enough,” Fili warned him. His love wouldn’t feel very awake for the whole next day should he decide to swallow a whole one.

Kili nodded, breaking it apart in his hands – Fili was still amazed how the brunet did it, when he himself needed a knife for such simple task – and put one piece into his mouth.

“And you are really certain you want it like that?” he made sure once again.

They trusted each other, knew that their partner would never hurt them on purpose and would only progress if they were certain everything would go well and yet this was a different level of trust and Fili wasn’t sure if he could live up to Kili’s expectations.

As an answer his boyfriend reached for the glass of water and emptied it in one go, flushing the pill down with it.

“Fee, we prepared good enough,” he told him gently, ere he climbed in his lap. Wrapping his arms around his neck, Kili smiled as he leaned closer, warm breath brushing over Fili’s ear. “Do have any idea in what trouble I get, whenever they play our song randomly on the radio?” he asked him. “It makes me _so_ hard. It makes me think of your hand wrapped around my cock, how you stroke me just right until I can barely hold it.” Fili felt the younger man shiver against him and he couldn’t say that the effect of his husky voice was lost on him, when goose bumps broke out on his flesh. “Or how you moan my name when I take you in my mouth, how heavy you are while you pull my hair. And how big you feel when you fill me, when you push into me so deeply I can barely breathe.”

The kiss Kili placed right below his ear was far too gentle for his dirty words, but it had Fili groan with lust all the same. Encouraged by his reaction the brunet targeted his lips next. The kiss was sloppy and uncoordinated, causing him to hiss when Kili began to grind against him on top of it. Hands traced tenderly over his neck, until they came to a rest on his cheeks, holding his head in place while Kili sucked at his upper lip until it felt swollen and all Fili wanted was to return the favour. His boyfriend wouldn’t let him, though, setting the pace and forcing him to harden steadily.

Fili was panting slightly, trying to meet Kili’s movements, but before his cock could awaken completely, the other suddenly pulled away, parading a mischievous grin.

“See you in my dreams,” he crooned and padded out of the room as if he hadn’t just initiated one of the most erotic approaches Fili could ask for.  

Rubbing his hands over his face, the blond huffed, trying to calm his hastened heartbeat and willing the weird state of semi-hardness from his body. Kili could be such a terrible tease. Not that Fili hadn’t been used to it after all these years together, but this seemed to be a new sense of audacity. Of course he knew why Kili had done it this time, it was easy to guess his motives on a day like this. And hadn’t he done a great job to push him into a shape of sexual frustration? Kili wanted to urge him into payback, well… if that was what he wanted, Fili was just too ready now to comply.

Unfortunately he had to wait until Kili fell asleep and the following few hours were harder to withstand than Fili liked admit. He tried to read, to watch TV or go over one of the contracts he had to finish before going back to work next week, yet his concentration easily slipped when his mind wandered to the man lying in their bed, waiting for him to touch him in his sleep. Fili shuddered, his doubts temporarily forgotten at the huge amount of trust Kili had in him.

And then it was finally time. As anticipated Kili was deeply asleep, the exhaustion of the day would’ve been enough, but with the strength of the pills it was certain he wasn’t going to wake up before the next morning. The soft sounds of their song echoed through the bedroom, Kili had put into an endless loop and Fili found himself turning it a little louder. A small hint of concern had returned as he spotted Kili completely at his mercy and he wanted to make sure the tune would reach him even in his sleep. Despite it, though, Fili couldn’t help but admire the sight. Kili was offering himself so freely and Fili intended to make this worth it.

Crawling onto the mattress he pulled the blanket off the other’s form and inhaled sharply at what he found. Kili wasn’t wearing his usual sleeping clothes, but had only chosen a tight pair of boxers. There was no doubt anymore now that this was exactly what his love wanted.

The beginning was gentle. Fili brushed his fingers over Kili’s skin, starting at his hairline and ending at his ankles. He kept the touch light, focussing his eyes on the brunet’s face and trying to discern if any of this seemed unwelcome. While it was strange to see him so unresponsive, there was no sign of discomfort on his features.

It gave him the courage to take the next step. He pressed his lips to the other’s jawline tenderly, caressing his body with the same light touches as before, as he let his mouth wander downwards this time. He avoided Kili’s lips, though. There was no desire to find out how they felt if they weren’t responding. Fili spotted goose bumps breaking out on Kili’s flesh, but wasn’t able to tell if it came from his tender approach or if he should’ve turned up the heating a little more. Then, just when he pressed his lips to one of his boyfriend’s nipples, a soft sigh escaped his lips.

Fili halted, watching Kili’s face closely for any signs of awakening. His love didn’t stir, allowing his startled mind to sort the nature of the sound. He smirked once he managed to remember again that this was one of many noises Kili made when he began to feel aroused.

With the grin sitting proudly on his face, the next time Fili mouthed at Kili’s skin he loved it in earnest. Sucking at his neck and shoulder, licking over his nipples, even pinching one with glee, whereas his unoccupied hand slid slowly towards Kili’s crotch, coming to a rest as a warm, gentle pressure on the slightly hardened bulge.

Kili’s breathing had changed steadily over the last couple of minutes, turning from a deeply, even form into erratic little pants. Fili could feel his rapidly pounding heart under his lips and relished in what little things his love offered him, just like he would've had Kili been an active participant.

His hand started to rub carefully over Kili’s growing hardness. The fabric stretched tightly over his cock. It had to feel constricted, but the brunet had chosen this piece of clothing willingly. Paying close attention to the other’s reactions, Fili deemed it safe to add some pressure, picking up the pace with almost childish gloating when Kili suddenly moaned his name.  

He seemed close, sweating and groaning low in his throat as desperate little wheezes were pulled from his mouth. It was obvious he was searching for more contact, some sort of relief and it would’ve been easy to withhold it from him, to continue teasing him until he could barely stand it, to do anything to him he wanted, really.

But this was the first time they were doing something like this and in such cases they always went slow, testing their boundaries, and thus Fili decided it was enough.

Fili stopped the kisses, leaving his salvia to dry on Kili’s skin and turned to the dark blue boxers. He pulled them down until he was able to free his love’s hardness from its confinement. Small pearls of pre-come were already coating the tip of his cock, when Fili wrapped his lips around it.

It was a much cleaner way of finishing this new experience. He didn’t want to find out what Kili’s mind might make of the sensation of being cleaned by a soft towel just after an orgasm, even if his current approach meant he was no longer able to look for possible signs of discomfort on his features.

And so, while fondling his balls, Fili sucked his boyfriend off in no time. Kili came with a soft gasp and the pleased murmur of Fili’s name on his lips.

 

  


* * *

  


  


The next morning Kili looked still a little groggy when he leaned against Fili’s chest. The bath seemed to work heavenly on his tired mind, though and he hummed contently once the blond kissed his shoulder.

“I don’t think I dreamed anything, but I feel just as spent as after any other night with you.”

“Well, for a dreamless night you certainly moaned my name surprisingly ecstatic,” Fili grinned against his skin.

Kili giggled.

“I told you, we prepared well enough.”

“That you did,” Fili agreed with a nod, happily leaning into the kiss the brunet tried to induce as he tilted his head.

“Although, I think I prefer to remember what we did,” Kili told him, brushing the blond's nose with his own, a loving smile adorning his lips.

He wasn’t yet ready to break their closeness, another kiss just half an inch away. Fili couldn’t claim he minded.

“Fair enough. So if there is going to be a next time, I guess that means we will swap places.”

“You would want that? Really?” Kili wondered truly surprised.

His reaction was understandable, Fili had been the more reluctant one after all.

“Really,” he confirmed. “You sounded like it was a lot of fun and I want to know what it feels like.”

“All right. The next time it will be you,” the brunet agreed.

  


  



	40. animal companion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fill for prompt 101. Can speak to animals/animal companion AU

 

 

The weasel had been dozing in his backpack for the most part of the morning, now Fili felt it’s little feet digging into his coat, though, as it climbed onto his shoulder. For the most part the hunt had been unlucky, which wasn’t that surprising, there were always more successful days than others and he’d almost accepted that he would return home with empty hands today. The alerted way the weasel pushed its nose into the soft breeze of the day however, had Fili smiling. Maybe it wasn’t as hopeless as he’d believed.

And suddenly the animal was gone, jumping from his shoulder and into the thicket of the forest. It wasn’t oppressively hot today and the shadows of the leaf canopy also prevented the sweat from running in torrents down his back. His little companion enjoyed this kind of weather too. His fur might be thinner in the summer, but it still easily got unbearable once the temperatures began to rise and Fili knew how much the weasel suffered from it.

Gaining speed Fili tried to keep up with his little friend. Fili had found him with a pedlar that had stopped at the market of their settlement. For a couple of days the man had sold exotic fur, special spices and expensive fabric in colours that had caused some of the lasses to touch them with longing in their eyes. While the people around here weren’t poor, they weren’t rich either and therefore couldn’t afford silk or fur like that, even if they would work well for boots and coats.

The spices had been popular and cheap, though and therefore the pedlar stayed long enough for Fili to notice the little thing locked into a far too small wooden cage. It had been dangling in the air, bound to a rope attached to the beam holding the roof of the little wheeled stall. The intelligent black eyes had stared at the blond as if they wanted to unveil the deepest parts of his soul. In that moment he had known he couldn’t allow the pedlar to leave with the tiny creature. After bargaining with the foreign man for a good long while they settled on a price and Fili freed the weasel, to the great shock of the merchant, who claimed it had taken days to capture the little thing.

The weasel hadn’t taken off, but had climbed Fili’s arm and sat down on his shoulder like a proud protector. For a second the young man had feared the pedlar would suffocate on the surprised gasps leaving his throat. In the end Fili had taken the weasel home with him, where it had stayed with him ever since. Only some months later he had discovered the reason behind the animal’s intelligence and loyalty.

Fili came to a halt at a rustling bush, the twigs shaking with a silent fight. A couple of minutes later the brown weasel emerged from the leafage, pulling the small form of a pheasant along it had brought down.

“Good job, little one,” Fili praised the weasel with a satisfied expression.

The tiny predator seemed to scoff at the minimisation of its size. Fili chuckled, a scandalous expression like this looked truly amusing on the face of a weasel. His companion didn’t give him the time to make amends, but simply huffed and darted into the thicket once again. Shaking his head fondly the blond bent over to secure the pheasant at his belt.

Another rustling reached his ears and Fili looked up just in time to see a furry head pop up from a layer of ivy covering the ground. The weasel knew how to put him back in his place, showing him quite plainly that he would never be able to keep up with it, if it wouldn’t wait for him.

“Okay, okay,” Fili replied softly, a gently smile gracing his lips. “I’m sorry for calling you little.”

A pleased nod made the weasel’s head bob and then they were already hunting together, his companion bringing down prey of his size and leading Fili to those that went beyond his strength. That way three pheasants, a hare and two wild ducks dangled from the blond’s belt in the end.

They decided to make a little fire and eat one of the pheasants before they would head home. His friend gathered the wood while Fili plucked the feathers.  The flames began to grow easily on the small and dry twigs the weasel had fetched and so it didn’t take long for a delicious smell to meander high up in the air, once Fili started roasting their meal.

He could see the weasel lick over its tiny snout as the juice dripped from the meat and hit the glowing embers with a hissing noise. The hunt was known to wake the hunger of every participant and so Fili wasn’t surprised to see his companion sit on the ground and focus on their food. Yet, it wasn’t exactly how he’d imagined their break.

“Are you going to stay like this for the rest of the day?” he asked the weasel, allowing a small part of his unhappiness to show.

The animal turned its head, tilting it as if it wanted to ask what had him suddenly in such a foul mood, but instead the form of the little being began to shift. The body grew, while the fur disappeared and barely three seconds later a young man sat next to the fire on the forest floor. A beaming smile made his handsome features shine as brightly as the sun above the leaf canopy.

“You know I was just trying to be attentive. I don’t need much food as a weasel,” Kili replied with an amused twinkle in his eyes. As usually, the brunet wasn’t particularly fazed by his own nakedness.

“Of course,” Fili quipped. “And it certainly didn’t have anything to do with me running after you all morning.”

“Certainly not, as if I’m enjoying your slow pace,” the shapeshifter chaffed.

“Shut up, you dork!” Fili shoved him playfully, eliciting soft giggling from both of them.

He decided not to continue their good-natured banter and reached for his backpack instead, just to stare into it with disbelief.

“You are unbelievable,” Fili stated as he didn’t spot a second set of clothing, but merely found the lambskin that served as Kili’s favourite cushion when he was taking a nap at home.

The blond had actually told his friend to pack some clothes for their hunting trip, yet the imp had fooled him again. It wasn’t new to Fili that Kili liked to stay naked, as a weasel he wasn’t wearing any clothes either, so it surpassed the shifter’s understanding why he should put something on in his human form. It had taken an eternity to convince him to wear something when they were in public, but at home Kili still preferred to stay naked.

“What?” his friend wondered, the smile on his lips far too innocent to look believable.

Fili shook his head and slipped out of his buckskin coat. If he had to be honest, Kili’s nudity was mostly so irritating because Fili wanted to be the sole beholder of his gorgeous body. It was a kind of possessiveness he tried to supress most of the time, but failed more often than not when Kili smiled at him with so much affection in his dark orbs. At home was one thing, here other hunters might pass them and Fili didn’t want to share.

Getting up and walking over to the shifter, he bent down to put the coat around Kili’s naked shoulders, who immediately seized the opportunity, craned his neck and captured Fili’s lips in a deep and gentle kiss. He gladly followed the demanding tug at the hem of his shirt, sat down beside his friend and pulled Kili into his arms to turn one kiss into many more.

 

 


	41. Pretending not to be coming down with a cold

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fill for prompt 86. Hiding an injury / pretending not to be coming down with a cold (and getting taken care of anyway)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This takes place in the same universe as the chapter before.

 

 

Kili smelled it already before Fili came down with any symptoms. Knowing the blond, he would deny it anyway, even if he would lie as a withering mess to the shifter’s feet. The nose of the weasel was sensitive and picked up on the sickness long before his friend awoke with a groan on a particularly cold morning. Humans seemed extremely fragile and got sick easily as soon as the temperatures went down once winter was approaching.

For this very reason Kili had prepared some tea for him before Fili began to stir and was just pulling the tea pot over the floor and towards the bed, where a mug was already waiting. Sure, he could’ve done this as a human, but Kili loved his animal form and besides, the weasel was much faster.

Climbing onto the bed he heard Fili swallow with difficulty, confirming the sore throat diagnosis, which urged Kili to tug at one of the blond strands to attract his tired gaze to the tea waiting for him next to his bed. A frown appeared on the pale features when Fili regarded the pot as if he didn’t understand why it was there. Kili took this as an invitation to push his nose against Fili’s brows.

Fili laughed hoarsely, before shooing him away with a sweaty hand.

“What are you doing? I’m fine, you silly weasel.”

A noise of disapproval left the small body of the animal as he glared at the unreasonable human. Fili, however, had the audacity to chuckle. His mirth wasn’t holding on for very long once the giggling turned into a coughing fit. 

Kili huffed. Sure, Fili’s skin still had a perfectly healthy glow to it and his forehead didn’t feel warmer than it should be. Sometimes the weasel was surprised how the blond was meant to be the more mature one in this house.

“It’s just a little cough, don’t make such a fuss,” Fili commented all out of breath.

It didn’t impress Kili very much, not with the way his friend’s arms trembled when he pushed himself up. Humans needed lots of rest when they got sick and so Kili would make sure Fili was going to follow his treatment plan.

He hissed at the blond when he attempted to get up without permission, nipping at a strand of hair and tugging it disapprovingly.

“Ouch!” Fili went down with a huff, followed by a cough. 

Seizing his chance Kili climbed onto the human’s chest and stared down at him in warning. 

Blinking up at him, as if he was seeing the weasel for the first time, Fili seemed to weigh his odds. While the weasel might be smaller, it was used to fighting with bigger opponents and in any case, Fili was unlikely to get very far if Kili decided to change his shape.

Pleased Kili noticed how his friend’s muscles relaxed under him.

“Am I at least allowed trips to the loo?” Fili surrendered.

Kili pretended consider the question, enjoying the look of alarm crossing the stubborn idiot’s face. Eventually he nodded, but not before he pointed to the tea with one of his paws, though. He only hopped from Fili’s chest once he agreed, sniffing miserably. Time to fetch a couple of handkerchiefs.

This made his next mission a trip to fetch a couple of handkerchiefs. 

Assured that Fili was provided with tea and a warm blanket he darted outside, where they stored the firewood. The small flames in the stove where slowly turning into embers, allowing the cold to spread through the room of the small cabin. Kili had heard stories about icy air worsening the condition of ailing people and was keen on to keep their home nice and warm.

Once he was happy with the amount of wood the stove was topped with, he hurried to the kitchen. While it wasn’t hard to fetch the ingredients he would need for a stew, cooking was a different story, so the weasel briefly shifted back into his human form to peel and chop and since he was now running around like this he also made sure a hot bath was waiting for Fili.

His friend meanwhile was still the most annoying patient Kili could imagine, claiming he was perfectly fine just before coughing or sneezing pitifully. On top of that he must have felt terribly in his sweaty clothes, which only adding to his terrible mood. 

One thing was for certain: Fili hated it when someone was taking care of him. Kili was completely unfazed by it, however, and so the blond had to deal with it.

The shifter had already planned his day down to the last details. While Fili was taking a bath, Kili would air the room and change the sheets. 

It seemed to go well at first: he helped his unhappy friend out of his clothes and leaped onto the edge of the tub to dip his paw into the water to make sure it was still hot enough. when Fili suddenly got up without being asked. He wasn’t expecting Fili to suddenly sway and grab the tub for support, making Kili lose his balance and plunge into the water.

When he resurfaced again he could hear Fili laughing loudly – which soon turned into another coughing fit – while the weasel scrambled hurriedly out of the water, sneezing pathetically. Shaking the water from his fur Kili glared up at Fili, who was still enjoying himself far too much for his liking.

“Now, be careful not to get sick,” Fili croaked with a grin, stepping into the tub under Kili’s careful gaze.

The weasel rolled its eyes. Oh yes, his friend would certainly like that, turning tables and being the one that pushed him back into the bed. He was going to be sorely disappointed: shifters had a much better resilience. After all, their body had to handle two shapes and not just one, and so his kind got rarely sick, if it happened at all.

With a soggy, wet fur Kili retreated back into the main room of the cabin, occasionally checking that Fili hadn’t managed to drown himself – _“I’m not a child alright? I can handle a bath! Stop checking in on me”_ – and got the sheets changed swiftly.

Once Fili was done with the bath, the air in the room smelled much cleaner and the delicious scent of the stew was slowly seeping through their home, hitting Kili’s sensitive nose and telling him it had simmered long enough. By the time Fili was back in bed, the weasel had changed form again and gone off to get his friend a steaming bowl.

Fili looked exhausted and already completely fed up with his cold, when he accepted the stew without much enthusiasm.

“Eat,” Kili told him.

Fili’s gaze wandered back and fro between the brunet and the bowl in his hands.

“Do I get some cuddles in return?” he threw him a hopeful look. Sniffing, he put the food away in favour of reaching for a handkerchief.

An exaggerated sigh slipped past Kili’s lips, buthe complied. As long as it got Fili to eat and to rest he was prepared to do anything.

Fili chuckled softly, when the shifter crawled under the blanket with him.

“You are such a nudist.”

“Eat your stew,” Kili answered drily, wrinkling his nose scandalised.

Leaning against the shifter, Fili did as he was told, humming contently when Kili’s arm pulled him closer on instinct. The stew was finished off in no time, but when he offered to get him another serving, the blond simply protested and hugged him tightly. His poor sick friend had eaten a little and since a little was better than nothing at all, Kili accepted Fili’s need for closeness and began to stroke over his hair gently.

The complaints and the whining died down considerably while they snuggled up to each other… Kili blinked with surprise.

Maybe Fili wasn’t an unbearable patient… maybe Kili had simply chosen the wrong approach.

 

 


	42. Bonus: Weasel AU

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is no fill for the WinterFRE, but another jump into the weasel AU, because I can't get it out of my head. :')  
> And because of it, I'm happily accepting prompts for this 'verse.

 

 

Kili squeaked with surprise as Fili poked his belly all of a sudden, giggling softly. The shifter glared at him indignantly, the unexpected touch had startled him out of his state of contentment. He’d felt warm and loved as he cuddled close to the blond and just when he stretched on the mattress, still tired from a long night full of gentle touches and whispered promises, trying to get a little more awake, the attack yanked him out of the wonderful feeling of peace.

He huffed. Of course he would never be angry about something as this, but it didn’t mean he couldn’t mourn the loss of a sleepy morning. Meanwhile Fili grinned at him far too smug.

“Someone has put on weight,” he teased him softly.

“I have not!” Kili denied on instinct. Only when Fili poked him again, murmuring an amused “ _sure_ ”, did his gaze wander.

And indeed, the once well-built body had gone soft around the middle and was even pushing out a little now. The shifter could feel heat rising to his cheeks as he realised what had happened over the last weeks of winter. The days were shorter, the snow covering the whole country under a thick layer that was hard to cross and therefore it was easier to stay inside and wait it out. They weren’t getting out as often as usual, which was a change Kili’s body couldn’t cope with.

He was used to hunting regularly, the small body of the weasel burning lots of calories and therefore demanding a great amount of food. Since he lived with Fili, he didn’t have to fear going hungry anymore, there was always enough to eat. But a body that had learned all its life that it needed to eat a great deal to survive, couldn’t simply stop maintaining the balance the shifter had relied on all his life. So it was no surprise that he was slowly gaining weight, he had never been this inactive for such a long period of time before.

“I wouldn’t be so smug,” Kili pouted and folded his arms in front of his chest. “This is all your fault.”

“My fault?” Fili asked surprised, laughing softly as he propped himself up on his elbows. His long blond hair was falling over his naked shoulders in such a tempting manner that Kili had to swallow hard to keep his sulky expression upright.

“Of course! I’m stuck in here with you all day! I’ve never been this inactive before, so it’s not surprising my body doesn’t handle it well. But just so you know, once the snow will start melting, this will as well!” As if to emphasise his words he poked the thin layer of fat on his tummy like Fili had done before.

At first Fili seemed speechless, but not much later a devilish grin claimed his features. Kili tilted his head in confusion before his friend pulled him down again until their noses almost brushed. He could feel Fili’s breath ghosting over his skin and shuddered pleasantly at the desire shining in the other’s eyes.

“Oh, I’m very sorry we haven’t kept you active enough. I think we should change that right away, what do you think?”

His hurt pride was immediately forgotten. Nodding with excitement at the promise he could read in Fili’s gaze, Kili pressed closer until one of his nipples began to brush over the blond’s skin and their lips met in a heated kiss.

 

 


	43. The Call

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, with this uninspired title I present to you a little idea that attacked me out of the blue. I don’t know what led up to this point, should you have an idea, feel free to write it yourself. :’)

 

 

Kili yanked at the tie, feeling like it suddenly inhabited the spirit of a constrictor. Once it came off he threw it to the ground. He didn’t need it anymore, needed nothing of this. The hair tie was the next piece to land in the dirt, lying there forgotten while the brunet continued his escape. There was no plan, no destination he was heading to, just the desperation of getting away as far as possible. Kili wouldn’t be welcomed back, not after what he’d just done. This wasn’t the way for an heir to behave. Disowned, that was how his name would be claimed in the newspapers tomorrow.

The break with his family, with _everything_ he knew, gave his feet strength, carrying him further away with each desperate step. It was strange feeling spinning inside him, a mixture of freedom and panic, of fear and joy, euphoria and complete despair. It was over and it was just the beginning. There wasn’t anything beautiful about it. The ugly side of the world was going to exploit every little second of this day and remind Kili of his decision for the rest of his life. And yet…

The old phone booth, waiting almost innocently at an abandoned train station, seemed to call to him as soon as Kili’s eyes spotted it in the distance. Some years ago this place would’ve been bursting with people going to work or coming home. Now, that the railway lines had been changed, all that remained was the phone booth, somehow surviving technological progress. It could be his salvation after leaving his phone in his room and his hasty run or worsening his downfall. Either way, he wasn’t going to miss the offered opportunity.

He was sweating in his dark suit, the fabric sticking to his skin uncomfortably when he began to type in the number he knew by heart. With his sleeve he wiped a drop of sweat away, threatening to run into his eye, while he waited. His heart was pounding furiously within his chest, nerves tightening his throat just like the neck tie had done not so long ago.

“Hello?” the only voice Kili had longed to hear, since he’d realised his own mistake, answered.

“Fili,” Kili sighed with relief.

“Kili?” the other sounded extremely confused, maybe even a little hurt, but the brunet’s frantic mind had trouble discerning what it was hearing under the wave of hope washing over him. “Why are you calling, shouldn’t you be-” Kili didn’t let him finish.

“You were right,” the brunet began to ramble. “I can’t hide who I am. I tried so hard to suppress it, but while I was standing there, waiting for Tauriel to show up, I felt like I was suffocating. I knew that very moment that it would kill me if I went through with it.”

“Kili, wait… what are you telling me?”

“I couldn’t do it,” he almost laughed. For years he’d told himself it was no big deal, that it would work out sooner or later, that he could learn to live with it. Right now he was honest, honest with the person that brought out only the best in him and it felt relieving. “I couldn’t marry her. I ran.”

Tears were blurring his vision.

“You left her at the altar?” Fili seemed to be trapped somewhere between disbelief and pride, but there was this hint of doubt worrying Kili. “Are you sure you won’t regret this? What about your parents?”

The brunet shook his head forcefully, which lost all its emphasis considering that Fili couldn’t see it.

“They will probably disown me. But I won’t regret it. I love you, Fili and I’m sorry it took me so long to realise it.”

At the sudden silence on the other end of the line Kili almost believed his heart was going to give out.

But then… “Say that again.”

“I love you,” Kili whispered into the phone, a wobbly smile wandering to his lips.

The following seemed to pass in a haze. Kili tried to calm his frantic heartbeat, soothing the butterflies dancing like a swarm of busy bees in his belly as he told Fili where he was. Time lost its meaning, running and dragging at the same time. A bird was singing in the tree right next to the booth and Kili felt like the song of the little being represented his new inner balance.

Eventually the sound of it was interrupted by the familiar rumbling of an engine and then Fili was there. The blond almost leaped from his motorbike once it was secured, tore the helmet from his head and embraced Kili with the desperation of a drowning man. With the way both of them dived into a kiss it was most likely true.

 

 


	44. Lucky

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Another little idea that attacked me out of the blue. Again I don't know what kind of AU it is, I only had the idea and went with it. Feel free to answer all questions you might have about this yourself. ^^

 

 

Fili knew he was lucky. From the day he met Kili, there was really no arguing about it anymore. How often did that happen? Finding a man that didn’t care about his shortcomings, whose enthusiasm and happy energy he emitted managed to put a smile on the blond’s face even on the worst days. Kili went through every issue with him, fought all the negativity and even stayed awake with him late in the night - despite work starting early for him the next morning - just to reassure Fili. As they waited for sleeping pills to kick in, Kili would tell him little stories about his day, one more unbelievable than the other, but they got Fili’s mind to rest and eased the work for the meds, until the words changed into gentle caresses in his hair, just before he could drift off.

Fili knew he was lucky when he spotted the single rose on the bedside table. Leaning against the vase was a little card. A smile wandered instantly to the blond’s lips.

_Good morning! Good day! Good Evening! Hope you slept well!_

Fili knew he was lucky, when his mind wandered to previous relationships and partners uncaring for his need of sleep. None of them had understood how bad dealing with a constant insomnia could be and that sometimes not even sleeping pills were enough. Their effect waning too soon and the littlest movement of the mattress or a low sound able to pull him into brutal wakefulness. Kili was always careful when he untangle himself from the blond on the weekends. He had even made it a habit to sleep on the couch during the week, only waiting until Fili had fallen into a restful slumber before returning to the living room so his alarm wouldn’t startle him in the morning.

Fili knew he was lucky, when he found Kili in the kitchen, once he felt ready to leave the warm cocoon of his bed. His boyfriend was munching on a bread roll, a thick layer of honey spread over it. There was neither coffee nor tea, just a glass of juice within his reach, causing the least noise to prepare it. The brunet waved at him, mouth too full to speak just yet.

Waving back, he crossed the little distance separating them, only stopping when he could wrap his arms around the brunet from behind. Kili leaned into the touch as good as the chair allowed while a content, soft hum was drawn from his throat. For a moment Fili simply enjoyed the feeling of the brunet’s warm body in his arms, ere he couldn’t suppress the desire any longer. Kili had begun chewing extra fast, eager for his good morning kiss, but it wasn’t fast enough.

“I love you,” Fili murmured gently, pressing his lips to one of Kili’s puffy cheeks.

“Did you sleep well?” his love wondered hopefully, finally able to speak again.

Fili nodded.

“I did. Thank you for the rose.”

Kili beamed at him, a sight that sent a pleasant shiver through his belly. The following kiss tasted just as sweet as the honey on Kili’s bread roll.

 

 


	45. Post-it

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is another little fic. Dunno where those short ideas come from at the moment, but I’m certainly not going to complain. Anyway, I hope you will enjoy these two adults acting totally like adults and solving their problems like adults… *coughs* sure… as if.

 

 

The silent treatment was becoming ridiculous, but if Fili believed it would get Kili to crack and grovel at his feet he was mistaken. He was a master when it came to holding grudges. Once he had even managed to avoid talking to his mother for a whole month after a major argument. It had taken one of his uncles to help them to reconcile again. Fili wanted war? Then he could have it!

His anger was merely fuelled by the bright yellow post-it note sticking on the fridge.

_We are out of milk. Buy some the next time you head out._

Kili narrowed his eyes, barely believing Fili’s commanding tone screaming at him through these few words. The brunet headed over to one of the drawers, reached for the self-stick notepad and a pen and began to write.

_Buy it yourself._

 

* * *

 

When he came home the same day after work, a third note was hanging on the fridge.

_Don’t be a brat about it. I’ve got the night shift next week and won’t be able to. Just buy the milk, okay?_

“Go fuck yourself, Fili,” Kili muttered, grabbing the notepad more forcefully than the first time.

_Oh, sure! Because I’m lazy and not working hard? The shops are still open when you have to go to work. You want milk? Get it yourself!_

 

* * *

 

 

“How the hell did you manage not to talk to him in one week? You are living in the same flat!” Tauriel stared at him as if he’d grown a second head or lost his mind… or both.

Ori seemed equally baffled, the piece of cake on the fork he just wanted to shove into his mouth momentarily forgotten. Although Kili didn’t want to admit it, he began to feel uncomfortable under their scrutinizing looks and took a big sip of iced coffee to put off answering just for a little while longer.

“Well… he sleeps in the guestroom at the moment,” Kili answered meekly.

“You. Live. In. The. Same. Flat,” she emphasised again. Leaning forward, his friend eyed him critically. “Did you even try to talk to him?”

He wrinkled his nose.

“Why should I? He is the one who started it! I’m not going to apologise for something that’s only going on in his head!” The steadily increasing volume of his voice earned them curious and scolding glances from the other guests of the little ice cream parlour.

“Oh yeah, that’s very mature,” Tauriel scoffed.

“None of us is saying you should apologise,” Ori tried a little calmer. “But you two avoiding each other doesn’t sound like a healthy relationship.”

“I’m not avoiding him on purpose!” He shrunk a little under the warning glare Tauriel darted into his direction. “Well… at least not completely. He is the one avoiding me, always staying hidden in the guestroom… I just… I just let him have his way.”

Shaking her head in exasperation, the redhead huffed, her long fiery hair almost dunking into the bowl of whipped cream on the table.

“You know you have to talk with him sooner or later? That or break up with him.”

Kili froze. Breaking up? Was that how it sounded for his friends? While he admitted that the situation was a little ridiculous, especially for Tauriel in her long and harmonic relationship with Legolas, breaking up wasn’t an option for Kili. Not yet at least…

Were they truly moving into this direction? Was Kili just too proud to see it? Of course the argument had hurt him and of course he was still angry and didn’t even think of apologising, but he was still stupidly in love with Fili.

The conversation gave him food for thought.

At home another post-it note was sticking at the fridge.

_I didn’t say you don’t work hard. I’m just knackered. Can you please buy some milk?_

Fili hated the taste of coffee without milk.

 

 

* * *

 

 

_Bought the milk. There was an offer on your favourite chocolate. Got you a bar as well._

_Thanks_ , was written on the first note. Kili’s gaze slowly wandered to the second. _I’m sorry I called you a slut._

His stomach twisted uncomfortably with the memory of pain returning to the forefront of his mind. Even written like that the words hadn’t lost any of their ugliness.

 _You hurt me_ , the writing was slightly messy, but he couldn’t shake the trembles from his hand.

Kili fled to the bedroom for the night.

 

 

* * *

 

 

_I know. I’m so very sorry. I was jealous and scared. Sometimes I wonder how a guy like you can love someone like me._

He had actually planned to have breakfast, but the new note Fili must’ve left for him in the evening felt like a punch to the guts, dispelling the hunger and making him nauseous. His boyfriend had never hit him as someone battling insecurities. Then again, maybe he was just a genius in hiding them well. Either way, Kili was at a loss. He didn’t know what to say, didn’t know what to do, just stared at the gathering of words and the heart-breaking meaning they formed.

In the end he was late for work because he was busy with covering the fridge in post-it notes.

_Are you serious? You are the best thing that ever happened to me._

_I love your smile._

_I love the way your hair feels between my fingers._

_I love the sound of your laugh and how you murmur in your sleep._

_I love that special chicken soup you make whenever I’m feeling sick._

_I love the way you curl around me at night, as if you want to protect me from the monsters in my nightmares._

_I love the way you hum along your favourite songs._

_I love the way you look at me, how you seem to block out the whole world… as if I’m the only one that matters to you._

_I love your stupid unfunny jokes._

_I love how patient you are with me, whenever I’m stressed or panicking._

_I love your adventurous moods and impartiality._

_I love that you don’t make fun of my fear of spiders and rescue me every time I ask._

_I love how you whisper my name in the dead of the night._

_I love the way your hand feels in mine, how you hold me close._

_I love the way you kiss me, the way you touch me, the way you feel inside me, the way you make me feel whole._

_I love that whatever happens you will be there for me._

 

* * *

 

By the time of his lunch break, Kili spotted a couple of missed messages on his phone. A grin wandered to his lips.

_Gods, Kee. You are… you are the most amazing man I ever met!_

_I love you more than I can put into words._

_I’m so sorry for forcing this stupid fight on you._

_I’m so sorry I almost ruined things between us._

_Please, forgive me._

The brunet headed slowly to a corner of the room, away from his colleagues so he could reply in peace.

 _I forgive you_ , he typed _. And I’m sorry for calling you a control freak, I know you are just trying to watch out for me._

He didn’t have to wait long for an answer. Fili was up surprisingly early for doing the night shift all week.

_It’s fine. I deserved it. I was awful to you._

_You won’t hear any arguing from me._

Despite being unable to see his boyfriend right now, Kili still knew he would snort with fondness.

_I took the day off. Do you think we could have dinner together and talk when you come back home?_

The brunet frowned.

_Can you do this just like that? Won’t you get in trouble?_

_You are more important right now. I can handle a little yelling from Thorin._

Warmth spread through Kili’s chest. Even though he would prefer for the blond to avoid such a lecture when he went back to work, he couldn’t deny that he felt deeply moved. And yet…

_Only under one condition._

_Which is?_

_You will come back to our bed._

_Deal._

 

 


	46. Sunrise at Sea

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just something small I wrote a while ago as a little birthday surprise for [rillaelilz](http://archiveofourown.org/users/rillaelilz/pseuds/rillaelilz) :)
> 
> I had the idea while watching someone play the closed beta of "Sea of Thieves", because I loved the atmosphere this game portrays so wonderfully. So imagine this story in a historical setting.

 

 

Kili was awoken by soft knocking noises at his window. He frowned sleepily, wondering if they came from the imagination of a scattering dream, but after a moment of silence it appeared again. Lighting a lamp, Kili crawled out of his bed, a shiver darting through his body as his bare feet touched the cold wooden floor.

Tiptoeing towards the curtain, Kili shook his head. It couldn’t be. His bedroom was on the first floor and while this hadn’t stopped one special person, it was simply impossible. Not after they had been caught, not after everything he loved had literally burned down in front of his eyes. His dream of becoming part of the merchant marines destroyed, the reputation of the man supposed to train him ruined, because he had somehow managed to steal Kili’s heart. Outcast and shamed, now merely days away from a clerical job and an arranged marriage with a woman whose first name he didn’t know, there shouldn’t be reason to hope. And yet…

Drawing the curtain aside, Kili’s eyes widened with disbelief, as a blond head of hair was illuminated by the light of the lamp. Without a moment of hesitation Kili opened the window, gaping at Fili like a fish out of water.

“What are you doing here? What if someone saw you?” Kili hissed, equally thrilled as anxious to see the other man.

“No one saw me, I made sure,” Fili reassured him, speaking so softly his voice barely drowned the sound of the breeze gently swaying the curtain. “As for what I’m doing here,” he added as he climbed into the room and handed him a rolled up piece of paper.

Instead of taking it, Kili shook his head urgently.

“You need to leave! If someone finds out you were here-“

Fili didn’t let him finish, rested a hand at the nape of Kili’s neck, gently stroking over the exposed skin with his thumb. “Shh,” Fili soothed him. Once again he held the roll of paper out for him. “Take a look.”

There was still uncertainty sitting inside his chest, along with the fear of what would happen to Fili if he was caught in the house of Kili’s family, yet he relented. He’d never been good in denying Fili anything anyway.

His eyes widened once again this night, wandering to and fro between Fili and the content of the piece of paper. A ship. Fili had bought a ship. It must’ve devoured all of his savings.

“You own a ship,” he heard himself say, voice devoid of any emotions. His mind tried to catch up with the knowledge that Fili was going to leave, but his heart was in denial, even though it should already know that they didn’t have a future together.

To his great confusion, a bright smile wandered to Fili’s lips.

“No, we own a ship!” Fili told him as enthusiastically as the eerie quiet of the night allowed. “It’s only a sloop, but it will be enough to take us away.” Fili paused, probably because he’d noticed the disbelief on Kili’s features. “You didn’t think I would leave without you, did you?”

The only reply Kili was able to give, was to fling his arms around the blond’s neck, the utter relief crushing him, robbing him of any wordy answer. Fili seemed to understand, for he simply held Kili tighter, kissed his temple and promised him the world.

 

* * *

 

Sunrise at sea was far more beautiful than Kili could’ve imagined. He felt the soft breeze of a new day on his face and in his hair and couldn’t help but smile. Behind him Fili steered the course and just a look over his shoulder later, Kili felt the same sense of happiness that always flooded him in Fili’s presence. Only this time, it was going to last.

 

 


End file.
